Heavy
by LolaCullenx
Summary: Bella is sent to a therapeutic boarding school in Utah where she meets bad boy Edward. Sparks will fly, but can each overcome their past to move forward with their future? AH WARNING: Subject matter may be considered sensitive to some readers.
1. New Beginnings

**Hello All! I Hope you enjoy :)**

**Summary: **Bella is sent to a therapeutic boarding school in Utah where she meets bad boy Edward. Sparks will fly, but can each overcome their past to move forward with their future?

**I will only say this once, I only own the plot. Anything Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Before we begin, future chapters discuss things that may be considered triggers for some readers. I reserve the right as a writer to not divulge these events ahead of time, but I will give ample warning. Thanks for your understanding.**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger **

**Pre-read by BubblyGreenBubbles  
**

**Song: Possibility by Lykke Li**

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Chapter 1 - New Beginnings

_"New Beginnings are often disguised as painful endings..."_

_-Lao Tzu_

_**Bella**_

"Look, two hundred-sixty miles to Vegas! Let's go!" Out of the corner of my eye I caught Charlie's expression. Definitely not one of amusement.

_Good work, Bella!_

I rolled my eyes. Honestly, he's lucky I was even speaking to him at all after he shipped me off to my mom's house for the entire summer. My dad knew how boring Forks was – he left the small town and moved to Phoenix, Arizona. Nowadays he lives with his blonde bimbo wife, who likes to spend as much of his money as she can. Sue Swan, formerly Clearwater, never missed an opportunity to let the women at the country club know that her husband was the police commissioner. In my experience, that bit of information made it harder to make friends, not easier.

"You know, Bella, it's comments like those that got you in this situation."

Why couldn't he find the humor in that little comment? Honestly, the least he could do was laugh at my poor attempt at a joke. Anyhow, it's not like I meant it. Well, maybe I did…but let's get real. I knew Vegas wasn't in our travel plans.

I turned my head and looked out the window of Charlie's cruiser. There were mountains everywhere, but not like in Washington. There weren't lush, evergreen forests, only rocks and dirt with some trees spread around. I felt like a small ant crawling along the base of an ant hill. Utah wasn't so bad… I guess. At least it was warmer in Utah. I hated the cold.

It's_ the land of the Mormons!_ I don't know jack shit about Mormons, but I was pretty sure that those guys who ride their bikes around town in black suits when it's a hundred degrees out were Mormons. I always thought they were crazy for doing that, and now I am considering living in a whole state dedicated to Mormons. _That's a whole lot of crazy._

I looked down at the papers in my lap. "The Academy of New Beginnings." When I told Renee that I didn't want to live with her or Charlie, this was her solution. Actually, I had come up with the idea of boarding school, and she had come up with the idea of a "therapeutic boarding school."

"I promise the only difference is that you see a therapist once a week as part of your schedule," Renee had said. Her medication must've made her confident that day because she knew I hated therapists. After seeing four different shrinks in the span of five years, all of whom were there to 'help me,' I'd had enough therapy for a lifetime. After all, Renee had been in therapy her whole life, and she was still eighty kinds of fucked up. I didn't need 'helping'; I needed to be left the fuck alone. So, I agreed to attend this school with the promise of being sent to a normal boarding school, sans therapist, in a year. Anything to get away from the shit show my parents called 'parenting.' Charlie pulled off the highway at the Provo exit. "Look at the directions, Bella. I'm pretty sure it said something about a grocery store being right next door," Charlie mumbled. A grocery store? The pictures didn't show any stores nearby. The pictures made it look like it was in the middle of nowhere.

_Interesting_, I thought. _Strike one_!

My parents didn't know, but I had a three-strikes-you're-out kind of thing planned for this school.

_Three strikes and we're outta there!_

Obviously, having one strike before even arriving wasn't good sign.

"There's a grocery…Ah! And there's the school," I heard Charlie say.

I turned and looked out Charlie's window as we pulled into the parking lot. Well, at least the building looked like the pictures. It looked like an old church with vines growing up the bell tower and an atrium that connected the old church to a newer, but still old, brick building. However, the dilapidated 'backyard' surrounded by nine-foot fencing was NOT in the pictures. Interesting, I would have liked to give the school another strike, but I refrained. No need to put it on its last warning before I even walked through the door.

As we pulled into a parking space, I saw Renee's car.

I stepped out of the car and walked towards the entrance of the school when I heard Charlie,

"Bella, don't you think you should help me with your bags?"

They'd made me pack my bags before I had even seen the school in person. It was a great idea if I actually decided I liked the place, that way I could just stay, but if I didn't, then it was a huge waste of time.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Dad, we don't know for sure that I'll be staying."

As I turned back toward the school, I could have sworn I heard Charlie mutter, "That's what you think," but I chose to ignore it.

I walked in before Charlie and immediately noticed the upscale, old money feel of the converted office. The foyer had a grand staircase on each side with a large chandelier overhead. Under the staircase there were his-and-her bathrooms. As I walked further into the office, I noticed two unoccupied wooden desks with papers, phones, and office supplies neatly piled. In the center of the room was a circular table that held a large flower arrangement. The flowers were real. _These people will spend money on anything._

"Bella!" I saw my mother stand from a nearby chair as she rushed over to hug me. "I missed you. How was the drive?"

I half-hugged her back as I said, "You just saw me three days ago, Mom, and the drive was fine. Quiet and boring." I made a point to turn and look at Charlie as I said the word boring. He just scoffed and rolled his eyes. I also mentally noted how Renee had said she missed me after not seeing me for three days. I hadn't talked to the woman for almost two years, until Charlie shipped me off to her house after an epic battle that I had obviously lost, considering I'd ended up with her anyway. When I agreed to the boarding school, I was sent back to Charlie's to get my stuff, and we drove from Phoenix to Provo. Unfortunately, being sent back to Phoenix for only a few days meant I had to come face to face with the wicked witch of the west, and we hadn't left on good terms. She pretended all was well, which irked me even more than her being a raging bitch. Her personality was about as real as her boobs.

We stood there awkwardly as a well-dressed woman with glasses and a body an anorexic ballerina would be jealous of came toward me. "Hi, you must be Bella," she said warmly as we shook hands. I only smiled in response as she introduced herself while acknowledging my parents. "I'm Jane Erickson, the admissions director."

My mother stepped forward and introduced herself. I'm Renee Swan, we spoke on the phone."

Jane nodded and said, "Of course, Mrs. Swan, lovely to meet you in person." This lady was good. No wonder they send her in to win over the hearts and the checkbooks of parents with 'troubled teens' as they affectionately called us on their website. I'm not dumb; I knew this place cost a shitload. She turned to Charlie and extended her hand while he grumbled, "Charlie," and shook her hand.

"It's so nice to meet you all. Let's get straight to it and start with a tour of the school. How does that sound, Bella?"

_That's right. I was the decision maker here, ladies and gents._

I smiled. "Sure."

We turned to follow Jane as she began with her tour.

"This is considered the front office, and as we walk down the hall here, these doors are all of the therapists' offices." I fell behind as I noticed a board on the wall with a bunch of pictures on it. I noticed every kid wore a version of the same shirt, different colors, but that was all you could see. They looked like mug shots. _This must be all of the students_, I thought. I found it kind of odd to have a board of mug shots, but shrugged it off. I scanned through the pictures. seeing nothing overly exciting. But just as I turned to catch up to my parents, I saw a picture of a boy with piercing green eyes and a head of messy bronze hair. He would almost look deranged because his hair stood out in every direction, but his strong jaw line and broad shoulders hinted at a beautiful physique. I looked closer at his expression – a cocky smirk – but when I looked closer, I could see the pain in his eyes and a bit of something else that almost looked like…fear? Before I could study the picture any further, I heard my mother call my name.

"Coming!"

I rounded the corner and found everyone waiting for me by a large wooden door. I tripped over the carpet and had to grab onto Charlie's shoulder to steady myself.

"Sorry," I muttered.

I took a moment and noticed my surroundings. We were in a long hall with white walls and ugly, hunter green carpet. There were six brown wooden doors; each had a bronze plaque with a name engraved on it. The one closest to me read "Alec Greenwood." I internally scoffed a little at that. _He definitely sounds like a therapist_.

Pulling me from my inner judgments, Jane smiled and motioned to the door at the end of the hall in which we were currently standing. "This is the therapists' access into the students' residential area. It's the only door in the building that needs a key to be accessed; the rest are unlocked, but an alarm will sound if a key isn't used first."

_Great. So now I am going to have to remember some key for every door I go through?_

Before I could think on that further, Jane finished with, "The staff are the only ones with keys."

_Uh, What?_

Strike two.

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**So, what would you do if you were Bella? Leave me a review and let me know! Thanks for reading :)**

**Lola**


	2. The Tour

**SM owns Twilight, I own this plot!**

**Beta'd by the lovely ladies over at PTB**

**Song that wrote this chapter: Still on a Lykke Li kick. **

**BubblyGreenBubbles is my AMAZING pre-reader and I lurve her. **

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Chapter 2: The Tour

_**Bella**_

_Why would the staff be the only ones with a key? What is this, a prison?_

Wary of what Jane would say next, we followed through the therapists' door, and after using her special key, we stepped into a hallway. To the left was a set of steep wooden stairs heading up, and to the right there was a small room and a hall that led to a common area.

"This is the boys' first aid station on the right, and straight ahead is the boys' common room. It's a place where they hang out, watch movies, and study," said Jane. She then turned towards the stairs and gestured for us to walk up. "This stairwell will lead us up to the girls' common room and dorms." I walked up the stairs followed by Charlie, Renee, and Jane. As I got to the top, I stepped up onto a landing.

I looked around. Why were we in a large gym? Actually it was large basketball court, and an old one at that. The court was made of old, worn out hardwood, and at center court were the words, "Wolf Pack", encircling a picture of a large wolf. On the far side of the court were barred windows.

_I am going to assume the windows are barred so the balls don't break them, _I thought, and then that old saying came to me_, _'when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me'. _Lets hope not._

Along the wall with the prison windows was a staircase that led up to an open door. Below the stairs was another door, which was closed.

"I thought we were going to the girls' dorm? This is a basketball court." I turned back to Jane and my parents as she responded.

"This is the girls' dorm area. The staircase across the court leads to the Sunrise dorms, below it is the 18-year-old dorm." She then led us through a small room off the landing with large black leather couches arranged against each wall and a flat screen TV mounted on the wall at the front of the room.

"What's this room?" I asked.

"This is the girls' common area. They watch movies here, study, and hang out." _She sounds like a robot. Saying the same thing over and over and over…_

The room was neat and organized, but definitely not cozy. The fluorescent lights made the white walls and wood floors exceptionally bright, making the room feel a little like a doctor's office. There was even one of those fake potted trees in the corner.

_This place is odd._

Once we walked through the impersonal doctor's-office-looking room, we reached another staircase. We walked up the stairs and came to a stop at the very top. It was a bedroom, that much was clear, but not a normal bedroom. It was a converted attic. There were three different areas that contained two sets of bunk beds, tall shelves and cubbies dividing each area. All the beds were made neatly, each with their own personal touch. One bed had a purple bedspread, while another had blue. I looked to the cubbies and noticed all the clothes were folded and ordered exactly the same.

"Everything is so organized." I said to myself.

"The girls are required to keep their areas clean." The robot responded.

I mentally skimmed through everything I could remember from the school's website.

_I am pretty sure it didn't say anything about being a military academy. _

"It won't hurt you to keep your bed made and your things put away, Bella," said Charlie.

"I never said it would, Dad. I was merely making an observation."

_What crawled up his butt and died today? _

"If you're ready, we can head back down and look at the girls dorms on the other side of the gym." Jane said.

I nodded in response. As we turned to head back down the stairs, I noticed a door at the far end of the dorm.

"Where does that door lead to, Jane?" I asked.

"Oh, that, uh, leads to the boys' dorm." She glanced at Charlie and nervously added, "The door has an alarm and is locked."

Charlie mumbled an incoherent response, while my mother added, "I am sure it's closely monitored as well."

Jane smiled. "Of course, Mrs. Swan."

We saw the other dorm, which was newer and brighter, but arranged like the attic dorm. I understood why it was called Sunrise Commons. The room was brightly lit with small windows in each area, and a big window in the center of the dorm. You could definitely see the sun rise and set every day.

Jane didn't take us through the boys' dorm, saying it wasn't customary for the girls to tour the boys' dorm and vice versa. I found that to be kind of rude, if you asked me, which nobody did.

"The girls are having lunch in the atrium right now, Bella. Would you like to take a peek?" I nodded, and she added, "The atrium will also connect us back to the main office, and we can all sit down and talk." Charlie and my mom agreed, and we walked through the boys' common area, into the kitchen area, and up into a brightly lit atrium.

There were about fifteen girls divided among the tables eating their lunch. As soon as we entered the atrium, it became quiet and everyone turned to stare at me.

"Girls, this is Bella and her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Swan," said Jane.

No one said a word. _Could this be any more awkward? _

A short woman with long blonde hair stepped forward and looked at me.

"Hello, Bella. My name is Lauren. I'm the girls' residential director."

"Hi," was all I said.

It may have been rude, but I don't do well with being the center of attention. I was about two seconds away from finding my way back to the car and demanding we go home.

Just as things were about to go from awkward to completely fucking weird, Jane suggested we head to the office.

Once we were there, I was asked to sit in the waiting area while my mom and Charlie talked to Jane in a room marked 'family conference room'. To my surprise, I wasn't invited in. Honestly, I was undecided about whether I would like to stay or not.

So, I let my mind wander back to the boy with the piercing green eyes and messy bronze hair.

_He alone would be a reason to stay_.

Before I could think any further, my mom and Charlie emerged from the conference room with Jane. My mom spoke first.

"Bella, we went ahead and paid your tuition. We think this will be such a great experience for you!"

I stared at her blankly.

_Say what? They already paid my tuition? What happened to me making the decisions?_

I looked at Charlie for help, but I found none.

"Your mother is right, Bells. I think this place is just what you need." Charlie muttered something about going to the car to get my bags as he turned to leave.

"Bella, honey, I know it may be scary, but you have been asking for this independence for so long, and now you have the opportunity to prove yourself."

"I know that, but someone could have asked me first if I even liked it here!" I shrieked. How could they do this? Yet again, everyone was making decisions for me. It was so incredibly annoying.

Just as Charlie returned with my bags, the woman who introduced herself as Lauren came into the office.

"Hey Bella, I am going to go through your bags real quick in case you have any contraband we need to send home with your parents," she said. I felt all the color drain from my face.

_Shit. This is going to get interesting. _

I tried to look anywhere else but at the three adults standing in front of me. Lauren started to go through my bag looking for anything considered contraband. She pulled out my mouthwash, nail clippers, and some nail polish.

"You can keep these, but they have to go into a Ziploc bag with your name on it and it will be stored away. During shower time, you may check it out from a staff member, but you must give it back when shower time is over," Lauren said.

I shrugged. _Fine by me, less shit I have to keep track of._

Next, she grabbed all of my underwear out of my bag.

_What. The. Fuck._

Lauren gave me a look of sympathy. "Thongs are prohibited, Bella. I'm sorry. We can either buy you new underwear or your mom can get you some."

"You're joking, right?"

Lauren looked to my mom for help. "Bella, its fine. I can run to Victoria's Secret real quick and get you those cute boy shorts you like." I stared at her with disbelief. _Was she bribing me with underwear?_

Clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, Charlie cleared his throat and brought our attention back to Lauren's invasion of my privacy. She started to zip up the bag, and I quietly thanked Jesus she didn't look in the side pocket.

And then she looked in the side pocket.

_Shit on a stick. Can my own father arrest me?_

Lauren reached into the side pocket and pulled out an orange pill bottle.

"Are these a prescription?" she asked.

"Yes!" I answered too quickly.

"Bella isn't currently on any medication."

_Thanks Mom._

Lauren opened the pill bottle and emptied the contents onto the small table. I put my hand over my eyes and only took a peek through my fingers to see if a miracle had happened and the contents of my pill bottle had turned to Tic Tacs.

_Nope. I am so screwed._

Charlie was the first to speak, "Bella, what the hell is this? Where did you get this stuff? When did you have the time to get it? You were under lockdown for the few days you were back in Arizona. This is unbelievable!"

I was pretty sure that was the most he had ever said to me at once. Usually, he would just tell me I was grounded and I would send myself to my room.

_But he can't really ground me if I'm in boarding school, now can he. _

Renee looked close to tears as she tried to ignore what lay on the table_._ I looked down and bid farewell to my recreational friends as Lauren spoke. "Bella, can you tell me what this stuff is?"

She cannot be serious. _Is she serious?_

"Bella?" Lauren asked.

_She's totally serious!_

"Uh, well, that would be a gram of cocaine and five tablets of ecstasy." I stated the obvious.

Lauren looked at my parents and suggested we say our goodbyes. They seemed surprised by this, but agreed. _Traitors. _

I gave each of my parents a hug, but refused to speak as I watched them walk out the entrance of the school. I didn't even have the chance to declare 'strike three', but I had a feeling it wouldn't have done much anyway.

I looked around and noticed I was the only one in the office. I briefly thought about making a run for it, but then decided I would probably trip and break something and then I would be stuck in this hellhole with a broken leg. _Not a good idea. _

Lauren came back then and told me to sit for a minute.

_I'm already sitting, dumbass._

"Your therapist wants to see you before you head up to the dorms. She's just finishing up with another student, and then she will be out to get you."

"Ok." That's as good of a response as she deserves. _She disposed of my underwear, for fuck's sake!_

As I sat there, I began to contemplate my sanity, considering I had initially agreed to come to this school.

_They tricked you! _My subconscious taunted.

Before I could think about how my subconscious was talking to me, I heard a different kind of voice coming from the therapists' hall.

"Try not to get into too much trouble this week, Mr. Cullen. I would love a good report from the staff for once." A woman with long dark hair and outdated glasses came into view. Her navy pantsuit had to be at least 10 years old, and I decided she would have been pretty if this was 1995.

"Oh! You must be Bella!" I decided against standing and just nodded my head.

"I'm Angela, your therapist."

I ignored her and looked to the boy standing next to her. It was the same boy with the piercing green eyes from the mugshot board. He was much taller than Angela and I. He had a lean frame that made me want to run my hands from top to bottom, so I could feel the definition of the muscles I knew were hiding underneath his clothes. We locked eyes, and I could see my own curiosity reflected in his.

"Edward, this is Bella. She will be joining my caseload," Angela said.

"'Sup, new girl," he responded without breaking eye contact.

"I prefer Bella, actually." The intensity of our stare-down was becoming too much when Angela spoke again.

"Edward, why don't you head back to the boys' dorms and get your things ready for class."

Edward turned towards the atrium door, but just before he opened it, he turned around to face me.

"Bye, Bella."

Angela and I watched the door close, and then she gestured for me to stand and follow her.

"Let's head into my office and have a quick chat before I take you up to the girls' dorm and you can meet everybody."

I followed her down the therapists' hall, and we stopped at the door right next to the mugshot Board. Her plaque read "Angela Weber".

_Yup, sounds like a therapist name._ _Could these people be anymore cliché?_

We entered her small office, and by small, I meant small. It was smaller than my walk-in closet at Charlie's house. There was just enough room for a small wooden desk that held her laptop, a wooden bench, and small bookcase. I took a seat on the bench and turned to Angela.

"No couch?" I asked.

She laughed. "Nope, not enough room as you can see. All part of being the low man on the totem pole."

"How long have you worked here?"

"A year, but I am the newest member of the clinical staff. Aro Volturi, the clinical director, his office is directly across the hall. He has a couch." She winked.

Honestly, I was surprised I was put in Angela's caseload. Usually being the police commissioner's daughter meant I got the best of everything. Add to that, I have been through so many therapists already, all of which were the clinical directors of their practice. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining; having a newbie for a therapist would make my life much easier. Although, it did make me wonder what their motive was.

"So, Bella, tell me a little about yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "My name is Bella, and I am 17. Both of my parents are bat-shit crazy, but they think I am the one with problems. I do not have a drinking problem, nor do I have a drug problem. I like to have fun, that's it." I stared her down. "Oh, and you will never see me cry. Ever."

"Why is that?"

"Because I don't cry. Crying is unnecessary, and before you say that it isn't, save it. I have heard it before, and from people much more qualified than you." I looked around the makeshift office again, not believing I was talking to another fucking therapist about problems I don't have.

"Will you tell me about your past therapeutic experiences?" she asked in a motherly tone. Something about this woman made me want to be nice, but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it.

"You mean my past diagnoses? Apparently, I have morbid anxiety, depression, a chemical dependency problem, impulse control issues, anger, and my favorite, ADHD. Because that one is true." I didn't actually know if it was true or not, but it got me prescriptions for Adderall and I was okay with that. Angela looked up from her notes to stare me down.

"I could have looked in your file for that information. What I wanted to know is your personal experiences with therapy. What has worked and what hasn't?"

"Nothing has worked because nothing is wrong with me. Therapy is a load of shit. It hasn't helped me, and it hasn't helped my mom. It's probably only made her worse." Why I brought Renee into this, I wasn't sure. As I went to change the subject, Angela spoke.

"Why does your mom need therapy?"

_So not going there._

I crossed my arms and looked her in the eye. "I don't know."

She stared back at me for a minute before checking the time. "Okay Bella, I think I would like to take you up to the dorms to meet the girls before you take your placement exam."

I looked at the clock on her wall. "Its three o'clock. Why would I go to school now?"

She turned to her desk and grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to me.

"This is a schedule. As you can see, therapy and activities are during the day. You start school at 3 PM and go until 8 PM. We find that students work better this way."

_Whatever works, I guess._

We got up to leave and just before I opened the door, Angela spoke again. "Things will get better, Bella. It may not seem like it now, but they will." I rolled my eyes and opened the door before she stopped me once more.

"And just so you know, you're not off the hook. Lauren informed me of the drugs you tried to bring in with you. We will be discussing it during our next session."

"Looking forward to it."

As we headed up the stairs to the girls' dorm, I could hear lots of voices, but couldn't distinguish anything being said.

We reached the landing, and Angela said her goodbye, promising to come for me soon for our next session. Lauren came over to me then and said, "Hey girls, you remember Bella from her tour? Say hello and make her feel welcome, okay?"

I looked over the group and noticed all of the girls were wearing exactly the same thing. Blue oxfords with khaki pants. They wore their own shoes, but that was the only personal touch aside from makeup. They were all quiet and stared at me as I stared back at them. I felt completely awkward and out of place in my designer jeans and top. I decided to give a small wave and muttered, "Hey." No one responded.

_I hate being the new girl._

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**A/N:** Whew! I know that that was a ton of descriptions, but I just had to do it. Really, I did. Its out of the way now so PLEASE keep reading. The next chapter we will meet Alice and Rose and we will have more Edward. Leave me a review and tell me how excited you are. Any theories on why Edward is at The Academy? Let me know! Thanks so much for those of you reading my fic. It means the world to me!


	3. Bimbo's and New Friends

**A/N: Hi all! I know it's been a little over a week since the last update...sorry about that. My dog died :-( and we are in the process of moving and just BLAH! No fun. We're starting to get into the flow of things now. I hope you like it! Reviews warm my heart, seriously. It is so awesome that people are actually reading my little story. It took a lot for me to finally write this and the fact that people actually like it is just amazing. Thank you!**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger and 2Shaes - Lovely PTB beta's. Thank you!**

**BubblyGreenBubbles is my proud nerdy friend and pre-reader and I lurve her and the awesomeness that is Doctor Who - which she has so graciously introduced me too.**

**Song that wrote this chap: Paradise by Coldplay**

**Alright, let's get to it! See you on the other side.**

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Chapter 3 _Bimbo's and New Friends._

_**Bella**_

I'd just finished the ridiculously easy entrance exam and surprise, surprise, I'd passed. I walked towards my assigned class and my first real interaction with my new roommates.

_At least I'm dressed like everyone else now._

After the second awkward moment of being introduced to the girls, I was outfitted with a whole new wardrobe and school supplies. Luckily, my mom had dropped off new underwear for me, because the ones they offered brought a whole new meaning to 'granny panties'. I shuddered at the thought.

Walking into the classroom, I found an empty seat in the back. The teacher was helping a girl at his desk while everyone else worked quietly. I was told that we taught ourselves here and that the teacher was there only as a reference. It worked well for me; I worked best alone and didn't need to be told what to do all the time.

I sat down and pulled out the first few chapter assignments for my English 11 class. The room was so quiet that I nearly jumped out of my seat when the girl's director, Lauren, announced that it was my classes turn for a break.

"Ten minutes ladies and then back to your seats. Dinner will be in an hour."

Since I hadn't been in class long, I didn't really feel the need for a break unlike the other girls who had been at school for a few hours already.

_It's not like anyone would actually talk to me anyway._

Just as I picked my pen back up, the girl in the seat next to me accidentally knocked her book off her desk, and I watched it fall to the floor with a thud. Reaching down, I grabbed it for her. She took it from me and offered a timid smile.

"Hey, I'm Alice."

"Bella." I offered a small smile back, and we just sat there in a bit of an awkward silence.

"Where are you from?" Alice shifted in her seat to face me.

"Phoenix, but my mom lives in Forks, Washington. I was living with her before I came here. Where are you from?"

I watched as Alice looked down at her wrist and picked at her bracelet. Her mood seemed to shift to one of sadness.

"Boston, but I was a dancer at The Walnut Hill School before I was sent here."

"What kind of dancer?" I asked.

She noticed I was watching her pick at her bracelet and she quickly stopped.

"Ballet."

Some of the other girls were laughing loudly in the hall and she turned her head to look out the door.

I took a moment to study Alice. She had dark brown hair, it was styled in a longer bob, just grazing her shoulders. She was very petite; definitely the body of a ballerina. She had a small mouth and a button nose, but her hazel eyes were huge. Her mascara expertly applied to magnify them. She was beautiful in a unique way.

She turned back to look at me and effectively pulled me from my thoughts.

"What dorm are you in?" she asked while opening her textbook.

"Ivy." I turned back in my seat and did the same.

"I figured. You're on the bunk below me. It was the only open bunk in our dorm."

We both looked towards the door as Lauren popped her head into our classroom, telling us to resume our schoolwork.

"You should sit with me at dinner," Alice said.

I looked back at her and smiled, "Okay, I will."

The remainder of the class passed quickly before they announced dinner. It had been awhile since I had sat in one place for so long and focused, so I stretched, feeling my muscles groan in protest. I waited for Alice to finish her math problem as the other girls filtered out of the classroom.

"Okay, I'm done." She looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks for waiting; you didn't have to do that."

"It's not like I have plans to sit with anyone else at dinner." Realizing how rude that may have sounded, I added, "I mean, because no one will talk to me here. If you hadn't asked me, I would be sitting by myself."

She smiled, "Don't worry; the girls will warm up eventually."

I followed her out the door and into the cafeteria. I grabbed a plate and went to get in line behind Alice, when someone shoved into me.

"Oops. Watch where you're going, new girl," she said it with a bitchy tone. I looked up at the girl who shoved me. She had caramel blonde hair and was much taller than me, but most people were. She may have been pretty at one point, but being stuck at this school with no cosmetic resources apparently made her feel the need to try way harder than she should. She definitely needed to lay off the bronzer.

_It's called 'sunkissed' not 'Dorito raped'_. _Yuck._

"Hey Bree, why don't you hit up the salad bar. Those khakis are starting to look a little tight."

Alice snorted as I turned to see who had come to my defense. She was stunning, in a very artsy way. Her platinum hair actually looked natural, and her skin was pale like mine. She wasn't much taller than me, but much curvier. She wore navy blue nail polish and bright red lipstick. I didn't think it was possible to look good in the ridiculous uniforms we were forced to wear, but she did it.

"I'm Rose. Ignore that twat waffle. Everyone else does." She offered her hand and I took it, giving her a firm shake.

"Thanks for that, but I can fight my own battles." I didn't intend for it to come out as bitchy as it did. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

She raised an eyebrow at me as Alice jumped in the middle.

"Bella's in my class and she's going to be in our dorm," Alice said while looking between the two of us.

Rose looked me over from top to bottom. "Cool."

We made our way through the cafeteria and found a seat in the atrium. The rest of the girls pretty much ignored me, only whispering to each other every so often. The food wasn't so bad. We had spaghetti and I ate most of it.

I waited for Rose to be done eating before I asked her where she was from.

"Portland. How about you?" She sat her plate down on the table before curling her legs underneath her, and she sat back in her chair.

"My dad lives in Phoenix, and my mom lives in Forks, Washington - It's a really small town." I glanced at Alice and her expression looked as if she was in a far off place.

"Yeah, I haven't heard of it. It's cool though, that you're from the west coast. Most of the girls here are from the East coast, like Alice." Rose glanced at Alice as well, her eyebrows pulled together, but she said nothing else.

We sat in a comfortable silence until dinner was over, and we were told to head back to class.

As I was heading back, I decided to get a drink out of the water fountain at the end of the hall. I almost decided against it after I saw Bree leaning around the corner whispering to someone. As I approached, Bree stopped whispering and turned to stare at me while giving me the opportunity to see who she was talking to. Of course, it was Edward. He was a good-looking guy, it was no wonder he would be seen whispering with the bitch of the school.

"Well if it isn't the new girl. Do you mind? I'm in the middle of something here. I don't want to get caught with a boy just because the new girl is lost." I opened my mouth to snap back at her, but Edward spoke first.

"She prefers to be called Bella, and we're done here anyways." He made a point to look her in the eye and then winked at me before he turned to walk away.

Bree practically stomped back down the hallway and slammed her classroom door shut. I quickly took my drink from the fountain and returned to class. I couldn't focus. All I could think about was Edward.

_Was he involved with that bimbo? _

I really hoped not. Even though I got the feeling it was next to impossible to have any sort of relationship here. I would be really disgusted if he was with her. While she was mediocre at best, Edward was like a young James Dean. He had that bad boy persona while being utterly lickable. I could see him in my mind. His hands in my hair while I traced the contours of his abs with my hands. I wanted to suck along his jawline, while he moaned in my ear, begging me to kiss him. Just as I was starting to feel uncomfortable between my legs, Alice pulled me from my daydream.

"Hello, earth to Bellaaa," Alice said as she tapped her pen on my desk.

"Sorry, what?" I looked up at her confused.

"It's time to head up to the dorms. Class is over." She looked at me strangely, but waited for me to pack up my things, nevertheless.

We were late getting up to the dorm. When we walked up the steps to the landing, we noticed all the girls sitting in the gym. We walked over to where Rose sat and put our stuff down.

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"I don't know. The staff is doing a dorm search." Alice looked like she was about to throw up.

"Are you fucking serious? Rose, you know what I have up there!" She began to twirl her ring around her finger as she waited for Rose to respond.

_What was she hiding in her dorm?_

"Alice, I have a feeling that they are looking for something in particular, and I don't think it has anything to do with you." Rose then looked to me. "She cheeks her Adderall every once in awhile so I can have some fun."

"Cheeks?" I asked

"It means I don't actually take it, I just pretend. When the staff checks to see if I've swallowed it, I actually have it hidden in my cheek." A bit of a mischievous smile played on her lips.

"Oh," was my genius reply.

Just then, Lauren came down from the Sunrise dorms. "Bree Tanner, in my office, now!"

The color had drained from Bree's face as she walked into the office. I heard a few gasps and I turned back around. Coming down from the dorm were two male staff, followed by Edward, and a boy I didn't recognize. They walked by with their heads down and didn't acknowledge any of the whispers that were undoubtedly about them.

Alice had gone to talk to some of the other girls and came back to where Rose and I were standing.

"Edward was hiding in Bree's bed, and Masen was playing look out, but staff noticed they were missing before she could even get up to her dorm," Alice informed us.

Rosalie just scoffed and rolled her eyes while muttering "Amateurs."

"So I take it boys are a big 'no no' around here?" I asked. They both looked at me and burst out laughing. I didn't think what I said was very funny but whatever.

"Boys aren't even supposed to be an option here. We get to interact with them for like an hour a day if we're lucky. That's why you have to be sneaky; not a complete idiot like those two were. They won't ever be allowed to speak to each other again."

I should have been worried about how they could keep two people from talking like that, or the fact that we were barely granted access to the opposite sex. Instead, I was too busy secretly doing the happy dance that Edward wouldn't be allowed near Bree.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I don't even know the guy, and I am already doing mental happy dances at the fact that he can't be around other certain females._

Then I realized, even though the students weren't supposed to have relationships, it was obvious that they did their best to try and have them anyway. I looked over at Rose and Alice.

"Do either of you have boyfriends?"

They both looked back at me as Rose spoke,

"Emmett McCarthy is mine, and Alice is with Jasper Whitlock. You'll get to meet them tomorrow night during art club."

"Don't we have class tomorrow night? It's only Thursday," I furrowed my eyebrows, clearly confused.

"We don't have class on Fridays. Instead, we get to do extra-curricular activities. You know, like Art Club, Movie Club, and Athletic club. There are some other weird ones, like chess club, but we wouldn't be caught dead in those." She turned to look at Alice who nodded in agreement.

"So why art club?" I asked. Alice was the one to respond this time. "Because it's your first club, silly! You can't really talk during a movie or while playing some sport in the gym, but during art club all anyone does is sit and talk anyways. This way you can meet the boys."

We headed up to our dorm to get ready for bed. After I changed into my pajamas, I ran down to the bathroom real quick to brush my teeth. Walking in, I could hear someone crying. I recognized it as Bree's voice, muffled by her sob's, I could hear her talking to one of the other girls. Their backs were to me, and they didn't hear me come in.

"It's just not fair, Tanya! Lauren said that Edward and I would have a standing order for as long as I am here. You know what that means, I won't be allowed to talk to him, let alone be around him. I won't ever be able to talk to him about the note he left under my pillow," Bree sobbed.

"What did the note say?" asked Tanya. I decided to stay hidden in the shadows at the entrance of the bathroom, so I could hear her answer.

"It said that he didn't want to talk anymore. That he needed to focus on his program so he could get out of here. Which I know is a total lie. Since when does Edward Cullen care about his program?" She grabbed a paper towel and blew her nose.

_So, Edward wasn't hiding in Bree's bed for seven minutes of heaven, since I doubt he would have had more time than that, but because he was breaking up with her? _

"I heard the new girl is in Angela's caseload. That's the same as Edward's! It's not fair. I hate that girl already; there is just something about her, Tanya." She put her finger on her lip as if she was deep in thought, trying to figure out what she didn't like about me.

"You don't like her because she is pretty, Bree. Let's be honest," I could practically hear Tanya roll her eyes as she said this.

_She thinks I'm pretty? Is that what everyone's problem is? _

_Girls are so crazy._

I made my presence known and ignored Bree and Tanya. They stopped talking as soon as they saw me and turned to stare as I started to brush my teeth. Their stares made me uncomfortable so I finished up quickly and went back up to the dorm. Alice and Rose were sitting on their beds chatting. I quickly put my toiletries away and climbed into bed hoping that Alice would take a hint. I wasn't so lucky.

"What took you so long?"

"I was brushing my teeth, sorry."

"Oh. Well, Rose and I were talking, and we were wondering why you were sent here? You don't have to tell us if you don't want."

She looked kind of uncomfortable asking, but I didn't mind talking about it. I wasn't even sure why I was here to be honest.

"Well, I asked my mom if I could go to boarding school and this was what she came up with. If I agreed to this place for a year then I could go to a regular boarding school next year."

Alice's eyes practically bugged out of her head.

"You willingly came here?"

"Uh, yeah, I just said that didn't I? I didn't exactly know what I signed up for. They took my underwear away when I was being checked in. That was weird."

"Yeah, they did that to me too. It's because girls before us would like to show off their thongs for the boys. Lovely, right? I wouldn't put it past some of the girls here, though."

Rose had been quietly listening to our conversation but looked as if she just remembered something. Her eyebrows pulled together and she cocked her head to the side before speaking.

"So, wait. What about the drugs you brought in with you?"

"How did you know about that?" I was kind of shocked she had heard about that. The only people in the room were Lauren and my parents.

"I overheard Lauren telling another staff member," she shrugged.

"Oh, well I just brought those with me because I figured it would be hard to find some in here."

"So do you have a drug problem?" Rose asked while cocking an eyebrow.

"No! God, why does everybody think that? Just because I like to have fun once in awhile. It doesn't make me some psycho drug addict."

"You might want to watch what you say around here. Most of the girls here are what you like to call "psycho drug addict."" Rose's voice was cold, and I could tell I had crossed the proverbial line.

I nervously bit my lip as I felt my eyes well up with tears. Willing the tears away, I looked at Rose apologetically.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry; it's been an emotionally overwhelming day. I just…I'm sorry."

I could feel Alice move around on her bunk above me. Then her face appeared upside down as she gave me a small reassuring smile.

"It's okay, Bella. You may not have crazy issues like the rest of us, but you're here for a reason. Maybe you just don't know what that reason is yet."

_If only she knew half the things I've been through in the last few years. Crazy doesn't even begin to describe them._

I sighed, pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. A stray tear fell down my face and I quickly wiped it away.

Before I could ask them why they were at the academy, a staff member came up the stairs and told us it was lights out. I could hear everyone moving around in their bunks as they tried to get comfortable.

After the lights were out, I let the tears silently fall.

_Why did my mom think that this was the best place for me? I still had no idea why Rose and Alice were here, but from the sounds of it they have been through some heavy shit. Why else would Rose get so defensive over what I said about being a drug addict?_

Exhausted from my thoughts and the day in general, I drifted off to sleep. My ever constantly disturbing dreams didn't fail me tonight, as they consisted of a drugged out Rosalie, tiny baby feet, and piercing green eyes.

It was going to be a long night.

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**A/N: So what do we think of Rose and Alice? Bree - Ha! She's a trip, right? I forgot to mention that there is pictures over on my blog of the real "Academy" and there is also pictures of the characters and such. Its lolacullenx . blogspot . com take out the spaces!**

**Review please :)**

**Lola xx**


	4. Art Club

**Hi All! I'm back! Sorry this has taken so long to post. I moved from Montana to Texas and it's been a crazy month. Things have quieted down quite a bit so we should be back on track for postings about once a week. Thanks to those that are still around. It means so much to me that people are reading this story! **

**Much more E/B interaction in this chapter. Enjoy!**

**Pre-reader is BubblyGreenBubbles and she is the sun on my rainy days. Love her to pieces.**

**This is beta'd by Nuttyginger who has agreed to stick with me to the end! WOO! I REALLY love her.**

**Song that wrote this chap: Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey**

**Fun Fact: Both my pre-reader and beta are from Australia. How funny is that? Woo hoo for Aussie love!**

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Chapter 4 - Art Club

_**Bella**_

The day went by quickly and without drama, which was surprising. Angela caught up with me at lunch to see how I was adjusting and promised we would meet next week for our first real therapy session. I gave her a sarcastic cheer, emphasized with a fist pump. I even threw in a squeal or two. I don't think Angela was amused, but I did get a few laughs out of the girls. Point for Bella!

Unfortunately, my drama free day didn't last. I was currently sitting in our dorm room being assaulted by Alice with almost every cosmetic product known to man. Don't get me wrong - I like makeup. I just like doing my own make up is all.

"Bella quit moving your head! It's annoying."

I opened one eye to look at Alice, but instead I saw an eyeliner pencil about two centimeters from my eyeball. She jerked it back from my face as she huffed in exasperation.

"Fuck, Bella, seriously? I still have to get ready too. This is taking forever." I rolled my eyes at her. "It's not like I asked you to do my makeup. You insisted. You're fault, not mine."

Rosalie looked up from her handheld mirror. "The faster you shut up and let her finish, the faster you will be done."

"That's what she said," I muttered under my breath before closing my eyes.

I was thankful that Alice and Rose had taken me under their wing. We got along great. I was like the missing piece to their puzzle.

"Okay I'm done."

I opened my eyes and saw Alice as she leaned back and handed me a mirror. My reflection was not one I expected. Gone were the dark bags beneath my eyes, and my skin looked fresh and awake. It wasn't overdone – it was perfect.

"Wow Alice. How did you do this?" I put the mirror down and looked at her.

"Lots of practice with stage makeup, Ballerina, remember?" She gave me a small smile before gathering her things to do her own make up.

I heard Rose smack her lips as she finished applying her lipstick. She caught my eye in her mirror and smiled. "Let's go sit in the common room while Alice gets ready."

As we walked into the common room, most of the girls were already there watching a movie while they waited to go to their designated club. We found an open spot on one of the couches and sat down. I was about to ask Rose how much longer we had until clubs when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I looked over at a small smiling girl with brown skin and eyes that were as black as night. Her black hair came down to her waist, and it made her look even smaller than she already did. I gave her a questioning look, and her smile grew.

"I'm Zafrina, but everyone here calls me Fifi. You're Bella, right?"

"Yeah, that's me." I turned back to ask Rose again about clubs when I felt another tap.

"You're part of Angela's caseload?" I looked at Zafrina and nodded. She seemed to be excited by this.

"Finally! I was the only girl in her caseload until now. We girls need to stick together. Those boys can be so icky." She giggled while sticking out her tongue.

_How old is this girl?_

"I'm thirteen. How old are you?"

I gave her a blank stare wondering how in the hell she knew what I was thinking.

"Did I say that out loud?"

She giggled again and nodded.

_Right._

"I'm seventeen. Aren't you kind of young to be at a school like this?" She shrugged her shoulders and looked away before answering.

"Sending me here guaranteed that I stayed in one place. In case you haven't noticed, but it's nearly impossible to run away from here," Fifi muttered through gritted teeth. Her voice was angry, in stark contrast to her timid demeanor.

I shifted on the couch and tucked one leg underneath me. "Why would you want to run away?"

"To find my mom," She said quietly.

_Oh._

She gave me a small smile before turning back to the TV. I followed her gaze and immediately recognized Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow running across the screen. I loved this movie, but really, who doesn't love Jack Sparrow?

Alice had just come in and sat down on the floor by Rose and me. I took a moment to look around the room, noticing just about every girl was here watching the movie or chatting with her neighbor. As I scanned their faces, I realized that each girl had a story of their own. From the bits and pieces I'd gathered, most of these girls were not here by choice. They all had some serious issues that they needed to deal with. I knew no one's story – not even my own. I was still trying to figure out which of my indiscretions landed me in this school.

I figured at some point I would find out why Alice and Rose were here, and possibly learn a little more about Zafrina, but why was I here? I didn't think I was a bad kid. Sure, I experimented with drugs, and I went to clubs and parties that I wasn't supposed to, but don't most teenagers do stuff like that? I absolutely hated my home life. I hated that my parents weren't together anymore. I hated my new stepmom, and I hated that my real mom had completely lost her marbles. Maybe I was here because I had anger problems, but that didn't make sense either. I may be angry, but most of all I was sad; so sad that my life turned out this way. I feel like what little control I had over my life had been taken away from me after I was sent here. My life is no longer my own. I had to follow orders – orders given by people who weren't even my parents. Normal kids didn't have to deal with this shit, but I wasn't fucking normal. I figured that one out a long fucking time ago.

I let out a long sigh, and Rose gave me a questioning glance. I just shrugged my shoulders. Why did life have to be so confusing? Finally, Lauren came in and announced that all the girls signed up for Art Club were allowed to head down to the atrium.

When we walked in the room, I saw that the boys were already seated at different tables. I became nervous as my eyes quickly scanned the room to see if Edward was there, but he wasn't. I felt let down by this for no fucking reason at all. What was with me today?

We stopped at a table with two boys already seated at it. I assumed that this was Emmett and Jasper, my roommate's boyfriends.

"Hello, ladies," said a tall boy, who looked more like a man, with dark curly hair and blue eyes. I knew from Roses description that this was Emmett.

"Hey yourself," Rose said as she plopped down in the chair next to him. I sat down next to her and Alice scooted a chair over from another table to sit next to Jasper. You could tell each couple wanted to do more in way of greeting other than a simple hello. The desire in each of their eyes was sickening, but in this fucked up institution of ours it was forbidden to touch the opposite sex. They considered hugging practically having sex. It was ridiculous.

The art instructor passed our projects around, but no one was really even paying attention. The love birds at my table were both talking quietly to each other, and I awkwardly looked around the room while trying to pay attention to whatever the fuck we were supposed to be doing. I started coloring in my 'stained glass' - which was really fucking plastic - when a pen was thrown in my direction, startling me. I looked up to see all four of them staring at me with amused expressions. Emmett was the one who spoke first.

"So what's up, new girl?"

"Oh, you know, nothing new. Same shit, different day." I side glanced Rose who just smirked.

"Really? Same shit, different day? Dude, I am so glad I am not you if you get sent to boarding schools every fucking day. That shit must suck." Rose smacked him in the back of the head and he flinched.

"Ow! Rosie, what the fuck was that for?" He glared at her while rubbing the spot where she hit him.

She just stared at him before answering, "Do you really think she's sent to boarding schools every day?"

"Uh, no. I'm not an idiot. It's called being sarcastic." He looked at her like she had lost her mind. She just rolled her eyes, and they both turned to look back at me. "Anyways, so what's the story, new girl?"

I looked at him for a moment, thinking about my answer. Well, that was a lie. I didn't have an answer, so I just stared at what looked like to be tooth paste on his shirt for a couple of second's before looking up at him and smirking.

"What story would that be? I'm not sure I have many stories to tell at the moment. What's your story, _Emmett_?" I hoped he would get the hint that I prefer names, not ridiculous nicknames like _new girl._ Seriously – that shit had got to go.

Emmett chuckled, "No can do my new friend. That's a 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' type of deal." Rose elbowed him in the side, and he looked at her mouthing 'what'. Actually, Emmett was pretty entertaining.

I looked up noticing a male staff member coming over to our table stopping right behind Rose. "Rose, make sure to keep you're hands to yourself, please, or I'm going to have to ask you to trade spots with Bella." He made sure she acknowledged him before walking away.

"This place is such bullshit. All I did was elbow him in the ribs. Not like I'm fucking him on the floor for all to see." She threw her paint pen in the bucket and pushed her pretend stained glass away from her. I understood her frustration; it truly was a joke.

"So, Bella, Jasper had the idea of playing twenty questions. What do you think?" Alice looked at me expectantly.

"Uh, isn't that kind of awkward? Just you guys just asking me a bunch of questions? I'm not sure I'm feeling that idea." I felt bad turning her down, but I wasn't in the mood for the Spanish Inquisition.

I heard Jasper clear his throat before speaking, "We could all ask and answer questions. That way not all the focus is on you."

Alice looked up at him lovingly, and I was pretty sure I saw her go to squeeze his knee under the table. Everyone seemed to be down with this idea and Emmett declared he was to ask the first question, earning an eye roll from Rose.

"Okay favorite book. Mine is _Holes_. I have no clue who wrote that shit, but it's about those kids in the desert at a boot camp. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

He looked around the table for confirmation, and the other's just looked around like they had no clue how to respond to that. Luckily for Emmett, I had read that book.

"I had to read that book in eighth grade. It was pretty good," I shrugged.

"Good? That shit was golden, new girl. The movie was even better though." I chuckled telling him I thought the movie was pretty good too. Rose decided she would be next.

"_On the Road_ by Jack Kerouac; hands down best book ever written. In my opinion at least." She shrugged.

I wasn't surprised by her choice, even with how little I knew about her, I could tell she would relate with the beat generation. A lot like I do – did.

"I love that book too." I went to give my answer but stopped when I saw Jasper begin to speak.

"That's one of my favorite books as well." He blushed a bit, and I was beginning to realize that Jasper was not a very social person.

"No shit you guys! We will have to talk about this some other time. Em and Ali you should really read it. It'll change your life." She shifted in her seat a bit so she was leaning closer towards Emmett. It was cute to watch how she just naturally gravitated towards him. If I was honest, it made me a bit lonely.

"Bella it's your turn." Rose looked at me strangely when she caught me staring. I smiled apologetically before looking down at my ring on my thumb, twirling it like I usually did when I was embarrassed.

"Right. Um, I would have to pick _Go Ask Alice, _and I'm pretty sure it's by Anonymous." I saw Alice perk up at her name being said, and a flicker of recognition appeared in her eye.

"I've read that book as well," Alice said.

"Me three," said Jasper.

"Yup, same here," said Rose.

I looked at Emmett, and he was frowning.

"Well, shit you guys, way to leave a man out."

"I'm sure we can find you a copy at some point," Rose said, chuckling.

"Yeah, well anyways, it's your turn little miss ballerina," Emmett said and we all looked at Alice.

"I really like the book _Jane Eyre_ by Charlotte Brontë." Rose and I both confirmed that we liked the book as well and then it was Jasper's turn. He had said his favorite book was _The Alchemist _by Paulo Coelho, which I had yet to read. Rose said she had though, and I was beginning to think Rose and I had a lot more in common that I had originally thought.

"Okay this shit is boring. While I'm really proud of you Em for choosing such a mature topic for our first question, it's fucking putting me to sleep. So, my question is favorite position? Personally, I'm a reverse cowgirl type of gal." She shot Emmett a wink, and he high fived her stating he could "get down with that." I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, knowing it was my turn to answer.

"Mine would have to be missionary. Guys take that shit for granted, you know? It gives you so many options."

I whipped my head to my left and came face to face with a panty-dropping grin that belonged to a bronze haired boy with piercing green eyes.

_Edward._

"Really, Edward, and what options would those be?" I heard Rose briefly say, but I was too busy staring at Edward.

His smirk became even cockier as he raised his eyebrow at me and I realized that I was still staring at him. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks as I quickly looked away. He chuckled at my embarrassment before asking whose turn it was next to answer, completely ignoring Rose's question.

"I'm not answering that question, sorry," Alice shrugged and looked curiously at Jasper.

"Sorry, me either. Pass," He winked at Alice before turning to look at Emmett.

"I can't say that I have a favorite. At this point, I'll take it any way that I can get it," He shrugged.

Everyone looked at me, waiting for a response. I contemplated not answering, but decided against it. I was confident and outgoing. Not the shy girl that blushes at the mention of something slightly uncomfortable. That wasn't me – at least not anymore. That girl is long gone.

Regardless of my pep talk, I felt the blush creep up, but I ignored it. I sat up straighter and turned to look Edward in the eyes. He looked at me curiously as he waited for me to answer.

"Definitely missionary. There's just something so sensual about it. Plus, it gives the girl access to her clit since most guys our age don't have a fucking clue what it is. Everyone deserves a happy ending, if you know what I mean," I winked at Edward as I tried my best not to laugh at his stunned expression. He quickly recovered, and a small smile played on his lips that made me feel all tingly. I was in deep shit.

Everyone was quiet for a moment while watching our little exchange before Rose busted out laughing, "You're going to fit in just fine around here, Bella," She looked to Alice who was smiling brightly as they exchanged a knowing look.

"So does someone want to tell me why you guys are discussing sexual positions? I never remember Art Club being this enlightening," Edward asked while leaning back in his chair.

"We're playing twenty questions to get to know Bella a little better," Emmett said while putting the cap back on his paint pen. No one was actually working on the art project anymore.

"Sweet. So what question are we on?" He asked.

"Three. It's Bella's turn to ask a question," Emmett said while looking at me.

"Only on the third question, and you're already talking about sex? Well then, by all means Bella, ask away," Edward smirked as he waited for me to ask the next question. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't going to say something dirty.

"Favorite band. Mine's Mumford and Sons, gotta love that Irish accent," I smirked at Edward and his look of disappointment didn't go unnoticed. It was his turn next.

He sat for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. It was cute to watch as he furrowed his brow. His hand pulled his hair, thinking through his answer. He dropped his hand and sat up straight. I could tell he'd chosen his answer.

"The Black Keys."

I smiled at his answer because I liked that band too. Alice went to tell us her answer when a booming voice sounded behind me, causing me to almost fall out of me seat.

"CULLEN!"

I didn't turn around, but whoever it was wasn't happy.

"Cullen, I told you that you were allowed to use the music room. Does this look like the music room to you?" The angry male staff member was standing right behind me now, and I glanced at Rose who just smirked.

"I'll be right there Ben, no need to hover." Edward stood, and I heard the male staff walk away.

"Well guys, that's my cue. Ladies, it been a pleasure as always, and I'll see you two fuckers later," He nodded at Jasper and Emmett.

Before I could say bye to Edward someone dropped something on the floor causing a loud bang to echo throughout the atrium and gaining everyone's attention. Everyone watched as a boy scurried to pick up the box art supplies that he knocked off the instructors table. Suddenly, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up as someone whispered in my ear, and I felt something drop in my lap.

"Bye Bella."

I looked in my lap to find a folded up piece of paper, obviously a note. I looked behind me watching Edward walk away, a small smile playing on my lips. Rose cleared her throat causing me to jump.

"Jesus you're jumpy. I would hide that if I were you – your bra works best – and don't take it out until we get back to the dorms." Her eyes darted to my lap, and I looked around making sure nobody was watching as I shoved my hand down my shirt successfully hiding the note.

A moment later, Lauren came in the room announcing it was time for the girls to head up to the dorms and get ready for lights out. There were collective groans throughout the atrium as we put our things away.

"Well it was nice meeting you, Bella. You couldn't have picked better friends to hang out with," he smiled and added, "Same time next week? Awesome. I'll keep my schedule open," he winked at Rose and mouthed 'I love you' as he waited for Jasper to finish saying goodbye to Alice.

Rose and I went ahead without Alice. I grabbed the sweats that I liked to sleep in, setting them on my bunk. I looked around seeing that most of the girls were most likely down in the bathroom doing their nightly routines, and I decided I would just change there. As I was lifting my shirt over my head someone grabbed my arm, and I yanked it back turning around to come face-to-face with Rose.

"You might want to change downstairs or at least leave your bra on until after you use the bathroom," she stared at me as if she was trying to silently elaborate on what she just said. I was confused for a moment when it dawned on me.

_The note!_

Satisfied that I finally comprehended what she was telling me, Rose grabbed her toothbrush and headed downstairs.

I couldn't believe I forgot that I had a note in my bra. Now that I remembered, it was actually quite uncomfortable sitting on my skin. I hurried and finished changing; grabbing my toothbrush as I practically ran down stairs to the bathroom. I bumped into Rose as she was on her way out. She looked like she had something to say, so I leaned in closer as she whispered in my ear.

"Either flush it down the toilet or bring it back up with you, and we'll show you what to do with it. Just don't. Get. Caught," I smiled, so she knew I heard her and continued on into the bathroom.

Of course, all of the stalls had to be full, so I decided to brush my teeth as I waited. When I was done I looked up in the mirror and watched as Bree stepped out a stall. She saw me looking at her and threw me a nasty glare as she quickly exited the bathroom. I just rolled my eyes and slipped into the stall.

Out of fifteen girls here, it just had to be her that came waltzing out of the first open stall. She didn't even wash her hands and this stall smells. _Eww._

I unfolded the note and began to read Edward's boyish scrawl:

_Dear Brown Eyed Girl, June 28, 2011_

_If you're reading this than I have successfully snuck my way into Art Club, which I am sure I was then kicked out of. Sorry about that. I'm assuming this is the first note that's been passed to you. Actually, I know it is because I haven't heard any of the other guys brag about passing you one yet. It's coming though, so be prepared :) Anyways, I have faith that Rose or Alice will help you dispose of this properly so you don't get into trouble. I know we have met in person a few times now, but I wanted to properly introduce myself. I'm Edward Cullen, I'm eighteen, and I'm the world's youngest billionaire. I have a shark tank – with a real Great White – in my bathroom, and I eat snails for breakfast. I drive a different car every day of the week, and I'm only in this school because I thought of it as a challenge. Truly, I am perfect._

_Just joking! I'm not that big of a douche. Well, that's my name and age, but the rest of it was a complete lie. I'm from Chicago, where are you from? I'm glad you befriended Rose and Alice. They're pretty much the coolest chicks here even though Rose can be a bitch most of the time. Emmett and Jasper are cool guys. You'll like them too. Do you mind me asking why you were sent here? I had a bit of a drug problem, and my parents had had enough. We'll just leave it at that for now._

_I hope that you will write me back, and that I didn't come off as a total creeper. Feel free to write about whatever. My favorite color is blue, my favorite movie is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and I hate cats. Sooo...yeah. On that note I'm going to end this here._

_I hope to hear from you soon, _

_E_

_P.S. We usually don't write names in notes in case staff get a hold of it. I would definitely get rid of this one since I can't seem to keep my mouth shut._

I folded the note back up and put it back in my bra before using the toilet. There was no way I was getting rid of this letter.

I made it back up to the dorm as Alice and Rose were climbing into bed. Alice peeked her head over the side of the bunk and whispered in my ear.

"Did you flush the note?"

"No. What do I do with it now?" I grabbed the note out of my bra quickly while no staff were near.

"Just give it to me, and I'll hide it until tomorrow and I can show you what to do with it," I handed Alice the note and climbed into bed. I wished that I could write him back now, but I knew that lights out was in five minutes.

As I snuggled up into bed, I realized something that the male staff had said to Edward when he got kicked out of Art Club.

"Hey guys, does Edward play an instrument or something?" I heard movement above me before Alice's head peeked over the side of our bunk.

"Yeah, he plays the piano. His parent's actually had his baby grand sent here so he could have it." I nodded at Alice and we both looked at Rose as she spoke.

"Em says he's really fucking anal about it though. No one's allowed to touch it, and he usually only plays at night. He has special permission from Angela. Supposedly it's 'therapeutic' or some shit," I frowned wondering why he was so weird about it. He never said anything about playing in his note either.

"Lights out ladies," Lauren came in shutting off our light and Alice moved around on her bed a bunch before finally settling in. Just as I was about to shut my eyes I heard a Alice say my name.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Give Edward a chance. He really is a good guy," I nodded my head even though she couldn't see me.

"Goodnight Bella," she said.

"Night."

As my eyelids grew heavy, all I could think about was the mystery that is Edward Cullen.

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**Reviews? Please? I live in a new city with no friends. Send me some love! *guilt trip***

**Lola x**


	5. Therapy

**Hello all! I know I failed at updating last week, but here is the much awaited first therapy session with Bella and Angela. I promise you I am writing every night and trying to get these out as fast as possible!**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger, who most likely wants to kill me after this chapter. She makes it look pretty and you all should show her some love. Her story 'Between Us' totally owns me right now. Go check it out!**

**Pre-read by BubblyGreenBubbles. She's the Ana Steele of the zodiac signs and likes to 'nerd school' me any chance she gets. I flove her anyway.**

**jmolly, TKegl, and Twilly are my WC buddies. I feel so lucky to have 'met' them. They all have some amazing stories here on ffn so go check them out!**

**jmolly - MOO! That's just for you ;) **

**Song(s) that wrote this chapter: Pretty much the entire Rubber Factory album by the Black Keys. **

**See you at the bottom!**

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Chapter 5 – Therapy

Bella

_Dear Mr. Perfect, June 29, 2011_

_I'm not sure who you are trying to impress with your claims of grandeur. I also have a large fish tank at home. Except mine houses a killer whale and not a great white shark. You drive a different car every day of the week? Have you heard of greenhouse gases? I actually don't believe in cars and prefer to walk everywhere by foot. It's more environmentally friendly, don't you think? I am no billionaire, but I won the Nobel Peace Prize when I was eight and all of my allowance money goes to a charity for children in Brazil. As for why I'm here… I'm not exactly sure. It's a question everyone keeps asking me. I'll let you know when I figure it out, though._

_You said you had a drug problem… what do you consider a problem? Speaking of which, do you like Angela as a therapist? Unlike you, my parents gave me a choice about attending here, so I have no one to blame but my self. Granted, my mom fluffed the idea up nice and pretty, and I had no idea what this place was REALLY like, but it's a lot better than living with either of my parents. I promise you that._

_This note is a rambling mess. Sorry! If I had time to write another note I would, but I don't. So don't think I'm crazy. Although, you were caught hanging around Bree, and that bitch is totally crazy, but I'm sure you can handle it. Just kidding! Okay, maybe not._

_Throughout my ramblings I realized I haven't answered any of your questions. So here it goes: I'm from Arizona, I'm seventeen, and my favorite color is green. My favorite movie is Garden State – I do love Fear and Loathing, though – and I love my cat, but dogs are cool too._

_Sincerely,_

_B_

_P.S. I don't own a killer whale nor have I won the Nobel Peace Prize. Also, I fully believe in driving everywhere because it's hot as fuck in Arizona. I do actually send money to a charity in Brazil, but only at Christmas. Okay, now I'm done. Talk to you soon!_

I folded up the note and tucked it away in my bra just in case. Rose, Alice, and I were currently sitting on the gym floor with all of our schoolbooks strewn out in front of us. It was our study hall before class began for the day, and we were supposed to be studying or writing letters to our families. I nudged Rose's foot as I grabbed my English book from underneath it. She gave a dramatic sigh because I was taking away her foot rest, but I just rolled my eyes.

_Such a princess. _

As I opened up my book to begin work on a new chapter, I heard someone yell my name from across the gym.

"Bella you have therapy. Either pick up your books, or ask the girls to take them for you." She looked back Angela and began talking. I didn't know this staff member yet. To be honest, there were so many it was hard to keep track. Angela gave me a small smile and gestured for me to follow her.

I looked over at Rose, silently asking if she would take my things if I wasn't back before the end of study hall. She just waved me on, not even looking up from whatever it was that she was working on. I got up and walked across the gym to where Angela and the female staff member were standing. They immediately stopped talking and turned to smile at me. I hate when people do that. It makes me feel as if they were just talking about me.

"Hey, Bella. You ready to go have a chat?" Angela smiled.

_This lady is too nice for her own good. _

"Sure," I smiled back.

_No! Dark Jedi mind tricks making me do as she asks…_

"Great. We'll be done in about an hour, and I'll just send her on to class," she told the staff member and turned to walk down the stairs. As I followed her I realized it was just as quiet down towards the boys area, so I assumed it was their study hall as well. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised to see Jasper sitting there with his schoolwork. He gave a small smile and a wave as we passed by to enter the front office. Before the door shut, I had an idea.

I checked to make sure Angela was still walking ahead of me, and I poked my head out the door and looked down at Jasper. He looked up at me curiously as I slipped the note from my bra and held it up to him.

"Could you give this to Edward?"

He looked around to make sure no one was watching, smiled, and held his hand out.

"Sure, no problem."

I dropped the note into his hand while thanking him and quickly let the door shut. I walked a few steps trying to catch up to Angela when she came around the corner with a curious look on her face. Panicked, I looked around and to my right was a painting on the wall. _Thank God._ I stopped and made it look as if I had been standing there the whole time.

"This painting is just so beautiful." I put my hand on my hip and gestured to the painting, "The colors and texture and shi- uh, stuff. It's really cool."

She looked at me strangely because honestly, it was a picture of fucking flowers.

"It's very pretty. Now, shall we continue on?" She gestured towards her office. I nodded and followed her down the hall.

Angela's door was open. She walked right in and sat down at her desk while opening up her computer. She asked me to close the door. I did as I was told and took a seat on the bench with an overly dramatic sigh.

_I am so going to hate this._

Angela fiddled around with something on her computer before shutting it and turning to look at me with a friendly smile.

_Because she's always so fucking happy._

"So, how has your first couple of days been?" She crossed her legs and sat back in her chair while waiting for me to respond.

"Fine." I leaned back and crossed my legs, mirroring her position.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Nope."

"Do you have anything you would like to talk about, Bella, or would you just like me to continue to ask the questions?" She looked amused but her smile never faltered.

I thought about answering, but decided that if I just stared at her long enough she would get the hint. So we sat in silence for a few moments. My eyes darted all around the office, focusing on things like she had a candy dish and that most of the books on her little book shelf were all medical journals, but I always quickly returned my eyes back to her. Angela never took her eyes off of me and it was starting to make me uncomfortable. She sighed before speaking to me again.

"I know you don't want to, but at some point we _are_ going to have to talk about things."

I just stared at her some more.

"Right. Well, I reviewed your file over the weekend. Why don't we talk about your parents divorce?"

I stopped twirling the ring on my thumb and crossed my arms over my chest, "How about we don't?"

Angela raised an eyebrow at me. "Okay then, can you tell me why you were hospitalized two times last-"

"No! I can't tell you about that. Just…stop…please?" I bit my lip and looked towards the bookshelf. She was playing dirty and luckily for her it worked. I would pretty much talk about anything to avoid going near the topic of her previous question. I braced myself for her next question as she leaned forward putting her elbow down on her desk and resting her head on her hand.

"I think I have a fairly reasonable question, one that I hope you have given much thought on since arriving at the academy."

I started to twirl my ring again while wondering what she had up her sleeve. I thought she would just go ahead and ask the question, but apparently she was going to make me participate.

"What question would that be?"

She looked at me for a moment before dropping her hand to her lap and leaning back again, "Why do you think you're here, Bella? From what I gathered you chose to attend school here, and as I am sure that you have gathered, that is not the case for most students here."

_Ah, the million-dollar question._

I stared at her for a moment debating whether or not to answer the question. Truth was I didn't have an answer. The debate was more so on whether I should talk to her about my lack of answer to the question. In the end, I figured Angela might actually be the best person to help me figure this shit out. She had access to my file, which had all sorts of information from my parents and previous therapists. If anyone was going to help me, it would be her.

"First of all, I didn't choose to come to this school as it actually is. I came to this school as how I perceived it to be." She nodded for me to continue.

But what do I know, maybe I am… you know… crazy," I said the last part quietly while looking down at my hands. "Secondly, my mom told me if I came here for a year then I could continue on to the school of my choice. Which leads me to the answer to your question," I stopped twirling my ring as she looked at me expectantly. I sighed.

"I honestly have no fucking clue why I'm here. Talking to some of the girls here, they have a lot, and I mean _a lot_ of problems. I just don't feel like I'm that level of crazy, you know?

"Every student is here for different reasons. Some may relate more so to others, but each and every one of you is different. You are your own person, Bella." I peeked up at Angela and saw her smiling.

"I know that but it still doesn't explain why I'm here," I frowned.

Angela seemed to ponder something for a moment before speaking, "What do you like to do with your free time?"

I was caught off guard by her question but quickly recovered to answer. It was an easy question. "Read books, surf the internet and listen to new music, and hang out with my friends," I shrugged.

She nodded, smiling, "And what did you like to do with your old friends?"

"We hang out. I don't know," I eyed her curiously, starting to gather where she was going with this.

"Did you go to parties with your friends? Drink? Do drugs? Anything like that?" She asked.

"Yeah, I did, but normal kids do that kind of stuff." I looked at the candy dish, really wanting the tootsie roll I saw sitting in it. Angela followed my gaze and smiled as she grabbed the dish and offered me a piece. I muttered thanks and grabbed the tootsie roll.

"That may be true, but did all of your friends have parents go through a very public and messy divorce?"

"Well, no," I frowned.

She gave me a small smile, "What kind of drugs would you do and how often?"

"Uh, Ecstasy and coke, and mainly just on the weekends. I would drop acid or take mushrooms every once in awhile though," I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. It was always weird talking to an adult about drug use.

"Did you smoke marijuana?"

"Yeah, pretty much every day, but pot isn't a drug. I can back up that theory too," I dared her to argue, but she only smiled.

"We'll come back to that at some point, but first, the types of drugs you did on the weekend are called uppers as I am sure you know. Why do you like those drugs in particular? Do you know?"

"Yeah, because they made me feel good. They were fun, and I could forget about all the shit going on at home. They made me happy." The answer was out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it.

"So on top of your parents divorce, you also had other traumatic events happen in your life that resulted in you having to seek medical attention. I know you don't want to talk about either of them, and I realize that they go hand in hand, so we will leave them for another day. Did any of your 'normal' friends have to go through any of that, though?" She stretched her legs out in front of her while waiting for me to answer.

"No they didn't." I frowned, but slowly everything started to fall into place. She was right. None of my other friends went through some crazy shit like I had. Sure, a few had divorced parents, but that was about it. Angela was right; I had fucking issues.

She gave me a sympathetic look, obviously sensing the light bulb that had just gone off in my head.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about this? Because I know that you didn't talk to your previous therapists," she winked trying to lighten the mood. I just shook my head no.

She sighed, "You aren't crazy, Bella, you just have gone through some pretty tough stuff for a kid your age, things that some adults can't even get over."

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I didn't know why. This was all stuff that I had already been told, but it just felt… different this time. Maybe it was Angela, who knows, but I really didn't want to cry. I took a deep breath, trying to get my nerves under control, and Angela continued.

"The life you were leading could have taken you down a very dark path that's really hard to come back from. Drugs are no joke. I have seen plenty of bright and beautiful girls like you follow that path and never make it back."

At this point, the tears were streaming down my face. _So much for her never seeing me cry._

Angela leaned forward and grabbed my hand. I looked up at her while wiping away the tears with my free hand.

"It'll be alright. Talking about all this stuff is good. It will make you feel much better and will give you the tools to handle tough situations without running away from them and using drugs to make you feel better," She gave me an encouraging smile and squeezed my hand before letting go.

I nodded and looked towards the clock. Angela followed my gaze. We had been talking for over an hour.

"Looks like we ran a bit over today. I want to have a few more sessions with you before we start doing phone calls with your parents, if that's okay?"

I nodded.

"Okay, great! I don't really have much homework for you today, but I think you should consider what you would like to talk about next time we meet so we don't have another standoff," She winked before standing up and handing me a tissue.

I laughed and mumbled "thanks," as I stood up too. Angela opened the door and gestured for me to walk out.

"I'm just going to walk you to the door and unlock it for you. I trust that you will go straight to class?" She gave me a serious look, and I furiously nodded. At this point, I felt that Angela was the last person I wanted to piss off.

Angela said goodbye as I stepped out into the hall. I heard the door shut behind me, and I looked around. Jasper was gone and the hall was quiet. I wondered if I should go up to my dorm and grab my books, but I figured Rose and Alice probably just took them to class with their stuff.

I started to walk past the hall that housed the boy's first aid station, when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into the darkened hallway.

"Shhhh!"

I turned around and found a smug Edward looking down at me.

"Jesus! You scared the shit out of me," I glared at him.

"Sorry," he reached into his pocket and handed me a note. "When Jasper told me you gave this to him on your way to therapy, I wanted to try and write you back by the time you were done. Angela usually just lets us out without walking us back to our dorms, just so you know."

"That makes things a bit more convenient," I smiled.

He smiled back and we heard some guys talking. It sounded farther away, but I couldn't be too sure. I looked at Edward and started to panic.

"That's just some guys down in our common room, but we should both get back to class before anyone notices." I nodded and went to walk away. I felt his hand in mine pull me back and I realized we had never let go in the first place. I could smell him as he pulled me in close. He smelled of the woods in Washington after a thunderstorm – clean and elemental. It was oddly comforting. I looked up at him curiously, wondering why he had pulled me back in. He smiled down at me.

"It'll be best if I leave first to distract any guys that may be wandering by."

I nodded waiting for him to let go of my hand and walk away. When he didn't, I looked up at him curiously. He seemed to be contemplating something, and he leant down and whispered in my ear in a voice so soft it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Don't keep me waiting for your next note, Bella," He quickly kissed my cheek while dropping my hand and walking away.

I stood for a moment trying to get my body under control. My cheeks were flushed in reaction to his voice. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I took a deep breath knowing I needed to get to class. I listened for voices, and when I heard none I dashed through the halls and came to a stop outside of my classroom. I went to open the door but realized Edwards note was still clutched in my hand. I quickly put it in my pocket and walked in the room. I went to the teacher to let him know I was out of therapy and that I needed to go to the restroom. He waved me on so I quickly strode back out of the classroom. As I shut the door and turned around, I practically ran straight into Lauren.

"I'm so sorry!" I said as I steadied myself.

"It's okay," Lauren laughed, "Where are you going?"

"The bathroom. I know I'm supposed to wait until break, but I didn't get to go before therapy and then I came straight here and-" Lauren cut me off with her hand.

"It's fine, Bella, just hurry back." I smiled thanks and hurried down the hall to the restroom.

Once I was in the restroom, I turned on the water in the sink because I didn't like how quiet it was. Not actually having to use the restroom, I just stood in the stall and unfolded my note from Edward.

_Dear Hippie Girl,_

_Your note was only a bit rambley (not a word) but it's okay because this one most likely will be too. I wanted to get it to you before you went to class, after you got done with therapy. How was that by the way? Was it your first session? Angela is pretty cool, actually. She's got this whole motherly vibe going and it makes you spill your heart out without you even realizing it. I've considered that it could actually be crazy voodoo shit that she pulls, but I think she's just easy to talk to. She's not judgmental and that's cool._

_I have heard of greenhouse gases, actually. I drive a Volvo at home and I consider that pretty environmentally friendly. Since it's 'hot as fuck' where you live and you drive everywhere, what kind of car do you have?_

_I'm not even going to say anything about the Nobel Peace Prize bit, but I do think it's cool that you donate to a charity. My mom is involved in stuff like that. I bet she would like you. Speaking of moms, it sucks yours tricked you into coming here. I was already a pretty unhappy camper when I got here, and I knew what this place was. I can't imagine being tricked into believing it was something it wasn't. Low blow, B's mom, low blow._

_What do I consider a drug problem? Um, interesting question. I did a lot of coke and it ultimately got me kicked off the baseball team at my school. That completely ruined my future of playing baseball in college. I got in a bit more trouble than that actually, but yeah, not cool._

_Ignoring the statement about Bree, but I do agree that she is crazy. I don't think crazy even begins to describe her, but moving on…_

_Garden State is a fucking awesome movie! Nice choice. Not sure how I feel about the cat, but if you like it then maybe I'll like it too. Do you play any sports or instruments? I play the piano…sometimes…and I already told you about baseball. _

_Well, I hope that Angela helped you figure out why you are here because I really want to know, and I expect an update in the next note. Speaking of which, the guys are pretty jealous I am writing to the most beautiful girl in school. Dike Newton (okay it's really Mike) is planning on passing you a note though, or so I've heard. Good luck with that _

_Yours,_

_E_

_P.S. What dorm are you in?_

I sighed and folded the note back up before flushing it down the toilet. Alice showed me how to hide our notes within the letters we got from family members, but seeing as I hadn't received any yet I didn't want to keep giving them to Alice to hold onto. Plus, I didn't want it poking my boob for the duration of school. That shit was uncomfortable.

I shut off the water in the bathroom and wandered back to class. It was fairly quiet when I walked in, and as I sat down Alice gave me a curious look. I smiled, telling her we would talk during break.

I opened up my notebook and turned it to the page I had been working on. As I stared at the paper, my mind wandered back to Edward and his note. He had called me the most beautiful girl in school. I wasn't conceited by any means, but I definitely thought I was better looking than Bree. The most beautiful girl though? No way. I'm not even sure why he was so interested in me. I'm just going to chalk it up to boredom because surely there had to be much more interesting girls here than me. For all I knew, he had a girlfriend waiting on him at home. I hoped that wasn't the case though, considering he had kissed me on the cheek. Maybe it was just a friendly kiss? Yeah, probably not.

I didn't really know him, but every time I was around him my body would react in ways I had never known before. He is much taller than I, and his broad shoulders towering over me made me feel safe. I tended to like skinny boys, and while Edward was skinny, he was still toned. Evidence from when he played baseball, I was sure. His hair was longer than it was in the picture I saw in the office my first day, but it was still just as wild. I imagined him wearing a beanie and had to stop myself from moaning out loud. _I loved me a guy in a beanie. _

"Ladies, we're all taking break together today. You have ten minutes," Lauren poked her head in the room, effectively scaring the shit out of me.

I looked down at my work sheet and realized I hadn't gotten a single thing done. Looking over at Alice, she was just staring at me with an amused expression.

"Looks like you got a ton of work done there, Bella," Alice smirked.

"Yeah well, whatever," I rolled my eyes. Suddenly, I felt my desk shake with a loud smack and I jumped.

"What's up, bitches?" I looked up and saw a smiling Rose. Obviously proud of herself for scaring me. I heard Alice snort beside me and I turned to glare at her.

"Bella is in her own little world today," Alice said. Rose turned back to look at me, eyebrow raised.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I have no idea what she's talking about," I shrugged and heard Alice scoff. Rose just looked at the both of us before rolling her eyes,

"Okaaay, anyways. How was therapy?" she asked.

"It was good."

"You were there for quite awhile," Alice looked at me curiously.

"Yeah, I kinda got held up for a bit afterwards," I smirked.

Rose looked up at me amused, "Oh? Held up how?"

"When I went into therapy, Jasper was sitting at the bottom of the stair case, and I managed to give him my note for Edward. When I was heading back to the classroom, Edward surprised me and pulled me into the first aid room;" I whispered hoping no one could hear me. I looked around but it looked like no one was paying attention to me.

Rose nudged me, "Well, what happened? Did you guys make out? Get a quickie in? You better have taken some sort of advantage of the opportunity you were given. I would kill for that to have been Emmett and I. All we would need is ten minutes," She winked at me, but I was too mortified that she had suggested that Edward and I should have fucked.

"Uh, Rose, she barely knows the guy. I doubt she fucked him in the first aid hall," Alice rolled her eyes and looked at me. "So did you get another note?"

I nodded, "That's why I went to the bathroom when I first came to class. I read it and flushed it."

Rose huffed and hopped off the desk she had sat on in front of me.

"This is lovely and all, but I gotta piss like a race horse. I'll see you guys for dinner." Rose walked out of the classroom just as Lauren came in telling everyone to get back to work.

I sighed and looked down, deciding I should probably get some work done instead of daydreaming about Edward and his beanie. I heard Alice laugh quietly next to me and turned to see her staring at me and shaking her head. She was obviously onto where my train of thought had been. I blushed.

_Edward Cullen was going to be the death of me._

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**Rec's this week:**

**Wild Child by FluffyLiz. If you aren't already ****reading this then you should head over there NOW! It's amazing and makes me so angry/hot/sad/happy it's unreal. Liz totally pulls at your heartstrings. Olderward at his best.**

**Offbeat by Sexylexicullen. This girl is such a badass, there isn't anything she writes that I don't like. This Bella is a little weird and a Copward that is pretty sure he likes weird :)**

**Fatherhood, Formula, and Other F Words by anhanninen. It's a Whoreward turned Daddyward you don't want to miss. **

**Okay, so I am going to resort to begging. _PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE_ review! The traffic stats are astonishing compared to the amount of people reviewing. It hurts my heart a litte. Okay, it hurts a lot. If you hate it - tell me. If you love it - tell me. If you just want to stop by and *wave* that works too. I respond to all reviews, I promise!**

**Saving the best for last, a big shout out to ClancyJane, LiLi82, and AmayaBlack for reviewing every chapter. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You guys make my day every time.**

**Lola x**


	6. I have an idea

**Hi All! Here is our first Edward POV. I hope you like it! **

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger who just so happens to be on a European vacay and STILL got my chapter beta'd. She's the best.**

**Pre-read by BubblyGreenBubbles and I think by now you all know how much I lurve her.**

**A/N at the bottom!**

_**SM Owns all things Twilight.**_

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_**Edward**_

I sat staring at the ceiling, thinking of nothing but eyes of swirling chocolate.

_Bella._

When I first saw her in the front office, I was drawn to her. She sat on the couch waiting for Angela with her arms crossed and a pissed off look on her face. I couldn't help but feel attracted to her. Her long, flowing brown hair, and big beautiful eyes flinted with anger.

_Who doesn't love a feisty woman?_

Bella was a rarity around here. Truly attractive girls were few and far between. Rosalie was pretty good looking, but not my type. The whole blonde hair and bright red lipstick didn't do much for me. She was also Emmett's girl. Emmett and Jasper were my closest friends here, and Jasper was dating Rosalie's best friend Alice. They were the awesome four-some, and then there was me, playing fifth wheel. I'd tried to get to know Bree Tanner, but that girl was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She also had an obsession with that bronzer shit girls used. It always ended up on my shirt when she would try and steal a kiss from me in between classes or therapy. It was pretty fucking gross. I'd planned on breaking it off with Bree before I'd even met Bella.

I rolled over in my bunk trying to get comfy, when I realized I couldn't get those brown eyes out of my mind. The more I thought about her, the harder my dick got. Luckily, Ivy dorm consisted mainly of all my friends. We were pretty open about that shit. Honestly, we had to be okay with the occasional wank in the middle of the night. Yeah, it was weird, but we were teenage boys. That shit just can't be contained sometimes.

I took a deep breath and lowered my hand under the waistband of my plaid pajama pants. Grasping my dick, I gently stroked it, making it harden with each pass. The make believe image of Bella's round, perky boobs, and the way her cut off white shirt barely grazed the top of her jeans. I imagined what it would be like to take her shirt off and grab both tits in my hands as I pushed them together to create the ultimate cleavage. As I squeezed her breasts, I sucked on each nipple, feeling them tighten. I moved my hands further south and began to undo the top button of her jeans. She would moan at my touch, urging me forward. I took two fingers and ran them down her slick folds before bringing them back up to put pressure on her clit.

Tightening the grip on my dick as I pumped my hand up and down, spreading the moisture that was leaking from the tip. I pictured Bella removing her jeans and spreading her legs, open and inviting me to settle down between them. While positioning my dick at her entrance I teased her a little bit, reveling in the sound of her moans of pleasure. As I thought of pushing myself deep inside her, I tightened the grip on my dick and grabbed my balls with my other hand, lightly kneading them between my fingers. I pumped harder, faster, tighter, as I imagined how tight Bella would be. I felt my stomach tighten as I pictured Bella writhing beneath me, and just as she would have screamed my name, I felt the warm evidence of my orgasm on my stomach.

I laid there trying to catch my breath, not giving a fuck if someone heard me.

After I caught my breath, I leaned down to grab the towel I kept in the bin underneath my bunk. I quickly cleaned up and curled into myself, wrapping the blankets tightly around me. I'd asked Bella in my last note what dorm she slept in. I wondered if she was in Ivy dorm with Alice and Rose. If she was, that meant she was just on the other side of the door. I found myself smiling at the thought that she was sleeping so close, but then rolled my eyes.

_I am turning into such a pansy._

~TANB~

I awoke the next morning feeling dirty from my activities the previous night. I jumped out of bed to hurry and get a shower before breakfast. If I didn't hurry, the bathroom would become a shit show of guys getting pissy over who got the showers first, and then I would have to wait until after breakfast. I was not going down to breakfast with remnants of my funk on me. What if I saw Bella? I shuddered. That would just be weird. Not that she would know, but still.

I stepped under the spray and closed my eyes relaxing. I loved being one of the first guys up because it meant I almost always got a shower. Luckily Angela had it cleared for me to play my piano past lights out, and most of the graveyard staff were chill enough to let me take a shower before I went up to bed. Most guys didn't even know the graveyard staff. They arrived an hour after lights out and were gone before we woke up, but I had gotten to know them fairly well. Demetri was my favorite. He would let me bum cigs and snuck me a beer here and there. It calmed me and allowed me to actually let go while playing. The more I thought about it, I missed my piano. I hadn't played in awhile. Come to think of it, I hadn't played since–

"FUCK!" I practically shrieked as the water in my shower turned ice cold. I immediately turned it back to hot and jumped as it scalded me. The water here was so fucking touchy.

I popped my head out and caught an eyeful of Emmett's ass.

"I swear to Christ, Em, I don't need that this morning." I closed my shower curtain as I heard him chuckle.

"Aw, come on, Eddie, you know you like it," I rolled my eyes.

"So Edward, I heard some pretty interesting noises coming from your bunk last night. Care to explain?" By the tone of this voice I knew he was teasing, but it still annoyed me nevertheless.

"Shut up. It's not like we haven't heard you panting Rose's name in the middle of the night." I heard his shower curtain rip open, and I poked my head out to see what he had to say.

"Dude, If you had a girlfriend as hot as my Rosie and you weren't allowed to fucking touch her, you would be spanking the monkey on the regular too," He looked at me with as much of a serious expression as Emmett could possibly possess, but an evil grin spread across his face.

"Which leads me to my next question, who has _you_ doing the dirty with yourself in the middle of the night?"

I rolled my eyes and snapped my curtain shut, deciding I should probably get the hell out of the shower. Emmett was still chuckling at me.

"I would venture to guess her name starts with a B and rhymes with rubella," his chuckle turned into a full-out belly laugh, and I shut off the water in my shower and stepped out.

"You're such an idiot," I yelled at him as I grabbed my towel and stepped out of the way, so another guy could have my shower. After I had my things I looked up and saw it was Mike Newton that was next in line. I smirked as I walked by, hoping that he had heard Em and I's conversation.

I quickly dressed hoping that I would be ready early enough to go wait while the girls finished up breakfast. They had to walk right by our common room on their way back upstairs, and I hoped that Bella had another note for me. It kind of sucked that the girls had to get up earlier than us. Let's be honest, we suck at getting up early, and the girls wouldn't get to eat breakfast until ten in the morning if they had to wait for us to eat first. When I got down there though, I could hear the girls stomping up the stairs to their dorms, and I realized I'd missed my chance. I sighed and made my way into the atrium to sit at our regular table and not at all surprised that Jasper was already there.

I plopped down at the table and nodded at Jasper, "Sup."

He looked around, which made me look around, but we were the only ones in the atrium, aside from a few other half asleep looking guys. I looked back at him and frowned.

"What?"

He leaned in and spoke quietly, "Look under the table. Bella left you a note."

I quickly looked around again checking there were no staff were around and looked under the table. Sure enough, tucked into the metal supports was a note. I could see another one tucked in by Em's spot. I chuckled as I pocketed the note and looked back up.

"It seems the girls have been teaching Bella all the tricks. I'm guessing you got one too?"

Jasper smiled, "Yeah. I saw Alice in therapy last night and she told me it would be here in the morning." I nodded.

Alice and Jasper had Leah Wolfe as their therapist, and she's only available evenings. She was a teacher by day or some shit like that. Anyway, her caseload got to chill together most nights in the hall outside of her office while she did therapy. Most of the kids in her caseload had mental issues or some fucked up shit happen to them. Everyone knew that if you were assigned Leah when you got here, then your story was not a pretty one. Not that anyone's story here was pretty, but you know what I mean. Jasper had been badly abused when he was a kid, and he was taken from his birth parents when he was ten. His aunt and uncle adopted him. They were really nice people, but Jasper was pretty fucked up from it. He even had burn marks from where his dad would put out cigarettes on him. Like I said, his story was fucked.

I didn't know much about Alice, but I did know that her and Jasper were definitely soul mates or some shit. They could talk without actually talking – a real emotional connection. I envied them, but because of Jasper's level of respect for Alice, he's never said much about why she was here. I knew she used to be some kind of prima ballerina, but that's about it.

"Morning fuckers!" Emmett sat at the table with a tray full of food. He had two bowls of cereal, a bagel and cream cheese, what looked like two servings of eggs, bacon, and five pancakes. He would eat it all, too.

"Well, I guess it's just a good morning to you, Jay. My sweetheart and I already had our 'good morning', right, Edward." He ruffled my hair and I smacked his hand away while standing to go get food.

Jasper came with me, and we got through the breakfast line quickly. Jasper barely ate, it was kind of weird considering we were teenage boys, but I didn't think he had a problem or anything. He got weird about being able to have whatever he wanted, and I think it overwhelmed him sometimes.

We made it back up, and Emmett was already half way done with his breakfast buffet.

"Those girls, man, they are so sneaky; leaving shit under the tables. I kind of feel like an idiot for not thinking of it first," Emmett said.

"That's because you are an idiot," I laughed. He put his hand over his heart pretending to be wounded.

"So back to our conversation in the shower, does Eddie boy have a little crush on the new girl?" Emmett grinned knowing how fucked up that part about the shower sounded. I saw Jasper look up in curiosity.

I groaned and ran my hand through my hair. It was probably best to just get this out of the way now. Guy's were ten times worse than girls when it came to gossiping. It was ridiculous.

"Yeah, I like her. So what?" I shrugged.

Emmett put down his bagel slice and gave me a serious look. "Don't fuck with her, man. It's obvious Rosie and Alice like her, and shit will just be awkward if you ditch her. Plus, she's fucking cool." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not going to fuck with her, swear. I genuinely like her, and, you're right, she's pretty fucking cool," I smiled. Emmett stared at me for a minute looking for any sign that I was lying, but he found none and smiled as well.

"I'm glad. I'm also glad you're done chasing that perma-fried cheeto chick around. What's her name again?" He looked at Jasper who wasn't really paying attention to our conversation anymore.

"Her name's Bree, and I wasn't chasing her around. I was just lookin' to get my dick wet. You feel me?" I shrugged.

Emmett scoffed, "Aren't we all?" He had a point.

I was suddenly very anxious to get up to the dorms, so I could read my note from Bella. We quickly finished our breakfast and headed up that way. As we walked past the boy's unit director, Garrett, he stopped talking to one of the boys and yelled after me.

"Cullen! You still have ten points to work off from your little adventure in the female dorm." I groaned and ran my hand through my hair. I'd already worked off twenty-five points from that disaster.

"Can't we just forget about those? Come on, I already worked off twenty-five fucking points." He laughed.

"No can do, Cullen, and if you don't watch your mouth I'll give you two points for foul language."

"Fine. Can I do one big job, and we call it good?" I had a feeling I knew what I would get for asking this.

"Clean all the bathrooms, toilets and showers included, and we have a deal," He smirked. I pretended to mull it over but smiled.

"Deal. Can I start now?"

"Yeah, just wait till everyone is done showering," he said as he turned around, effectively dismissing me.

Emmett had stayed by my side during the exchange with Garrett and he gave a low whistle as we head up to the dorms.

"That's the shits man. Both bathrooms? That'll take all morning." I smirked at his naivety.

"That was the point. I can read the note from Bella and still have plenty of time to clean the bathrooms. Plus, they aren't that bad. The guys have to clean them every day for dorm chores, I just have to do it all by myself." I thought it was a pretty good deal. Garrett thought he was so smart, but we were almost always one step ahead of him. I wasn't complaining though. A dumb director is better than a smart one.

I bid farewell to Emmett and made my way into one of the bathrooms. There were a few guys showering, but that was it. I slipped into a stall and took out Bella's note. I smiled when I saw her girly handwriting.

_Dear Mr. Mom,_

_A Volvo? You drive a Volvo? I won't lie; the new models are actually pretty cute… for a girl to drive, or a soccer mom. I drive a white BMW 328i, and because you are a guy, I'm assuming you know what that is. It's cool and pretty. I would've been just as happy with something less flashy. But, my dad was really proud of the purchase, so I didn't complain. _

_My first session with Angela went well, I think. We talked a bit about why I'm here, and I agree that she's good at getting things out of you. She made me realize some stuff I was having a hard time figuring out on my own. I thought that my actions at home were fairly normal, i.e. partying, drugs, alcohol, etc., Because all of my friends did them too. But, Angela made me realize that it wasn't normal. At least, not for me. I've been through some pretty traumatic experiences, and I was coping with them in the worst of ways. Why did you start doing coke? Drugs made me happy when everything else around me made me sad. It was as simple as that. Funny how the simplest things can seem so complicated. _

_So, baseball huh? I can't say that I'm surprised. You definitely have the body for it. That sucks about being kicked off the team, though. Are you sure that your chances at college baseball are ruined? I think you should try and be positive. If you're good enough, it shouldn't matter about some stupid mistake in high school. Although, you didn't actually tell me what you did… so I guess I could be wrong. You didn't kill anyone did you? No, wait. You'd be in jail. Phew!_

_I don't play any sports or instruments, but I do have a passion for music. Maybe one day I'll get to hear you play the piano?_

_None of the girls have really said much about us passing notes (except R&A), but I think that's because no one really knows. Regardless, I seem to think that I'm passing notes with the most handsome guy in school, so we're a good match ***winks***_

_Also, I think I should say that I'm not in the habit of hiding in dark hallways with boys. Especially cute boys that like to give me sudden kisses on the cheek, and then leave me in said hall all by myself. Well played, Mr. Mom._

_Well, until next time…_

_Yours,_

_B_

_P.S. I live in Ivy dorm._

I folded the note back up and flushed it down the toilet. No use in getting caught with it, and I didn't need the note to remember what Bella had said. I walked out of the stall and noticed that all the guys had cleared out of the bathroom. As I cleaned, I thought back to Bella's note and the wheels started turning in my head.

_Bella lived in Ivy dorm… _

_Rose and Alice live in Ivy dorm..._

_Emmett, Jasper, and I live in Ivy dorm…_

_And the only thing separating us was a wall that conveniently had a door that lead between the two dorms._

I stopped what I was doing and smiled. The door between the two Ivy dorms had an electric keypad on it to keep the door locked. From what I saw, there wasn't an alarm on the door, just the lock. This was going to take some planning, a lot of bribing, and some good ol' ninja lock picking skills.

I finished up with the bathrooms as fast as possible, but by the time I was done it was lunch time. I grabbed some food quickly before heading into the atrium to find Jasper and Em. They were already seated at our usual table and Emmett looked up and shouted at me with his mouth full as I approached.

"There's my little cleaning fairy. How'd it go?"

I ignored him and put my tray on the table as I sat down smiling.

"Cleaning toilets shouldn't have you grinning like that, bro," Emmett said.

"You guys, I have an idea."

I heard Emmett snort, but I ignored him anyway, because I, Edward Anthony Cullen, had the greatest idea _ever. _But I didn't just have the greatest _idea _ever_…_

I had a plan.

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**So what do we think? I know, I know, Edward seems like a bit of a douche in this chapter, but I promise he's a good guy. But, he is a guy, and this chapter was very much a look into the boys lives and how they interact. I hope everyone gets that. **

**I had a TON of new followers this past week! *WAVES* I think there is around 70 of you at the moment and that is just so crazy to me! It warms my heart to see that many people are reading my story. Make sure to leave me a review and let me know how you found my story, so I can give proper thanks :)**

**I'm working on the next chapter and it should be up in the next week or so. Please let me know what you thought of Edward's PV and whether you would like to see more or less of it in the future. Thanks!**

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**Lola x**


	7. Equine Therapy

**Hey all! I know, it's been forever. I started school AND a new job all in the same week. It's taken me a bit to adjust, but things have finally gotten less crazy.**

***WARNING* This chapter will reveal a big part of Bella's past. First and foremost, I DO NOT wish to offend anyone with the content of this chapter. It's a very personal subject that, unfortunately, many women have had to endure. Please, do not leave me hate reviews and what not. This is my story and I'm writing it the way I want to. I hope everyone can appreciate that.**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger**

**Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles**

**IMPORTANT A/N AT THE END!**

**Enjoy :)**

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Bella POV

"Bella?"

I looked up from the hand-held mirror I was using to finish up my make-up for the day and saw Fifi standing there kind of awkward.

"Hey What's up?"

She walked towards me and plopped down on the floor at my feet.

"Lauren said you would need your boots for going to the stables," She said while gesturing to the hideous boots next to her. I refrained from rolling my eyes. Today, two therapy groups had equine therapy and mine happened to be one of them. I thought back to the conversation I had with Rose this morning at breakfast.

"_Bella, did you know Angela's caseload has equine therapy today?"_

_I frowned, "What the hell is equine therapy?" _

"_Pretty much your worst nightmare. It's therapy with horses, and at the end you have to do group therapy with those in your group," I groaned and looked at Alice, who only nodded in confirmation._

I figured working with horses couldn't be that bad. I'd actually been riding horses most of my life. I quit riding shortly after my accident. I just couldn't focus or connect with my horse, Twilight, anymore. I still had her, but she was being ridden by a younger girl that was more than willing to compete with her. It made me sad to think how I had abandoned Twilight, but it was for the best. We would've just both wound up injured if I continued to ride.

"So, Bella, do you like horses?" Fifi looked at me curiously.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I do. I own a horse actually."

Her eyes widened at my admission. "Really? I'd never been around a horse before coming here. They intimidate me a little."

She began to pick at the carpet. I stood up and offered her my hand to stand up as well. I put the hideous brown boots on, and we walked down to the gym where we would be taken out to the New Beginnings Ranch. Alice told me that the ranch was actually a more intense residential treatment program that was affiliated with the Academy. We wouldn't see those kids, but we went out there to use their horses.

When we got down to the gym there were a few other girls standing around, including Bree.

"New Girl. I forgot you were in Angela's group. Actually, I forgot that you even existed." Bree sneered.

"I do have a name you know," I mumbled, before rolling my eyes as I turned around to look at Fifi. She gave me a sympathetic smile, which only annoyed me more, though I would never show it. She was only being nice.

It sucked that Bree's group was doing therapy as well, but I just tried to ignore her and think about happy things, like the fact that Edward would be there. I was also happy that Bree and Edward still had a standing order, which meant they weren't allowed to talk to each other nor be near one another. If I just stuck by Edward, I would be fine.

The female staff that would be taking us to the ranch finally showed. There were six of us in total – Fifi and I from Angela's caseload – and three from the other one. When we finally made it outside where the vans were located, I saw Edward standing there talking to the male staff. When he looked up at me, he smiled. I felt a blush spread across my face as I bit my lip and looked away.

It seemed everyone was standing around, waiting. I started to ask Fifi about her equine therapy experience, but someone interrupted us.

"Hey, Bella." Edward was standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey," I said, smiling.

"I talked the staff into letting us all ride in one van since there isn't many of us. Will you sit with me?"

I almost laughed at how juvenile it sounded, but then remembered that I was at a school where touching a boy was strictly forbidden. I looked at Fifi to make sure she was cool and she just shrugged.

"As long as Fifi can sit with us, I will."

Edward smiled. "Yeah, of course."

We walked over to the van and got in. Everyone else was still standing around outside chatting, so we got the last row of seats in the van. Fifi went in first, then me, and then Edward. Edward scooted close enough to me so our legs were touching. The contact made me smile. It had been a long time since I'd been okay with contact from the opposite sex. Usually, I just endured it, but with Edward it was different. _He_ was different. I wasn't quite sure why he was different yet, but I felt it in his touch.

The van rocked slightly as the other students climbed in. I had to keep myself from groaning out loud when Bree and the other girls from her group sat in the row in front of us. I ignored the glare she gave me when she saw how close Edward and I were sitting together. Some of the boys in the front were arguing over which radio station should be playing, but other than that the ride was quiet. I thought of something I'd wanted to ask Edward, and when I looked at him he was looking at me expectantly. I smiled and began to speak, but was rudely cut off by Bree.

"Hey, Bella, did you ever get that rash checked out?" I looked at her like she had grown three heads, but she ignored me. "You know, the rash that you said was really bothering you, down there," she whispered the last part pointing at her crotch.

I groaned and leaned back in the seat, trying to pretend that Bree didn't exist. I considered mouthing off to her, but decided against it once I felt Edwards hand gently slip into mine, interlocking our fingers.

"Hey, Bree, Have they still not figured out your meds for your schizophrenia?" My head whipped to Fifi and I just saw her smirking at Bree.

"I _do not _have schizophrenia," She huffed and briefly glanced at Edward. I smiled and looked at him too, but he wasn't paying any attention to her, looking out of the window instead. His thumb was rubbing small, soothing circles on the palm of my hand. Our hands were getting sweaty, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. His hand was in mine and not Bree's, and that's all that mattered.

We carried on small talk the rest of the way to the ranch, and with little interference from Bree. As we pulled in, I began to get excited at the thought of getting to ride a horse again. I had missed it immensely. I thought that maybe I should get back into riding once I got out of here. I was sure whatever boarding school I attended next would have a stable near by, if not on campus.

I looked over at Edward and he was watching me with an amused expression.

"Why are you so excited?"

"I love horses. I haven't ridden in forever; this is going to be fun, I think!"

His brows furrowed, "Uh, Bella, we don't get to ride the horses. Well, you do after awhile, but you want to really hope you don't ever get to because that would mean you have been at the academy for a long time," I looked at him confused.

"What the hell are we doing if we don't ride them?"

"Nobody told you?"

"Told me what?" The irritation was evident in my voice.

"Well, we have to complete these tasks." Edward was treading lightly, and I had no idea why. I was about to ask him to just spit it out already when I felt Fifi nudge me with her elbow. I looked at her and she gestured for me to move. Confused, I looked at the front of the van and saw that everyone was getting out of the van. I felt Edward's hand squeeze my hand tightly before letting go. The cool air made me miss his touch immediately.

As we gathered around the van a man in his mid-forties instructed us that we would be going out into the pasture and haltering five horses. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, I thought. Our group began to follow him, and I looked around trying to find Edward. He snuck up behind me giving my side a tickle, making me laugh. I looked up at his smiling face and lightly punched his arm.

"Ow! Don't hit me!" Edward laughed.

"Then don't tickle me. All's fair in love and war, don't you know?" I felt the color leaving my face as I realized what I'd said. Unfortunately for me, Edward also caught it too.

"Love?" He quirked his eyebrow, and I watched as a blush began to creep up his ears and cheeks.

"Um." I had nothing.

"Bella! Edward! Let's get a move on it." Both of our heads turned towards the voice that had shouted our names, and I saw that the group was quite a bit ahead of us. I turned and walked away from Edward without another word.

I mean, what was I supposed to say? I don't love Edward. That would be… awkward. Was I enamored? Yes. I liked Edward, a lot, but it wasn't love quite yet. I take the word very seriously, having only ever said it to two people in my entire life – my mom and dad. Sure, I'd thought I loved plenty of people or things, but then I found out I hadn't actually love them. I'd just really, really, liked them. Love shouldn't hurt you nor should it leave you. Plenty of people I thought loved me or that I may have thought I loved, have done both. So, maybe I'm afraid of the word love. Or maybe I'm just afraid of love all together? Shit, I need to talk to Angela about this.

I shook my head to rid my mind of its chatter about love. At some point, our group had stopped at the steel fence around the pasture. I looked around and noticed that Edward is standing far away from me, and I frowned. He turned his head to look at me and I waved him over, because pretending our awkward moment never happened was just how I was, but then I noticed that not only was Edward is staring at me. Everyone is staring.

"What?"

"Bella, Liam asked you to come out and halter a horse," the female staff gestured for me to come out into the pasture. I looked and noticed that four other students were already standing out there, halters in hand. Great, I looked like an idiot, and apparently the instructors name is Liam.

I grabbed the halter and began to walk out into the pasture to stand beside a gray horse that hadn't already been spoken for, but as I was walking I felt my foot trip over something hard, and I knew I was going down. My hands went out and I caught myself from going face first into the mud. I quickly stood back up and brushed myself off. I looked up and saw Bree snickering.

"That was quite the tumble you took. You should really watch where you're going." She turned away from me smirking while doing that ugly hair flip bitchy girls always seem to do.

I walked over to my horse and began to halter it, not even knowing if we were supposed to start. The gray mare looked older, but showed nothing but kindness in her eyes. It was calming, and I decided I liked her already. My plan to stick by Edward quickly changed to one of sticking by the old gray mare.

"All of these people are crazy, Mrs. Gray, but I bet you probably know that by now. I'm not too crazy, I don't think," I whispered quietly to her while rubbing her nose. She just stood there calmly, and I wished for a moment that I was a horse. A wild horse, though, because nobody was jumping up on my back, that's for damn sure.

"You're good with horses." A voice said behind me and I jumped, causing Mrs. Gray to blow snot into my hand in annoyance. I quickly wiped my hand on my already dirty jeans and turned around.

"I have my own back home, but I haven't ridden her in awhile." Liam gave me a small smile.

"Well, we won't be riding today, but you should consider talking with you're therapist about coming out here for a session. I bet it would be good for you."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "We can do that?"

"Sure you can. Just tell them I said it was fine, and they can get in touch with me to set it up. I'm Liam by the way." He stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Bella." I shook his hand and he told me to follow the others out of the pasture to the indoor arena. Mrs. Gray was in the very back, so I was the last to exit. By the time I got into the arena Liam was setting up two poles horizontally from each other with about six-feet in between them. I looked around and noticed that the others had let go of their horses, so I did the same, although Mrs. Gray didn't go anywhere. She nudged my hand with her nose, and I smiled as I scratched it.

"Okay, guys. Today, our task is a hard one I'm afraid." Liam spoke to all of us, and I heard a few groans. I was intrigued to say the least. If we weren't riding the horses, what the hell were we doing?

Liam walked over to where the two poles lay and stood in between them, "I want you to think of the space between these poles as a bridge. The left side of the arena is the dessert and the right side is the oasis. The bridge connecting the two."

"Your task today is to get all five horses across the bridge, at the same time, and it must be from the dessert to the oasis. Not the other way around."

I looked around as I watched a few more people groan, and I wondered what in the fuck was supposed to be so hard about this. All we had to do was walk the five horses from the dessert over the make believe bridge into the oasis. Easy.

"For those of you that this is your first equine therapy, there are rules. After I tell you to begin your task, you cannot talk to each other or the horses. You may not simulate a bribe to the horses, and you may not touch the horses. Everyone understand?"

There were mumbled responses around the arena, and Liam told us to start. My feet were glued to my spot as I stood there stunned. How the fuck were we supposed to get five horses across without talking to each other and without touching the horses?

I watched as everyone stood around for a moment staring at each other, but then everything began at once. People were waving at each other while pointing at where they think they should move. There was frustration, anger, and we were scolded for talking more than once. But in the end, we only had to start over twice. After about an hour, we finally managed to get all five horses across the bridge from the dessert to the oasis. Most of us were panting and physically drained, but still high on the euphoric feeling of accomplishment. That shit was hard, but we did it.

We gathered around Liam. I chose to sit on top of the steel fence that surrounded the arena, hoping that I was out of the way enough to not be noticed.

"Good work today guys. How does everyone feel?" There were mumbles and a few jokes cracked, but I stayed silent. I wasn't sure what to expect from this group therapy. Liam asked everyone to quiet down so we could begin.

"I chose the oasis theme for a reason. In life, we endure hardships. During those hardships, we are looking for the metaphorical bridge to take us to the oasis, or to happier times. The horses represent that it may take a few tries to get over that bridge, but in the end you will get there. The key, my friends, is not to give up."

What Liam was saying resonated deep within me. I understood it perfectly, and although I sort of felt I had given up by agreeing to come to The Academy, maybe it was really my metaphorical bridge to a better future.

I suddenly felt eyes on me, and I looked to see Liam staring straight at me. A feeling of dread crept in as my heart began beating frantically in my chest.

_Please do not call me out, please._

"Bella, would you mind sharing with us a bit about why you're here and you're thoughts on our session today?"

I cleared my throat while rubbing my clammy hands together. I hated speaking in front of people, especially people I barely knew. "Um, I'm Bella, and I'm here for a few reasons, I suppose. Some I'm still figuring out and others I've just recently begun to understand," I looked to Liam for guidance.

"Can you tell us about some of those reasons?" He asked.

I almost whimpered in response. Couldn't he tell I was about to pass the fuck out?

"Sure. I had a few traumatic events happen in my life, which made me rebel. I thought it was normal, every day teenager stuff, but when I got here I realized it wasn't normal. Normal teenagers don't have to go through the things I've been through." Liam cocked his head to the side, and I continued to only look at him. I knew that if I looked at the other faces staring at me I would throw up.

"I'm intrigued by you're word usage, Bella. Do you mind sharing something that made you rebel?"

A cold sweat broke out over my body, and I panicked. I hadn't even told Angela everything that had happened to me, although I was sure she already knew. She had mentioned the hospital records after all. So, I went with what I usually told people.

"Well, my dad repeatedly cheated on my mom, who in turn had chronic depression. She tried to kill herself more than once and was in and out of rehabs and mental institutions for bulimia and said suicide attempts. My father worked long hours, and unfortunately, I was the one she took most of her anger out on. I wish I could say that these were the only traumatic events in my life, but they weren't. Even though she didn't physically cause the other ones, I do believe that if it weren't for the bullshit – I mean crap – going on at home, I would have never been in those other situations." As I said the words the hate that I harbored for Renee began to fester deep inside me and I felt the tears start to form in my eyes.

"Bella, although people play a major part in our lives and who we are, especially those close to you, they don't control who you are and how you react to them. I believe you're being evasive on these other events because you aren't ready to talk about them, but I encourage you to do so. Only you can control your present and your future. I leave out the past because it's just that – the past. Sometimes, though, we didn't deal with things in the moment, and we have to revisit the past so that we can move on with our future, and that's okay."

The tears were falling freely as I listened to what Liam had to say. I refused to look at anyone, just staring across the arena, focused on a small window near the roof. I felt the presence of people shifting around me but didn't dare to look. I just nodded, hoping that we could be done for the day.

"I don't mean for this to be embarrassing or hurtful in any way, but whatever these events were that don't include your mother, are not her fault. You said that you rebelled. You chose that, Bella, not her. You're the only one that can control your actions. In the end, your actions put you in these other traumatic events, not your mother."

I felt the anger boil inside of me. I looked from my spot across the arena to stare Liam dead in the eyes. For a moment, I thought that some of what he was saying was completely true, but my anger clouded those thoughts and, before I knew it, I was announcing to the world the one thing I'd yet to tell anyone.

"I did not choose to be raped while passed out cold at a friends house on Halloween, Liam, just as I didn't choose to be forced into an abortion at the age of fifteen. So you can take your therapeutic license and go fuck yourself, because you know absolutely nothing."

I jumped off the railing and ran towards the vans, just wanting to get back to the school. I heard my name being called as I ran, but I ignored it. I ran as fast as I could, always running it seemed. My body yearned to be as far away from anyone as possible. How would people look at me now that they had found out what I did? I was a killer. I killed a tiny baby – a person with half my DNA. It was a part of me. I felt myself trip, and I fell to the ground a few feet away from the van. I just lay there – a sobbing mess. Edward was never going to speak to me again, hell, I didn't ever want to speak to me again. I felt myself retreating back inside myself like I had so many times before when dealing with the pain from that horrid day. This was the only time I truly craved drugs. Just one tiny pill of ecstasy could bring me euphoria for hours. I could forget about everything and everyone and just be _happy._ I cried for the death of my unborn child that I wasn't even given a choice of having, and for the mess that I had made of my life. I even cried for my mom. Because as much as I hated Liam right now, he was totally fucking right. If I hadn't argued with my dad about allowing me go out that Halloween night, even though I was grounded, I wouldn't have drank myself into oblivion. Which resulted in being violated in the worst of ways, and by someone I thought I could trust. That was my fault. Everything was my fucking fault.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder lightly and I suddenly realized I was lying, on the concrete. I quickly went to get up, not even looking at who was near me, and pushed their hand off of me. I started towards the van when their hand grabbed my wrist, effectively stopping me. I turned around to see none other than Bree-fucking-Tanner staring back at me.

"Bella, I think we should talk."

* * *

**So, what do we think? Lots to think about, no? **

***READ ME* I am setting an UPDATE SCHEDULE of every Wednesday. Things are moving right along now :)**

**So as I post this, we have 100 people following this story. *WAVES* I hope that every single one of you is enjoying it so far. Please, if this story was rec'd somewhere, let me know! **

**I sent out a teaser for everyone that reviewed the last chapter, and I am more than happy to do it again. So, for anyone that REVIEWS this chapter, you will receive a TEASER for chapter 8. Deal? :)**

**Please review and let me know what you think. It only helps me grow as a writer to hear the readers likes and dislikes.**

**I hope everyone has a great time seeing BD2 this weekend! Personally, I am SO excited :)**

**See ya next week!**

**Lola x**


	8. Sneaky

_**Hello lovelies!**_** I know, I know, how many people just KNEW I wouldn't post on Wednesday like I promised? *Insert ashamed smiley here* Honestly though, I do have a reason. My most lovely beta was in a terrible car accident and she currently is only able to use one of her arms. The other, is all bandaged up and in a sling. So PLEASE send good vibes her way for a quick recovery.**

**So, for the time being, my update schedule is up in the air. I promise to have a chapter out at least every 2 weeks. Is that ok? I sure hope so!**

**Also, I apologize for not sending out a tease to all that reviewed. I love each and every one of you and there may be a SHORT outtake in you're future. See more at the end of the chapter :)**

**This is a chapter that *I think* a lot of you have been waiting for. Let's get on with it, shall we?**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger**

**Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles *LOVE***

* * *

Bella POV

I stared blankly back at Bree. "Why would I want to talk to you?"

"Look, I'm not going to be a bitch, I swear."

I scoffed at her, "Do you mind letting go of my hand?"

She rolled her eyes and let go. We stared at each other for a moment as I waited for her to talk.

"I know we aren't the best of friends, but I happen to know what you're going through. I may have not been in exactly the same situation, but pretty damn close."

I narrowed my eyes. "Go on."

"I had an abortion not too long ago as well. I know our situation's are not alike, but I'm sure our thoughts are a lot alike. You feel like you killed something of your own – that you're this horrible person. Most of all, that you don't deserve to be alive when they weren't given a choice. But Bella, it's not your fault. Could you care for a baby right now? Look at you," She scoffed. "You're a filthy sobbing mess at a therapeutic boarding school for teens. No baby deserves to come into this world to a mother such as you."

I went to argue with her, interrupt, something, but she put her hand up to stop me.

"Don't even spout off some bullshit about adoption. Whatever child you create, deserves to have YOU as it's mother – no one else. You're not a bad person, and neither am I." And with that, she walked away.

I looked down at my trembling hands and tried to pull myself together. I took a few deep, calming breaths as I began to feel better. I looked up, and saw Liam coming towards me with the rest of our groups. Apparently, therapy was over.

"Are you alright?" Liam was standing directly in front of me.

"You were right. It _is_ all my fault," I whispered.

"It's not all your fault, Bella, but we really don't have time to discuss much more today. Is your therapist Angela?" I nodded. "I'll call her and let her know what happened. I'm sure she'll want to meet with you as soon as possible. Would you still consider coming out here for a session?" I nodded, again. "Great. Don't be so hard on yourself, Bella. I can tell you're a good kid. You just need to take control of your life is all."

He patted me on the back before walking back towards the arena. Everyone else had loaded up into the van already. When I climbed in, I saw that Edward and Fifi had saved me a seat in the very back. Edward scooted over so I wouldn't have to climb over him. I mumbled a 'thanks' and sat down, immediately looking out the window. I felt Edward take my hand, but I pulled away.

"You really don't want to touch my hand right now. It's disgusting." He took my hand back and held it firmly in his. I looked over at him and saw the sympathy in his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that, Edward."

"Look at you like what?"

I scoffed, "Like you pity me. There's no reason to – believe me." I looked away from him as I bit my lip, willing another round of my tears away.

I heard Edward sigh and he let go of my hand. I began to tremble as I thought that I'd pushed yet another person away, but then I felt him put something in my hand. I looked down as he gently closed my hand around a note.

"Read that as soon as you can and definitely destroy it."

My brow furrowed, "I thought…"

Edward looked at me with an amused expression. "You thought what? It's going to take a lot more than what happened back at the ranch to get rid of me, Miss. Swan."

After all the emotions of the last hour, I giggle-snorted, and snot came out my nose. I groaned, mortified, as I wiped my nose with my shirt and laid my forehead on my arms against the seat in front of me. "I'm a mess."

Edward barked a laugh. "You _are_ a bit of mess, yes, but you're my beautiful mess."

I peeked over at him as I raised an eyebrow. "Your mess?"

He shrugged, "If you want to be."

I studied him for a moment. Did this beautiful boy just ask me to be his girlfriend?

Edward looked away, embarrassed, and I realized I'd stared just a bit too long. I nudged his knee with mine, and he looked back at me; a look of insecurity masked his boyish face.

"I guess I can be your mess," I smiled.

A blush crept up his cheeks, and he gave me a timid smile back. "Cool."

I laughed at how shy he'd become before I looked back at the floor. My head was still resting against my arms on the seat in front of me.

We rode in silence the rest of the way back to the school. Edward would draw tiny circles on my side with his finger making me shiver, but I never asked him to stop. It was a good ending to a shitty morning, because let's be honest, equine therapy sucked ass.

When we got back to school, Edward and I said our goodbyes. As the girls walked back up to our dorms, Fifi gave me a little nudge. I looked down at her and she was smiling.

"So it sounds like Bella's got a boyfriend," she wiggled her eyebrows, which only made her look adorkable. You know, dorky and adorable.

I went to respond, but stopped.

_Holy shit. I have a boyfriend!_

"And all poor Edward got was a mess," I answered.

She shrugged. "I think he likes messes."

I snorted, without the snot this time. "Yeah I guess he does."

I said my goodbye to Fifi as we went our separate ways to our dorms. I climbed up the stairs to ivy tower and found Rose and Alice sitting on their beds chatting.

"Oh my god, Bella, you look disgusting!" An unusually chipper Alice pointed out.

"Thanks, you look fantastic yourself."

She frowned. "What's wrong with how I look?"

Rose rolled her eyes as she swatted Alice, "Nothing is wrong with how you look."

I laughed and began grabbing my toiletries out from under my bed so I could take a shower.

"You look like you've been rolling around in the mud, which is disgusting, I might add." Rose scrunched up her nose before asking, "Did Edward give you a note at equine therapy?" Rose asked.

I nodded. "I was planning on reading it before my shower. Did you guys get something too?"

"No, but Alice saw Jasper this morning and he said that they had a surprise for us, and that you would be the one with the info."

"Alright, well let me read it and take a shower. I'll be back." I headed down the stairs, and Rose yelled after me.

"Hurry the fuck up, and don't think we aren't going to talk about why you look like Pig-Pen from the Peanuts."

I hurried to the bathroom and dropped my stuff off at a shower. I started it so it would be nice and warm when I was done reading Edward's note.

Once in the stall, I pulled out the note and began to read,

"_I'm sorry in advance for the shortness of this note, but I promise to write a better one tomorrow._

_The boys and I have been busy the last week or so, and all of our hard work is finally going to pay off. Tonight, after lights out, your graveyard staff is going to go down to the guy's common room to watch movies and suck face with our graveyard staff. I guess the two of them have been dating for a few months, who knew?_

_At around eleven PM you and the girls should QUIETLY open the Ivy door that connects our two dorms. It'll be unlocked. Our room is really dark, so it'll be hard to see. Jasper and I's bunk is closest to the door, and Emmett is the bunk next to ours. Luckily, our other roommate went home about month ago, so it's just the three of us._

_I want you to know that I'm not expecting anything, but I know that the others will take advantage of the alone time and their beds. I'll just be thankful to cuddle with something other than my pillow. _

_Don't be scared. I promise this will work._

_DESTROY THIS!_

_Yours,_

_E_

I immediately flushed the note down the toilet and went to the shower. The girls were going to flip when they found out what the boys had planned. And then, it sunk in.

_I was going to be alone, in a bed, with Edward_.

Even though I was in the shower, a chill ran down my spine. I became lightheaded and immediately sat down, the water cascading over me. I pulled my knees up as I hugged myself tightly. I hadn't been in a bed with a boy in over a year. I snorted at that thought. Correction_, _I hadn't _willingly_ been in a bed with a boy in over a year. I thought back to that morning I had woken up in a bed at my friend Jessica's house, dressed only in my underwear and bra.

_My head was pounding as I looked around, confused. It took me a moment to realize I was in Jessica's spare bedroom at her parent's house. I groaned as I made my way to get out of the bed in search of some water and Advil. As I flung the covers off of me, I looked down, horrified. Why was I naked? I drank often, and heavily, but I had never woken up without my clothes. I trailed my hands down my body, slowly, as I surveyed each and every part of me. My breasts were tender, and as my hands went lower, I stopped them as they hovered over dark red bruises on my hip. The longer I looked at them, the longer the markings began to look like the imprint of someone's hands._

_Shakily, I lifted myself up and out of bed, but stopped short. There was a painful ache between my legs, and I knew that my state of dress was not of my doing. I ran to the bathroom, silently praying that I wouldn't find what I dreaded the most, but it was there. I cried as I stared at the small traces of blood on my underwear._

I had been a virgin. Jessica found me crying in the bathroom a short while after I'd gone in. She told me that she saw my boyfriend, Jamie, go in my room shortly after I told everyone that I was headed to bed. She felt horrible, not knowing that he'd do something like that. Jamie was pushy about us being together. He would tell me things, like we were the only ones not 'doing it' and that the other guys made fun of him. I didn't care though, I wasn't going to give away my virginity to just anyone. I didn't tell anyone other than Jessica what happened, and I swore her to secrecy. I broke up with Jamie, who didn't even care. He told me he was sick of dating a prude anyway. I tried my best to forget it ever happened, just ignore it all, but eight weeks later, I realized that I hadn't had my period in two months. Jessica helped me with a pregnancy test and held my hand as I cried after seeing the word 'pregnant' on all three digital pregnancy tests.

I sunk myself into a deep depression. I was angry at the whole world, but mostly Jamie. He told me to abort the baby – wanted nothing to do with it. I screamed at him, my mother, myself. I even tried to pretend I wasn't pregnant and went out with my friends one night – hoping to drink myself into oblivion – but when it came down to it, I couldn't convince myself to do it. Finally, I decided to pick myself up and prepare myself to be a mother. I was scared, but I finally felt like I had a purpose. God wanted me to be a mother. He wanted me to take an awful situation and turn it into something good. At least, that's what I told myself. I figured telling my choice to my parents first would be best, so that they could help me tell Jamie's family.

Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for my parent's reaction. My dad was furious, I didn't tell him that Jamie did this against my will, but I wished I would've. I had to endure the words – 'slut', 'whore', 'irresponsible' – you name it, I heard it. Charlie ordered my stepmom, Sue, to take me to have an abortion. I would be no daughter of his if I kept that baby, he said.

My mom flew in from Forks because I refused to go through it with Sue by my side.

The procedure took longer than expected because I was in pain and crying uncontrollably. Renee held my hand and cried with me as I endured the worst half hour of my life.

After it was all said and done, I went back to Forks with my mom. She took care of me the best she could, but my life was in shambles. The shitstorm that was in Phoenix followed me to Forks, and I became my own worst nightmare.

"Bella?"

I jumped as I heard Alice's voice. I quickly stood up and ran my face under the water to wash away the tears that had fallen.

"Bella?" Alice asked again. "Are you still in the shower?"

"Yeah, I'm just about done."

"Oh, okay, you've been in here awhile." I could tell she was standing right outside my shower now.

"I know, I'm sorry, I was just trying to gather my thoughts." I shut off the shower and my towel appeared through the curtain.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, "Not right now, but maybe later."

She nodded and helped me gather my stuff so we could head upstairs. I dressed quickly and we all climbed onto my bunk to chat.

"Tell us what the note said," Rose practically demanded.

"Geeze you're pushy." Rose rolled her eyes telling me to get on with it. "Okay, fine. Apparently, the boys have gotten the Ivy door unlocked. We are to sneak into their room at eleven tonight."

"Are you fucking serious?"

I nodded as I looked at Alice and her panicked expression.

"We can get in so much trouble! This isn't going to end well. I can feel it." Alice hugged herself, still looking a bit panicked.

"Oh shut up with your feely self. Did they say how we wouldn't be busted" Rose asked.

"Yeah, I guess the night staff will be down in the boy's common room watching movies," I shrugged.

Rose thought for a moment. "I knew Edward was close with their graveyard staff, but I didn't think he could pull something like this off. It's genius, really."

Alice scoffed at that. "It's idiotic is what it is. We're all going down."

Rose shrugged. "If this means I get to finally be alone with Emmett in a bed then I will gladly go down and without a fight."

Alice ignored her and gave me a slight nudge with her shoulder. "What about you and Edward? I mean, are you going to do anything with him? You guys aren't even dating," she frowned. "That's kind of rude of him to assume you would want to sneak into his bed."

I gave Alice a small smile. She was so quiet and kind. It was moments like these that I truly appreciated our blossoming friendship.

"Edward and I kind of made it official today."

Alice squealed and Rose smacked her arm, quieting her.

She turned to me and quirked an eyebrow, "Well that's interesting. Go on."

So I recounted the whole story starting at the very beginning. I included everything that happened at equine therapy. Neither girl really sad much, but I could see the different emotions cross their faces as I spoke. Rose mainly looked angry while Alice was quiet and compassionate. She didn't give me a look of sympathy, but one of understanding. I wasn't sure what the anger was about with Rose, and I didn't ask. Although I had been at the academy for over a month now, our friendship was a slow burn. I knew very little about either girl, but we were still close. We rarely spoke to any of the other girls, always sticking together. It was getting to the point where we couldn't hold back much longer about our sordid pasts.

The evening went quickly and without much fanfare. We ate dinner slowly, as we had opted to stay on campus for Saturday night activities. The staff planned to take most of the girls to a movie, but we weren't interested. I think we were all a bit nervous about what was to come after lights out.

We watched a movie in the commons room while we picked at junk. Only a few other girls stayed behind from the off-campus activity and it turned out to be a nice and quiet evening.

The three of us showered before bed, and put on fresh pajamas. Alice and I were cuddled in my bed, while Rose finished up brushing her teeth downstairs.

Alice scooted close to me and laid her head on my shoulder. "Are you nervous about being in a bed with Edward?"

I sighed. "I'm not really sure. I don't think so. Edward isn't Jamie, but then again, I never thought Jamie would do what he did. I trusted him regardless of how pushy he could be."

"Edward's a good guy. If he said he didn't expect anything, then I'm sure he meant it."

I nodded, "You're right."

"I'm still a virgin," she whispered. I didn't say anything, waiting to see if she would add to what she said. "I was so busy with school and dance that I didn't have time for a boyfriend. Not that I wanted one anyway. It was hard enough to hide an eating disorder from my parents, I couldn't imagine having to hide it from a guy."

I looked down at tiny Alice all cuddled into my side. Alice loved to cuddle.

"Were you ever actually overweight?"

She shook her head. "No. Having never been in private school for the Arts, you wouldn't understand. The smallest girls get the best parts. The skinnier you are, the lighter you are. Most girls are convinced that to be small made you a better dancer. Everyone watched what they ate, including the guys, but a lot of girls took it to the extreme."

"So, you were anorexic?"

She laughed. "No, I was bulimic. I liked food too much not to at least eat it."

"Oh."

Rose came upstairs, and rolled her eyes at Alice and I cuddled up in my bed, much as she did every night. She told us that Lauren was coming up to call lights-out. So Alice climbed up into her bunk, and we prepared to wait the hour before we snuck into the boy's dorm.

I actually dozed off at some point but was woken up by Alice climbing down from her bunk. Rose was already by the door.

"Bella, you snore." Rose said pointedly.

"No I don't!" I whisper yelled.

"Sorry, Bella, but you do." Alice added.

I rolled my eyes even though they couldn't see me. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Rose quietly turned the handle on the large keypad door lock. I'm sure we were all silently praying that an alarm wouldn't suddenly blare, effectively busting our asses. The door opened quietly, as we snuck into the boy's room – each of us going to our significant other's bed.

I got to Edward's bunk and shakily nudged his shoulder. "Edward?"

"Finally. Get in here." I could hear the smile in his voice as he tucked me into his side under the blankets. He was so warm.

"You smell nice and clean." He noted.

I snorted. "Yeah, I've taken three showers today."

"That's a bit excessive," he laughed quietly.

"Yeah, well, I felt gross after equine therapy."

We both became quiet, and I could hear noises that I never wanted to hear again coming from the other bunks. I giggled as I rolled into Edward, burying my face in the nook under his arm.

Edward pulled me impossibly closer as he whispered into my ear. "Ignore them. Just pretend it's you and me."

"I'm trying."

We were quiet again, and I couldn't help but fill the silence with mindless chatter.

"Are you upset that we aren't doing what they are?" The dark was making me bold, and I was genuinely curious. I didn't want to disappoint him.

"They've known each other a lot longer than you and I."

"Oh." Maybe Edward didn't want to have sex with me?

"Don't get me wrong, I would love to be doing what they're doing, but I don't expect anything from you, Bella. What we're doing now is more than enough. I'm happy in your arms."

I smiled at my sweet boy even though he couldn't see me through the dark. "I'm happy too."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

I didn't even have to think before I nodded and breathed out, "Yes."

I looked up at him, and with our faces mere inches away from each other; I was almost able to see him clearly in the dark. He gave me a small, sweet smile, before bringing his hand up to cup my face. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips touch mine. They were soft, a bit bigger than mine, but it was perfect. I lightly sucked his top lip and I felt his tongue glide along my bottom one, silently asking permission to enter. I gladly complied as I opened my mouth to his, and our mouths began to move in perfect tandem.

I surprised Edward by rolling over top of him, and his hands immediately moved to my hips. My hair was a curtain around our faces, effectively shutting out everyone else. It was just him and I, like Edward said before.

He broke the kiss for a moment as he brought one hand up to caress my cheek. I could see his eyes and the look of adoration was heartwarming. I was sure that he'd see the exact same look in my eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Bella."

I smiled as I leaned down to kiss him once more. "You're not so bad yourself, you know." I could feel him smirk as I spoke the words against his lips. I had a feeling that Edward would always be a bit cocky.

I leaned up, straddling him, as I raked my hands down his chest. I could feel something hard between us, but I chose to ignore it. I hoped one day I would become acquainted with that part of Edward, but today was not that day.

"Can I take off your shirt?" I fiddled with the hem, and he shivered.

"Yeah, um," his voice was husky as he sat up. I heard him give a little grunt as his erection was pushed even harder into my core.

"Sorry." I took off his shirt. He grabbed me, rolling us over.

"Don't be sorry." His hand snuck up to grasp my side as he hovered over me. "Can I? I mean, is touching okay?"

I nodded. "Touching is fine." His hand crept slowly up my ribs and his hand came to a timid stop as he reached my bra. I silently willed him to keep going. His hand snuck under my bra and he lightly squeezed before taking my nipple and lightly rolled it between his fingers. It caused a surge of pleasure to rush through me, and I arched up into Edward, causing him to stop.

"Bella, I'm trying to be good here." I could hear the pain in his voice.

"I know. I'm sorry, it just felt really good. Um, this may be the wrong time to be asking this, but have you ever been with anyone else? I mean, have you ever had sex?"

Edwards hand slipped out from underneath my bra, and I silently berated myself for ruining the moment, but Edward's hand didn't go far. He rested it on my side as he brought his head down to lightly kiss my neck.

"The truth? No, I've never been with anyone else. I always planned on losing it to some random person, you know, just get it out of the way, but that never happened. I'd considered it with Bree, but then you came along, and I'm glad it never happened."

I was quiet for a moment. "I've only ever had sex once and I don't even remember it. So, I guess neither of us knows what we're doing."

I could feel Edward's mischievous smile against my neck. "Oh, I know what I'm doing, Bella, you don't make it very hard to figure out."

I giggled as I pinched his side. "Oh I think I make it very hard, Edward."

He leaned down to kiss my lips again as he whispered, "You're right."

We spent a majority of the night that way, as we kissed and explored each other's bodies – above the belt. When I decided it was time for the girls and I to head back to our dorm, I instantly felt bad for Edward – he was going to have a major case of blue balls.

Rose and Alice had fallen asleep, entangled in their boy's, but we all silently made it back to our beds by four in the morning. We had about four-hours until we had to be up for the day. It was enough, I thought, to be able to function without being obvious. Lauren was observant, and if all three of us looked haggard the next morning, she would be curious.

I snuggled up with my blanket, tired, but it was welcomed. I've never been as comfortable with someone as I was with Edward. I became warm all over just at the thought of him. I knew then that I was finally on my way to happiness as I fell into a blissful sleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

**So how many of us would fall into a blissful sleep after a heavy make out sesh with Edward? *Raises hand***

**So, here is my ranty author's note: Their are over ONE HUNDRED of you following this story! You see that, right? ONE HUNDRED! Do you know how many of you actually review after each chapter? LIKE, FIVE! I love all of you to pieces, don't get me wrong, and it warms my very cold heart that anyone is actually reading this little fic, but hello? Something is wrong with these numbers. **

**So, what's the deal? Do we need an ice breaker? Yes? Okay, then...**

***Clears throat***

**Hi! I'm Lola, and I live in Texas. I am a closet Twihard and I am mildly obsessed with Rob AND Kristen. Yup, she's still a bad bitch in my book. I can only read about one angsty fic every few months because I'm girly and shit and get all the feels. Ironically, though, my fic is not fluff. I blame my evil ****pre reader and her angsty ways.**

**FIC REC'S!**

**I am prereading for the most AMAZING story that she has just started posting. Read summary below:**

**The Celestial Way by GossipLips**

**Summary: Shunned for their beliefs and forced to keep their lives a secret, Bella and Edward lean on each other and their unconventional family. -Forbidden love story.**

**Next, is an equally amazing story that is just beginning, and I'm totes in love with it.**

**The Gap by capitalab**

**Summary: Their first encounter is brief, minute, insignificant, forgettable. At least it should be. Edward and Bella live very different lives, but a chance encounter forces them to reexamine everything they thought they wanted.**

**SO! Now that we are friends, can you puh-lease drop me a review and let me know a little bit about you? Or what you think of the story? Or if you prefer vanilla or chocolate? *shrugs* JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING! :)**

***secret* I do have a very short outtake that may include our favorite boys and what they had to go through to get that door unlocked. I may even be willing to share it with you. *shrugs* how persuasive can you be? ;-)**

**Lola x**


	9. Sweet Surprises

**Hello! As you can see, the new title is in effect! I just love it :)**

**No announcements this time!**

**Preread by the lovely ladies BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger**

**This chapter will answer a lot of questions you all have about Edward... Get your tissues out!**

* * *

I sat on the bench in Angela's office as we chatted about parrots and their ability to speak. Odd, I know. I wasn't avoiding the topic of my breakdown at equine therapy per se; I just wasn't talking about it. I knew at some point she would bring it up, but right now I was content just to chill.

"So, Bella, your mom expressed interest to come visit you for your birthday. It's only a little over a month and a half away. Thoughts?" Angela asked.

I sighed. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that. "How does that work? A visit, I mean."

"Well, you would have to do a family therapy session first, but afterwards you would be allowed to go on an off-campus visit with her for the weekend. I think she mentioned something about renting a condo in Park City."

I thought for a moment. Family therapy was going to fucking blow, but a weekend away from this school would be nice. My mom and I do a pretty good job at ignoring our problems anyways. "Yeah, sure. Tell her that'd be cool."

Angela smiled, "Great."

I started twiddling my thumbs as I looked around the room. The only noise was the clock on the wall and the creak of Angela's chair as she leaned back. I took a chance and glanced at her. She was staring right at me as she chuckled.

"You know we have to talk about what happened in equine therapy, right?"

I groaned. "Technically, we don't _have_ to. We've done a pretty good job NOT talking about it so far"

She fully laughed now. "You're right, we have, but now it's time to talk about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. What would you like to know?"

"Well, I heard most of what happened from Liam, but I want to know how it felt to have finally faced what happened. Especially, since you spoke about it so publically."

"It felt good," I said shrugging.

Angela rolled her eyes at me. "You have to give me a little more than that, Bella."

I gasped playfully. "You just rolled your eyes at me!"

Then she narrowed her eyes at me. "Quit deflecting."

"Fine. It really does feel good to have spoken about it. Actually, it was Bree Tanner that came after me to see if I was okay. We talked. She told me I'm not a bad person because of what I did, and I'm starting to believe that."

Angela nodded. "She's right. Regardless of what you think of yourself, you did the right thing. You will be a great mother one day, Bella, but you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of someone else."

"I know that." And I did. I was proud of the fact I could talk about this now without crying. It was a relief.

"You're doing well here," Angela observed. "Most students take months to settle into their program, but you've dove right in. Do you know why that is?"

I shrugged, not knowing where she was going with this. "I've made good friends?"

"Is that a question or a statement?" She laughed.

I frowned. "Um, statement, I think."

"Who, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Rose and Alice mostly. I chat with Fifi – er, Zafrina, a bit too."

She nodded. "They are great girls. They've been here awhile. Sometimes, when girls come in, they befriend other girls that are new as well. It can be an explosive combination, but you've picked good people."

"I like my group of friends."

She smiled. "Any boys?"

"Is that a trick question? I thought we aren't supposed to be friends with the guys." I gave her a look of innocence.

She rolled her eyes, again. That was twice today! I was beginning to think I was rubbing off on Angela.

"We aren't dense enough to think you don't interact with the male students. Since you're friends with Rose and Alice, I assume that means Jasper and Emmett as well. They're good guys."

I nodded.

"Anyone else you'd like to tell me about?" She quirked an eyebrow, and it dawned on me that she was asking about someone in particular.

"Um, Edward Cullen?"

She nodded. "He's been here quite awhile. I'm not saying to stay away from him, by any means, but he's eighteen."

I was confused. "What's your point?"

"Although, he signed the contract on his eighteenth birthday saying that he is here on his own volition, he can leave at any time. He's also known as being a bit of a firecracker. I don't want you to get too attached that's all." She checked her watch before looking back at me.

"How am I going to get too attached to someone I'm not even supposed to even talk to?" I challenged.

"Really, Bella, we know about the relationships that go on here. As long as you stick to the rules set by the school, I don't mind."

"Right." I deadpanned.

Angela stood up, signaling that our session was over. As we walked out of her office, she turned to me, a serious look masking her usually friendly face.

"Just don't let me find out you've been doing things that you aren't supposed too. I'd hate to have to put standing order between you two."

I nodded. "Noted."

"Good. Let's get you back upstairs so you can get to class on time."

Angela led me to therapist door and unlocked it as she bid me farewell. Walking towards the girl's dorms, I saw the back of Edward as he was heading up the stairs.

"Planning to hide in someone's bed again, Cullen?" He stopped and turned around, smiling.

"I wish, but no. I was about to meet the guys in gym class for a game of basketball. You know, that big open space in the middle of the girls area is actually a basketball court," he smirked.

"Ha, Ha. I know what it's used for," I said as I walked closer to him.

"Do you? Because it seems all you girls use it for is to sit around and gossip."

I ignored his comment as I stepped up on the stair so I could look up at him. He was smiling down at me and I took a chance, and reached up to give him a soft kiss. My hands held onto his hips for balance, and I felt him shiver.

"There's something in my pocket for you," his voice was a husky whisper.

I laughed as I let go of him. "Not a chance in hell I'm falling for that one."

He looked confused before realizing what he had said. "Fuck, that's not what I meant. Hold on." He reached into his pocket pulling out a note. "I promised a longer one, so here it is."

I took the note out of his hand and stuffed it down my bra. I chuckled as Edward ran his hand over his face and groaned.

"I wish I was that note right now."

"I don't doubt that one bit. Now have fun with your basketball game and I'll try and have a note back to you by dinner. I'll hide it under the table."

I went to move past him, up the stairs, but he gently grabbed a hold of me, and pushed me up against the wall. He leaned in, quickly claiming my lips with his, and kissed me deeply. I moaned, snaking my hands around his neck. My fingers tugged lightly on the fine hairs. He gently pulled away as he rested his forehead against mine.

"Will I see you tonight?" he asked, his eyes searching. For what, I wasn't sure.

I nodded dumbly as I let my hand fall back to my side and he stepped away.

His crooked smirk was back. "Good."

I made quick work of grabbing my books and heading to class. As usual, I asked to go to the bathroom as soon I got in the classroom, so I could read Edward's note. It was becoming pretty handy that my therapy sessions tended to happen right before we started school for the evening.

I unfolded the note, and smiled at his messy handwriting.

_My beautiful girl,_

_How was the rest of your weekend? Mine was pretty good, but I missed you last night. Although, it's better than not getting to see you at all._

_I wanted to say thank you for the other night. You'd said that you don't even remember the only time that you've been with someone sexually, so I guess it's safe to assume that's linked to the same situation you spoke about at the stables? I don't mean to pry, but is it hard for you to be intimate after what happened to you? I hope that one day you'll tell me about it. I know it's probably hard to talk about, but I want to know these things about you. I won't hurt you, B, and I won't let anyone else hurt you either._

_You have this hold on me that I can't even begin to explain. E and J tell me that it's the same with their girls. Neither of them can explain it, and when I told them I was considering talking to Angela about it, they told me not to—that it could get us in trouble. I think of you often, too fucking often, honestly. It drives me insane barely being able to see or speak to you. Do you ever think what life would be like if we had met outside of this place? I do sometimes, but then I realize that who we were then isn't who we are now. I'm glad to have met you when I did, because you would have hated the person I used to be._

_What are your plans when you leave the academy? I don't think I've ever asked you that. I still plan on going to college, but I haven't decided where yet. I can't make a single decision it seems; that's why I'm still here. My parents constantly ask when I think I'll be ready to leave, but I can't answer. Angela is content to keep me here. I think she agrees that I shouldn't be allowed back out into the real world._

_I miss my parents, a lot actually. They're heartbroken by the fact that their only son is 'troubled', but they're very supportive. I've said before I thought you and my mom would get along. She's the nicest person I know—next to you, of course. I hope that one day, you'll get to meet her._

_Keep your head up, my beautiful girl, you're much stronger than you know. I'll see you tonight._

_Yours,_

_E_

I flushed the note and returned to my classroom with a huge smile on my face. Alice smirked as soon as she saw me sit down, obviously knowing what had me so happy.

"It's weird isn't it?" she whispered.

I looked at her confused. "What's weird?"

She looked at the teacher before scooting in a bit closer. "That feeling you have right now. The feeling of being so connected to someone you barely even know, but somehow it's just right. You look exactly how I did when I first met Jasper. Can you believe _he_ actually wrote _me_ a note first?" she shook her head smiling.

I wanted to smile, but I frowned instead. I'll admit I was becoming a bit skeptical.

"Don't you worry what will happen when either of you leave, or that we only feel drawn to them because we aren't supposed to be?"

Alice cocked her head to the side. "You think that the only reason you feel for Edward the way you do is because you aren't _supposed _to?" She glared at me before adding, "No, I don't believe that."

"So, what? This school just breeds soul mates like it's no big deal? I don't think so." I scoffed.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you and Edward soul mates?"

I stared at her, shocked. "No. I mean, I don't know. I barely know him, Alice!" I was whisper yelling now and she looked amused. I checked to make sure the teacher wasn't paying us any attention before I continued.

"Okay, I'll admit that I feel drawn to Edward. I feel like I've known him a hell of a lot longer than I really have. But am I attached because I'm stuck in this school, or because I'm really attracted to Edward?" I looked up at the ceiling feeling all sorts of confused.

Alice chuckled, "Sure, it's weird that Rose and I found Emmett and Jasper, but I know that my life will never not include Jasper. No matter what happens, we will always find a way to be together." She nodded her head, and I only hoped that to be true.

I couldn't imagine them without one another, but then again, we're all so very young. How the hell do you explain six teenagers falling in love at boarding school and remaining together? The odd's were against us, that's for damn sure.

Alice nudged me with her foot, and I looked back at her. "Don't focus so much on the 'what if's,' and try focusing on 'what is'."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "You sound like a therapist."

She shrugged. "I've spoken to a lot of them. Sometimes they're actually useful."

I laughed, and was quickly told by the teacher to quiet down, so we both returned back to our schoolwork. I tried my hardest to focus, but I found myself constantly thinking of what I wanted to say in my note back to Edward, so I finally decided to just write the damn thing.

_E~_

_My weekend was great! The girls and I just hung out on campus watching movies and working on some schoolwork. My advisor seems to think I could graduate a year early if I applied myself, and I really like the sound of that. I'd planned on going to a regular boarding school after I left here, but being completely done with high school sounds way better._

_I found out today that my mom is coming for a visit over my birthday. We're going to Park City, which I'm pretty excited about. I've never been there, have you? I'm starting to get excited about seeing my mom, but Park City with you and our friends would be much more fun. Oh well, something to dream about for after we're released from this jail._

_To answer your first question, I've completely avoided intimacy until I met you. I avoided guys all together, especially ones I didn't even know. After, you know, I was totally overwhelmed with the pregnancy and then… well I didn't cope very well after it was all over. When they let me out of the hospital, I moved in with my mom, and didn't really leave the house all summer. I didn't even like going to the grocery store with her. I read a lot, and I liked to draw. I told you she lived in a really small town in Washington, and it's gorgeous there. Maybe one day you'll get to see what it's like. I've thought about going to college near-by in Seattle, but who knows what I'll decide to do._

_For some reason that I can't even begin to understand, I trust you. It bothers me though, that I trust you, and yet I know barely anything about you. You know things about me I've never told anyone. Yet, every time we touch on something about you, you shutdown or give me some really vague answer. Why are you here, E? What happened back home, other than the drug use, that wound you up here? I promise you that whatever it is, I won't judge you. I want to know you. I want to understand why I think about you all the time when I barely know anything about you. It's frustrating for me, if you can't tell, and I just wish you'd talk to me. _

_As much as I don't want to, I better get back to my schoolwork. I'll see you tonight._

_Yours,_

_B_

_ XXXXXXXXXXXX_

I sat impatiently on my bed as Rose and Alice finished applying their make-up. I'd gotten ready much quicker than them.

"Could you two hurry the fuck up?" I hopped off my bed and went to look at the collage of ballet photos that Alice had hung up next to her dresser. I sighed and walked over to hover above Alice as she checked her lip gloss.

"Chill out, Bella, it's not like we're even allowed down in the atrium yet anyways."

I shrugged. "I'm sick of waiting, and I'll bitch about it if I want to." I looked down and noticed that the bottom half of Alice's mirror was missing. Like it had broken off or something.

"Alice, what happened to your mirror?" She looked at me through her mirror before closing it quickly.

"I don't know."

I looked over at Rose who only shrugged before putting her stuff up as well. We walked downstairs and sat in the middle of the basketball court. We all lay in a circle, with our heads together, staring at the ceiling. It was weird to think that the girl's dorms were housed in a renovated church. My thoughts rambled around the moralities involved in converting churches into dwellings. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if there was something morally wrong with renovating a church and turning it into a boarding school. Weren't churches supposed to be sacred?

I felt someone kick my foot. I opened my eyes and I saw Fifi standing over me.

"Are you excited for your first art club with Edward?" She asked.

I smiled as I got up. I looked over at Rose and Alice as they sat up too.

"She better be excited after how fucking annoying she's been today," Rose responded for me.

I chose to ignore her, because it was true—I was annoying today. I was excited because this was the first time we all got to hang out together, 'legally' that is. Plus, I hadn't seen Edward much since Monday night when we'd snuck over to the guy's room again. It was much of the same as the first time. Edward and I made out while the others covered all the bases before sliding into home and then falling asleep. I woke the girls up again around four AM, and we snuck back to our room for a few hours of sleep. I wasn't sure how much longer we were going to get away with sneaking into their room, but I tried not to think about what would happen if we were caught.

I smiled as we neared the table. All of our boy's were already there. Edward turned and looked up at me, my smile matching his own as I sat down.

"Hey," he said while leaning in to me. "There's a note under the table for you."

I looked around before quickly finding the note with my hand and tucking it away.

The six of us sat chatting with our significant other while we waited for the art supplies to be passed out. The project today was to draw a picture on a small canvas board with pastel. The picture could be of anything that we wanted. It was obvious that the staff members knew we didn't actually take these clubs seriously. Everyone knew we were just here to socialize, but they did expect us to actually produce something. I looked over at Edward, and he was already coloring on his canvas. I tried to take a peek, but he shooed me away.

"No peeking! You can see it when I'm done." I rolled my eyes and looked over to see what the others were drawing. In typical Emmett fashion, he was drawing a penis. "Hey, Emmett, don't you think that's a bit inappropriate?" I smirked.

He looked up at me in mock-confusion. "This is a picture of a torpedo. Why would it be inappropriate?"

Edward looked up and over at Emmett's drawing. "He's just fantasizing about what he doesn't have, but wished he did."

I groaned. "That's an image I didn't need."

I was surprised that Rose had no comment on the matter. She seemed to be really engrossed in her picture, and when I took a closer look at it, I could see why. Rose was an amazing abstract artist. She was mixing blobs of color with the pastel that almost looked like tie dye, but not quite. It was a mindfuck, really.

"So, Bella, did Edward tell you his good news?" Emmett asked.

Edward looked up from his drawing frowning, "Dude. What the fuck?"

"Just tell her. She's going to be happy. Personally, I'd kill for this opportunity."

Confused, I looked at Edward and waited for him to turn and meet my gaze. When he did, a look of shyness masked his handsome face.

"You know how you said that you were going to Park City for your birthday with your mom?" I nodded. "Well, in therapy yesterday while I was on my phone call with my mom, I asked if she'd come for a visit soon, and she said yes."

I smiled. "That's great! When is she coming?"

"The weekend of your birthday, and we're staying in Park City." His expression changed from shy to worried as he waited for my reaction. "We don't have to hang out or anything if you just want to hang with your mom, I don't mind I—

"Edward, is it even allowed?" The thought of getting to spend time with Edward outside the walls of this school was exhilarating, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that it would actually happen.

"Well Angela was there, and I'm sure she's put two and two together by now. If she's allowing it, then yeah, I think it's definitely allowed."

I thought about it for a moment. Angela definitely knew something was going on between Edward and I because she asked about him during therapy earlier this week. Maybe she really doesn't care? Although I was apprehensive, I couldn't help but be excited.

I smiled up at Edward and he rewarded me with a glowing one of his own. "So, you're okay with my mom and I crashing your birthday weekend?"

I nodded and smiled wider. "More than okay."

I wanted to kiss away the anxiety that was written all over his face, because he was worried I'd be upset with him. I wasn't upset at all. Edward and I were going to get to spend time together like normal couples got to. I couldn't be happier.

The rest of art club was fairly quiet as we all spent time focusing on each other, and I got the impression that Edward felt uncomfortable around other couples. What Emmett and Jasper had with their girlfriends was pretty intense. Bree hadn't been accepted by the others, so it wasn't as if Edward could fit in.

As art club finished, we began to say our goodbyes, and we walked slowly back to our dorms. Edward handed his picture to me, and I laughed as I saw two stick people holding hands on a snowy mountain. It looked as if a six-year-old had drawn it.

"Don't laugh! I'd planned on using it to tell you about going to Park City too, but Emmett ruined it."

I smiled. "It's perfect either way, and I really am glad you're coming."

A look of pain crossed his face and I frowned, wondering what I'd said.

"Listen, Bella, that note I just gave you answers a lot of questions that you've had. If you decided you don't want me to come on the trip after you read it, I'll understand."

I tried not to laugh at him, because I honestly didn't believe that there was anything that he could have done that would make me not want to talk to him anymore.

"Like I said before, as long as you're not some crazy murderer, I think we're good." He winced, but recovered quickly. I wondered what that was about and now, I was desperate to read his note. Luckily, we'd reached the bottom of the stairs to the girl's dorm, and it was time to say goodbye.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight." I gave him a small smile before turning and running up the stairs. It was awkward saying goodbye and I hated it. Rose and Alice tried to stop me as I ran past them to the bathroom, but I wasn't in the mood to chat. Edward's note was burning a hole through my pocket, and I had to know what was in it.

Once I was safely in a stall in the bathroom I took out the note and sat down, not caring.

_My beautiful girl,_

_You're right. I haven't been very open about my past while all you've done is be open and honest about yours. I'm scared that once you know what I've done, that you'll never want to talk to me again, but it's only fair that I take that risk. So, here it goes…_

_I told you that I had an addiction to coke, and that I got kicked off the baseball team. What I didn't tell you was what happened before all of that. I haven't always been an only child. My parents had a surprise pregnancy when I was ten and along came my baby sister, Elizabeth. She was gorgeous, and I loved her more than anything. My sister was funny and sweet and always said she wanted to be just like me when she grew up. In some twisted way, I'm glad she never got the chance to grow up because I'm not someone anybody should aspire to be. _

_It was on a Friday, when my mom texted me asking me to pick my sister up from school. I remembered seeing the text, but I don't think it ever registered in my head that I actually had to pick her up, you know? I got carried away with my friends at lunch, one of the guys from the team had stolen a bottle of vodka from his parents, and I never even made it back to school that day. The next thing I know, it's around five in the afternoon and my parents are calling non-stop. After about the fourth or fifth call, I answered, and heard the worst news ever. I listened as my mom hysterically tried to tell me that Lizzie had died._

_My parents put us both in expensive private schools in downtown Chicago. Mine was farther from home, but Lizzie's was close enough to walk to on a nice day. My mom would walk Lizzie to school in the morning, and be there waiting for her when she got out so they would walk back home together. When I hadn't shown up, Lizzie decided that she'd just walk home by herself. She was struck by a car as she was crossing the street, right in front of our house. The doctors said she died instantly, being so small, but that didn't matter to me. I killed Lizzie—not the car. It was all my fault. If I hadn't been irresponsible and skipped school to drink with my friends, I would've been there for her. She'd still be here, and I'll never be able to forgive myself because she's not._

_I was so numb, that I got caught up in the drugs because they made me feel again, if only for short periods of time. But the coke made me angry sometimes when I would come down, and I would fight guys on the team at practice, my behavior really erratic. My coach had enough of me after I caused a fight in the middle of a game, and he kicked me off the team. _

_After that, my parents sent me here, and you know the rest. I understand if you hate me, B, after hearing what I did to Lizzie, and I'll accept it. I hate myself more than you could ever hate me anyway._

_This note is already pretty long, so I'll just leave it at that. Hopefully I'll hear back from you soon._

_Yours,_

_E  
_

My hand trembling, I wiped the tears that had fallen. I contemplated keeping this one, but decided that it should be flushed. What happened to his sister was heartbreaking, and I couldn't imagine what life must be like for Edward—to constantly have his sister's death on his conscience. But it was in the past, and if I'd begun to learn anything while being at the academy, it would be that the past belonged exactly there—in the past.

It was time that Edward and I both started to focus on our futures.

* * *

**How is everyone? Still with me? Good, I hope so! **

**The consensus on Chocolate to Vanilla was pretty even. I love chocolate. LOVE. It's an obsession, really. Anyways, please leave me a review? Lots of reviews help me update faster! **

**And guess whose up next? Yup, EPOV :)**

**Love you all!**

**LCx**


	10. Park City, I Love You

**Hello! I'm sorry it's taken forever for this update. Life has been insane for me, but things have slowed down considerably. Luckily, I now have a lot more time to write now. Hurray! Because...good news time...**

**I've already written Chapter 11 and it's with the beta. I've even started on Chapter 12! Remember that once a week posting schedule I promised way back when? Hold me to that now, please :)**

**I was recc'd by the lovely One of Eddie's Girls. You should go check out her stories! **

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger and ****Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89. All the love in the world to you all!**

**See you on the other side :)**

Song: Crave you by Flight Facilities (Adventure Club Dubstep Remix)

* * *

Chapter 10 BPOV

"Edward?" I whispered, as I quietly slipped underneath his blanket. He was so warm and seemed very asleep. I snuggled into the nook under his arm, and he sighed as he curled into me, hugging me tight. I felt him lightly kiss the top of my head – which made me wonder if he was actually awake.

"I've missed you," he said, as he nuzzled my neck. His warm breath sent chills down my spine.

I looked up at him and lightly kissed his lips. "I've missed you, too." He intensified the kiss, making my body melt.

The last month with Edward had been really great. After he'd finally opened up to me about the death of his sister, I'd tried to do everything in my power to help him realize it wasn't his fault. I don't know if I'd made much of an improvement — his guilt was something I didn't think he would ever fully let go of. On a positive note, our relationship had progressed because of his willingness to open up about what's happened to him. I'd developed a deep-rooted need to protect Edward from himself. It's fierce, all-consuming, and a bit alarming. I'd traded in one addiction, for another. I craved Edward. His touch, his voice, his words. He had a power over me that only he could ever have. I knew that I'd fallen irrevocably in love with him, but the words had yet to be said.

"Are you ready for our trip this weekend?" Edward asked.

I answered with a kiss as my hand snaked up underneath his shirt. I felt him shiver at my touch and it made me smile. I liked knowing I had this effect on him — the same effect he had on me. I knew that if given the chance, our relationship would progress sexually while we were in Park City. I wanted, more than anything, to have sex with Edward. But, at what cost? As much as I trusted Edward, there was this fear inside of him leaving me. I'd invested so much emotionally — more than I ever had and it would literally kill me. Reality said that at some point Edward and I would be separated. Outside of the academy, we lived at opposite ends of the country. We led different lives. Edward swore he'd follow me — but would he? It wasn't a guarantee. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

My hands continued to wander as I traced the lines of his back. It was my most favorite part of his body, by far. I hooked my leg over his hip and I nibbled his ear. My hand lightly rubbed over his pants, and I could feel him as he grew hard. He groaned as he slowly pulled away and put distance between us.

I knew that move alone drove him crazy. I also knew it was a bit mean of me to do. I'd never let Edward venture anywhere below the belt, but I'd gone below his. Admittedly, I'd asked Rose and Alice how to give a hand job. It was an interesting conversation to say the least, but I'd wanted to please Edward in a way that I felt comfortable. I felt powerful when I held his pleasure in my hands — literally. It was a rush to watch him come undone. I wanted, so badly, for him to ask permission to touch me, but he hadn't. He was letting me take the lead, for which I was grateful, but I was also ready to share some of the power.

I pushed my hips into his as my leg tightened its hold around him. I nibbled on his ear again, and lightly sucked before biting. I was purposely trying to push him over the edge I knew he would never cross unless I told him too.

He groaned. "Bella, what are you doing?"

I moved my head to rest on the pillow next to his. "Um…" I cleared my throat, my voice raspy. "I want to try something."

I moved my hand to where his was resting on my hip. I interlocked our fingers and brought them up so I could kiss his hand.

"Bella…" his voice questioning.

"Shh…please. Just, let me do this, okay?" I felt him nod.

I took a deep breath, and slowly moved our joined hands lower. I knew Edward could feel my hand trembling, but he ignored it. I unlocked our fingers as I guided his hand underneath the nightgown I'd purposely worn. I firmly laid his hand between my legs, so that he was cupping my sex. I heard him inhale deeply — his exhale making me shiver.

"Are you sure?" His voice was husky and laced with want.

"Yes," I whispered. He began to lightly rub me through my panties. I moaned, arching my back, which only pushed me closer to him.

"I want to hear you say it, Bella. I won't do it unless you tell me too." His hand moved to the inside of my leg, where he lightly traced circles. My core immediately missed the attention.

"I want you to touch me," I said it so quietly, I wasn't sure he'd heard me.

After a moment, Edward lightly grabbed my hips as he moved us so that he was hovering over me. I rested my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him towards me, our lips meeting. I lost myself in the kiss. Our lips molded perfectly to one another as our tongues danced a now familiar dance. His hand grazed over my pussy before he allowed himself to pull my panties down, and I wiggled free. I wasn't trembling as badly as before but it was still there. I needed to do this. _ We _needed to do this.

_Edward wasn't Jamie._

His fingers lightly traced my folds, and each time he came in contact with my clit, I would moan. He quickly caught on, as he applied pressure and circled the bundle of nerves. The pleasure became too much, too fast, and I pushed his hand away. My breathing was labored as I tried to calm down. The idea crept in that maybe I wasn't ready, but I dismissed it. Everything was fine.

I gave Edward a reassuring kiss as I placed his hand near my entrance. I wanted to feel him inside of me. He complied, and I felt one finger slide into me with ease. My mind wandered, wondering if I should be embarrassed by the wetness, but I was quickly brought back to the present as he began to move in and out of me. I moaned, the feeling was intense, but not as pleasing as before. Edward must have noticed, because I felt his thumb press firmly against my clit as he began to rub circles, his finger still slowly pumping in and out of me. My toes curled at the sensation, and I felt the intensity of the pleasure return.

My nails were digging into Edward's back as my body wound up into a coil that was ready to spring at any moment. His hand worked quicker, and I focused on his hand pumping in and out as the built-up of ecstasy ripped through me. I may have bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out, I wasn't sure, but Edward kept going. Wave after wave of pleasure hit me, and I teetered on the edge of it being too much, and just enough.

Edward's hand stilled. I took a deep breath and shivered, which caused me to giggle. his mouth found mine, and I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away. I frowned, wondering what was the matter.

Edward's other hand touched my face. When it did, I felt the moisture he must of felt when we kissed. "Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?" Edward sounded horrified.

I held back a laugh. I had no idea why I was crying, or even that I was crying. "Calm down, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He sounded worried. "I knew it was too soon; fucking knew it." He went to move away from me, but I stopped him.

"Edward, I'm fine." I brought my face close to his so he could see that I was serious.

He cupped my cheek. "I just don't want you to be upset."

I giggled. "I promise, I'm far from upset."

He gave me a loud, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "Good."

"That was gross," I said as I wiped my cheek.

He chuckled. "You know you like it."

He was right – I did.

"I should probably get the other girls up. I don't want to be exhausted tomorrow."

Edward sighed. "Just stay with me for five more minutes."

I smiled as I snuggled in closer to him. "Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I woke up the next morning praying to God that my mom had brought me coffee for our early morning therapy session. The girls and I crawled back to our dorm around six AM, and I was exhausted.

_Five minutes my ass. _

I loved sneaking over to Edward's dorm, but I was always dead tired the next day. I quickly got out of bed and nudged Rose and Alice awake as well. We couldn't be so obviously tired or Lauren would think something was up.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauties," I sang as I made my way down to the showers. I could make out the sound of Rose telling me to fuck off, and I smiled. She would be in a horrible mood today and I didn't have to deal with it. I loved her to death, but her attitude made me want to bang my head against a wall on more than one occasion.

After I showered and got dressed, I made my way down to the girl's common area to wait for Angela to come get me. My mom was supposed to be here at ten AM, and we were to do quick family therapy session before I was allowed to leave. Angela assured me we wouldn't get into anything too heavy, as to not ruin the trip before it even began.

Edward's mom was supposed to arrive at eleven, and they were having a therapy session as well before heading out to Park City. The drive was about an hour, so my mom and I would arrive in Park city just as Edward was leaving the academy. Having never been there, I had no idea what to expect, but I was definitely hoping that we were all staying in the same hotel.

"Bella?"

I looked up and saw Angela's head poking into the common room.

"Your mom's here. Come on." Her head disappeared and I took it as my cue to get up and follow her. She'd already beaten me down the stairs and was waiting by the therapist door.

"Are you ready?"she asked.

"Yeah. I'm all good," I shrugged.

"Great."

She opened the door, and I followed her to her office. My mom was sitting on the small bench but stood to give me a hug when she saw me enter.

"I've missed you," she said as she hugged me tight.

"I've missed you too, mom." I didn't even have to see her face to know that she was crying. "Mom, please stop crying," I said softly. I pulled away from her as she reluctantly let go.

"I'm sorry; I know how much you hate it when I cry." She returned to her spot on the bench, and I sat down next to her.

"Why don't we go ahead and begin. First off, Renee, I'm pleased to say that Bella is doing very well here at the Academy. She is excelling in school and in therapy."

My mom looked at me, practically beaming with left over tears in her eyes.

"Bella, your mom mentioned that you hate it when she cries. Given what we've talked about in previous sessions, can you give your mom some help as to why you dislike it so much?" Angela smiled encouragingly, but I'd be lying if I didn't give a glare in her direction before answering.

"You'll be happy to know, mom, that I'm now a seasoned crier. Although, not as seasoned as you — sorry, it's true — Angela has coaxed a tear out a time or two. I feel that crying is a sign of weakness, you know? In the past, you've been a weak person, mom. I'm aware that dad kind of fucked shit up for you by cheating and never being around — always "working." But, I feel like you could've chosen to rise above all of that." I chanced a glance at my mom and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't look mad by what I was saying, so I continued.

"It may seem unfair of me to judge how you coped with the shitty situation we were all in, but I don't think it's unfair at all. I'm the one that had to live with a mother who couldn't even get out of bed some days, or would yell at me for no reason other than because you could. Let's not forget about the times you "went away," which I later found out you were in mental institutions for attempted suicide. Can you imagine how that felt for me?" The tears were falling down my face now as I looked away from my trembling mom and over at Angela, my eyes silently pleading for her to intervene. Instead, she mouthed "keep going," and gave me a reassuring smile. Angela and I'd talked at great length about what I was hoping to say to my mom. It just sucked finally having to say it.

I looked back at my mom who was doing everything to keep herself from falling apart.

"It sucked mom. It really fucking sucked to find out your mom didn't want to be your mom anymore, not once, but three different times. I tried so hard to be nothing like you, and all it caused was me to become more like you than I ever thought imaginable."

Angela handed us both tissues. "So, Renee, do you have anything to say to Bella?" Angela asked kindly, signaling that I'd said enough.

"I understand everything that she's saying, and I agree wholeheartedly. I wasn't strong enough for you then, but I'm trying my best to be strong enough for you now. I hope that you can see that," She sniffled.

"I do see that, mom. You're a completely different person without dad around." It was such a relief to finally talk about these things that had caused me pain for so long.

"I'm sorry for everything you had to go through as a child. It was never my intent to hurt you, I promise. It means the world to me that you can see how much I've tried to change since leaving Phoenix."

I leaned into my mom, lightly bumping her shoulder with mine as I gave a sly smile. "We all make mistakes." She gave a very unladylike snort and I even heard Angela chuckle.

"That we do, Bella. I'm impressed with you two. I thought that talk would take ages!" Angela grinned.

"Oh, you know, I'm all about being straightforward and to the point while I'm in therapy."

I gave Angela a mischievous smirk, which she rewarded me with by rolling her eyes. We both know I'm anything but.

My mom grabbed my hand and lightly squeezed. "I'm so glad to see you're doing well here, Bella." I smiled back at her. Although, things weren't completely okay between us, I felt like they would be soon. My mom really stepped up as a mom when I moved to Forks before the academy. Even though it didn't erase years of hurt, it made moving on much easier.

"Well, I don't want to keep you two any longer. Have a great time together this weekend. We'll see you back for check-in nine AM Monday morning." Angela stood, and led us out of her office. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Edward sitting on the couch in the office. Next to him was a well put together middle-aged woman. She had the same bronze colored hair as Edward, maybe a tad bit lighter, but her eyes were the exact same piercing emerald-green as her son's. She was stunning as she smiled up at me when I came to stand in front of them.

Edward stood. "Hey, did you guys just finish therapy?" I nodded, glancing over at his mom. He turned to his mom and smiled as he offered his hand for her stand. "Mom, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Esme."

Esme stood over me, a curious glint in her eye. "It's very nice to finally meet you, Bella. I've heard a lot about you. All Edward talks about in his letters home is you." I blushed and glanced at Edward who only groaned.

"Mom…" He whined.

I heard my mom clear her throat, and I jumped, forgetting she was even there. "Sorry, mom. Edward, this is my mom Renee. Mom, this is Edward and his mom, Esme."

"It's nice to meet you both." My mom glanced down at me, obviously curious as to who these people were.

There was an awkward silence before Edward broke it.

"Here's my moms cell phone number and the name of our hotel." He handed me a folded up piece of paper. I unfolded it to look at which hotel they were staying in.

"Mom, which hotel are we staying at?" I asked.

"The Sky Lodge, it's right on Main Street. I thought it would be the perfect location for all the shopping and restaurants."

Esme chuckled. "That's exactly why I picked the same hotel. We've stayed there before with Edward, it's a lovely."

Edward and I shared a smile before Angela called Edward and his mom back for therapy. We said our goodbyes. I'd wished I could hug Edward, but knew it was best not to flaunt our relationship in front of Angela. Surprisingly enough, she hadn't said a word about Edward and I being in Park City at the same time. She wasn't dense enough to think it wasn't planned, or that we weren't going to see each other while we were there, but I'd found it bit odd. I figured "the talk" would have happened, but nope, nothing. As with anything concerning us, I decided to let it be.

Renee and I stopped to grab bagels and coffee, before getting on the road. The drive to Park City was beautiful this time of year.

"So, Bella, who's Edward, and why didn't I know his mother and him were joining us in Park City this weekend?" My mom glanced over at me curiously before looking back at the road.

"I'm sorry, I didn't really know how to tell you. Actually, Edward surprised me with it. His mom wanted to come and visit him and he knew you were going for my birthday, so he asked her to come the same weekend." I chewed on my lip, worried she would be upset. "I guess it's a little late now to ask if you mind that they're coming…"

"It's a little late, yes, but I don't mind. As long as I get some alone time with you." She gave me a warm smile.

"Of course." I smiled back.

"So, tell me about Edward. Is he just a friend or…"

I sighed, a goofy grin spreading over my face. "He's my boyfriend. Well, as much as a boyfriend as you can have at the academy. In the real world, we'd probably still be considered in the friend stage." I had to hold back a laugh. I figured it'd be best not to tell her I snuck over to his dorm at night so we could make out.

"Where's he from? Has he been at the academy long?" she questioned.

"He's from Chicago, and he's been there about a year." I glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction. I saw the worry in her eyes.

"Chicago's… far, and a year? That's quite awhile. Will he be leaving soon?"

"Not any time soon." I looked out the window as I tried to believe my own words.

My mom's phone buzzed in the cup holder, and I hoped it was Edward. I'd texted him from her phone so that he'd have her number.

"I think this is for you." She handed me the phone and I smiled.

**Just getting on the road. Where r u? –E**

"Mom, how much longer until we're there?" I watched as she fiddled with the GPS.

"About ten minutes."

**10 mins. How was therapy? – B**

His reply was instantaneous.

**Brutal. We'll talk about it later? I can't wait to c u :) – E**

**I can't wait to see you either :) – B**

I smiled. I'd hoped that whatever happened in therapy wouldn't put a damper on our weekend, but he seemed okay.

We pulled off the highway and drove towards a small town tucked in close to the mountains. The GPS navigated us through winding roads dotted with houses, a school, and different stores. When we turned onto the historic main street, I gasped. The road was narrow, and steep. The shops to the left looked as if they were built right into the mountain. As we drove down to the street, I noticed the different clothing boutiques, galleries, and restaurants. It was perfect.

"We're here!" Renee pulled into a parking lot right off main street and I looked at up at the hotel. It had a wilderness feel with its log construction, but the steel supports and large windows made it feel more modern. It's quirky style fit in with the rest of the town.

After we checked in, I texted Edward to invite him and his mom to a late lunch. They said yes, and that they were only twenty minutes from the hotel.

I decided to take a quick shower and put some regular clothes on that Renee had brought me from home. It felt nice not having to wear the academy uniform. My black skinny jeans went just fine with the checkered vans I was wearing, and I threw on a clean white t-shirt. When I looked in the mirror, I was intrigued by what I saw. I looked like the old me, but the girl that stared back at me was entirely different from the person that wore these clothes two months ago. Gone were the dark shadows under my eyes and the hard lines of my cheek bones. My face was fuller, but not overly so. I looked healthy. I smiled.

I looked _happy._

There was a knock on the door, and I quickly ran to open it. I looked through the peep-hole and saw Edward standing there with his hands in his pockets. I threw open the door and jumped on him, catching him by surprise.

"Hello to you, too." He laughed as he caught me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and brought my hands up to cup his face. We stared at each other a moment, our smiles mirrored one another's, before I gave him a loud, wet kiss.

"That's payback," I smirked.

"It's only payback if I don't enjoy it," he exclaimed as he began to tickle me. I squealed and begged him to put me down. After a moment, he finally obliged.

"Where's your mom?"

"She's in the room. Yours?"

"Taking a shower. She should be done soon, though."

I snuggled into Edward, and suddenly noticed he was still wearing his academy uniform of khaki's, but he'd discarded his oxford and was just wearing his white under shirt.

"Didn't you want to change?"

"I'll change later. Finding you was more important."

He bent his head down and lightly bit my nose before he kissed me softly. It was perfectly sweet and made my knees weak in a way that only Edward would ever be able to accomplish. After the kiss ended, I thought about Edward's text from earlier.

"Is everything alright? You said therapy didn't go very well." I saw him flinch as I looked up at his pained expression. I brought my hand up to lightly rub where his brow had furrowed.

"Everything's fine. Can we talk about it after lunch?" He took my hand and kissed it.

I nodded, dropping it for now. It bothered me that Edward was hiding something from me, but I knew how he was. He liked to tell me things on his own time and in his own way. It's just how he was.

Lunch with our moms was great for the most part. I could tell there was tension between Esme and Edward, and I think my mom could to. She could distract anyone with stories of the different hobbies she had tried over the years. What she didn't share was that the hobbies were to distract her from her own overwhelming depression. Renee was the master at pretending things were okay when they really weren't. Too bad it really only worked for other's and not for herself.

We sat in the hotel restaurant listening to my mom tell a story of when she actually tried underwater basket weaving, but the only one really paying attention was Esme. I looked over at Edward for what felt like the billionth time, and instead of staring off into space, he was looking at me. He gestured towards the exit with his eyes, and I nodded.

I cleared my throat, effectively catching my mom's attention. She looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry to interrupt, but could Edward and I go for a walk? We'll stay in the hotel." I figured the more polite I was, the better the chance that they would say yes.

"I don't see why not, but it's up to Esme whether Edward can or not." Renee looked at Esme as she waited for her response.

Esme's expression was sad as she looked at Edward, who refused to meet her gaze. She sighed. "I suppose it's fine. Take my phone so we can get ahold of you later." She handed the phone towards Edward, but he'd gotten up and went straight for the exit. I gave her a small smile as I took it and quickly caught up with him.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. He took my hand, silently telling me to follow him.

We wound through the hotel, taking the stairs up two floors from the restaurant. Edward opened the door for me, and we came out on top a rooftop terrace. There were small couches with comfortable looking pillows, surrounding fire pits that had yet to be lit. It was a cozy atmosphere. I imagined it would've been beautiful at night.

Edward led me to the far side of the terrace, and leaned up against the railing that overlooked Main Street. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarette's and a lighter. I was shocked.

"Edward, where did you get those?" He lit his cigarette, taking a drag before answering.

"I bought them at the convenient store on the corner. I asked my mom for some cash to get something to drink, but I got these instead." He took another drag, visibly relaxing. "Do you want one?" He offered the pack, and I shook my head no.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly.

"I'm stressed, Bella. I'm trying so hard to be good, but there's a war going on in my mind, you know?" He pointed at his temple as he took another drag.

"What happened in therapy that's causing you to act like this?" I looked up at him and tried to see into his eyes, but the sun was too bright.

He noticed, switching me spots so that he was facing the sun. We stood for a moment as Edward contemplated his words. I moved my hand to lightly caress his hip, hoping that it would ease his anxiety and encourage him to talk to me.

"My mom wants me to come home, Bella. My parents think that I've been away long enough, but they don't get it. I can't go back to Chicago. Not now, not ever." I stilled his shaking hand with mine as I tossed his words around in my mind. I had a solution, but was it the right one? Was it even possible? I'd no idea.

"What if you looked into schools in Seattle?" I asked quietly.

Edward chuckled darkly. "Then what? I go to Seattle for a year by myself with no family, and without you? You just started your program, Bella. My parents are talking about pulling me from the academy next month."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I willed his words away. At this point, life without Edward wasn't an option. We hadn't said the words, but I was sure I loved him. He'd become a constant in my life, more so than my own parents, but I wasn't ready to leave the academy. I wasn't ready for our little bubble to burst, allowing the outside world to come rushing in.

"I need time." I whispered as I opened my eyes — a stray tear falling down my cheek.

A pained look crossed Edward's face as he wiped the tear away. "I don't have time, Bella. Once my mom met you, I think she realized it was about more than just going home, but she said it's time for me to move on."

I flinched at his words. "Maybe, your mom is right. You're so strong, Edward. You're a completely different person now." He looked horrified as he backed away from me.

"Why are you agreeing with them? Don't you know what this means? It means we'll be fucking separated." I took a step forward and grasped his trembling hand.

"Angela says I'm progressing quickly through my program. I won't be there a year, I know that, but I'm not ready to leave now. We knew at some point this would happen — us being separated. We tried to ignore it, but we can't anymore. This is now reality, Edward." A look of hurt crossed his face as he tried to pull his hand from mine, but I held firm.

"Don't you care about me?" He whispered.

I'd never seen Edward so insecure, so broken. At the academy, it was always him holding me together, helping me sort through my issues. Lately, though, Edward's finely laid house of cards was starting to crumble.

I brought him to me as I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him. "I care about you more than you will ever know. I… I love you." I paused for a moment, as I made sense of the word vomit that had just come out of my mouth. I knew the words to be true, but it wasn't exactly when or how I'd wanted to say them. Edward brought me back to reality as he rubbed the furrow between my brows.

"Are you sure about that?" There was a smirk playing at his mouth, but his eyes told me he meant it.

"Did you seriously just respond to that with, "Are you sure about that?" Of course I'm fucking sure about it." I tried to pull away from our embrace, but he held me tighter.

Edward tilted my head towards his so that he could lightly kiss my lips. "I love you too, Bella. More than you'll ever know. That's why I can't go back to Chicago."

I sighed as I cupped Edward's cheek and looked directly into his eyes. "You're so incredibly strong. I wish you believed in yourself as I do. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, I know it."

Edward searched my eyes for the uncertainty that lay there, but I did my best to hide it. He finally kissed me, putting everything he had into that one kiss. It was a kiss about love and determination — devotion and fear. I had absolutely no clue whether things would work out in our favor, but I had hope. I wanted to be with Edward so badly that I was sure it was enough to fuel my determination into making our future together a reality.

Every problem needs a solution, and every solution begins with a plan. Mine was simple and definitely not well thought out, but it was worth a shot.

I had two days to talk Esme Cullen into believing her son wasn't ready to leave the Academy of New Beginning's just yet.

* * *

***pokes head out from behind bulletproof wall* I'm sorry this wasn't the EPOV I promised. I started to write it and then... it just didn't feel right, you know? The next chapter isn't EPOV either, but he'll but up shortly. I promise. This is Bella's story... I hope you can understand that. *shrugs***

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter. If you hated it, tell me why. If you loved it, PLEASE tell me why. It only helps me grow as a writer. I try to respond to each and every one of your reviews and let you know how much they mean to me. Thanks again for reading!**

**I'll see you this time next week, promise! ;-)**

**LCx**


	11. Cowboy Take Me Away

**HOWDY YA'LL! I hope you're as proud as I am to see this update a week later, as promised.**

**i've had a couple people ask about Edward's virginity status, due to conflicting information that he gave in Chapter 6 to the guys, and what he told Bella. This will be addressed in Chapter 12, okay? :)**

**I tinkered with this chapter a bit before posting, so all mistakes are my own. Nuttyginger works her ass off to beta these chapters, and I try not to mess with them too much, but this time it couldn't be helped.**

**Beta'd by Nuttyginger**

**Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89**

**Oh, and... Lemony goodness ahead :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Bella POV

I awoke the next morning, earlier than usual. Despite the fact I'd only slept two hours the night before, I didn't sleep well last night either. I tossed around ideas on how to approach Esme about allowing Edward to stay at the academy. I figured if I couldn't convince her that Edward needed more time to work on himself, then I could explain to her how much I needed Edward for my own treatment plan.

Was it healthy? No, probably not. I was well aware of the fact that Edward and I's relationship was becoming codependent, as I'm sure Angela would say. I didn't necessarily see it as a bad thing, because we found each other when we needed one another the most. Edward had come on in leaps and bounds when it came to dealing with his guilt over losing his sister. I wasn't naïve enough to think that he wouldn't harbor some sort of guilt for the rest of his life, but from what he'd said, he'd begun to transform back into who he'd been before Lizzie's death. Edward said that it's because he met me. Although, I can't convince myself to take all the credit, I could agree – at least a little bit. I know that Edward made me want to be a better person. I think of not only our future together, but what may lie ahead for me as a person. Before I met him, I didn't plan a damn thing, and I think that's because I'd lost hope. With Edward, my hope had been restored.

I knew that Edward was terrified that we'd be separated, and I'd be lying if I wasn't terrified as well. Because the scariest part about distance, was that you didn't know whether they'd miss you or forget you.

_I knew this to be true._

I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind as I got ready for our outing. We were to meet Edward and Esme to do a bit of shopping. My mom had already made a big deal about my birthday. She'd had room service sent up, and there'd been a lit candle in my French toast. Renee may not have been the best mother growing up, but she was trying her best to change now.

As we left our room to head to the elevator, it dawned on me. I had yet to hear from Charlie, today.

"Hey, mom, can I use your phone to call Dad?" I asked.

"Of course."

I waited as she dug through her giant bag that she actually called a purse. After she handed it over, I dialed Charlie.

_Ring…_

_Ring…._

_Ring….._

"_You've reached the voice mailbox of— "_

I ended the call. I loathed voicemails so refused to leave them.

I handed the phone back to Renee, and she gave me a sad smile. "No answer?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, sweetie. Have you and Angela been able to get ahold of him at all the last few weeks?" I shook my head again.

I stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button. I wasn't stupid enough to think that Charlie was so busy he couldn't find time in the last two months to sit down for one fucking therapy session over the phone. He was avoiding me, obviously. I just didn't understand why.

Sure, I was a pain in his ass the last few years, but I was never under the impression that Charlie was angry enough to just stop talking to me. Although, I feel like I barely even know him anymore. He'd become detached and cold, always working. I blamed my shiny new stepmom, but he'd be the first to disagree.

The elevator doors opened, and we made our way to the front of the hotel. Morose thoughts were forgotten as I saw Edward standing there with a gorgeous bouquet of red roses. I knew they were cliché and supposed to mean 'I'm sorry,' but they're my favorite.

Once I reached Edward, he enveloped me in a hug.

"Happy birthday, Bella," he whispered in my ear.

I let go and stood back as I looked up at him – his goofy grin matched my own. We both heard a throat clear and effectively tore us from our little world. Edward looked confused for a moment before he looked down and saw the roses still in his hand.

"Oh, shit. Uh, these are for you."

He blushed as he thrust them at me. I saw Esme barely contain her smile as she watched Edward struggle.

"They're beautiful, thank you." I smelled the flowers as Edward studied my face for any trace of sarcasm.

"Are you sure? My mom wanted me to get wild flowers, but I thought these looked more like you." His blush from before deepened.

I bit my lip as I kept myself from jumping him. I didn't think our mother's would like that very much.

"Yes, I'm sure. Red roses are my favorite, actually."

I decided to run my roses back up to the room so I didn't have to carry them around shopping all day. When I returned, I held Edward's hand as he guided us through the streets, in and out of different shops. My favorite, by far, were the art galleries we wandered into. Most of the art was of western theme—sculptures of buffalo's and whatnot. Unfortunately, Edward deemed the galleries 'boring' and would only walk through them because I made him. His main goal for the afternoon was to find a shop that sold cowboy boots.

"Fuck, yeah! Bella, come on." Edward pulled me into a small shop that housed hundreds of different cowboy boots, floor to ceiling. I watched his face light up as he went up and down the different aisles.

"I never really pegged you for the cowboy boot type. Shall I start calling you Stetson?" I said playfully.

Edward stopped inspecting a pair of boots and scoffed. "Please, Stetson only makes hats, and that is never happening."

I tried to contain myself, but a snort escaped anyhow. To the left of Edward was an entire section of Stetson boots and apparel. Since he was enjoying himself so much, I chose not to enlighten him. I did, however, want to know why he didn't want a cowboy hat to go with his new cowboy boots.

"Why no hat? Afraid it'll mess up your hair?" I joked.

Edward turned and looked at me seriously. "I'm not actually a cowboy, Bella. Where the hell would I ever wear a cowboy hat? I'm from Chicago. We city boys don't wear cowboy hats."

His logic was baffling.

"But, you 'city boys' wear cowboy boots?" I questioned.

He widened his arms as if to say 'duh,' and I just rolled my eyes. Boys will be boys, and all that.

I found a stool to sit on as I waited for Edward to pick the perfect pair of boots. Our moms were at the coffee shop next door, and I appreciated the space they were giving us. Although, Edward and I agreed we would spend the day with our moms tomorrow. It was nice of them to sacrifice their time with us for Edward and I to spend some time together.

I felt as if someone was watching me, so I looked up. Edward was standing at the opposite end of the aisle, smiling.

I quirked an eyebrow. "What are you smiling about?"

He leaned up against a shelf as he continued to smile, effectively making me squirm.

"I've never known what it's like to look at someone and just smile for no reason, until I met you," he said softly.

Stunned by his admission, I felt my body warm all over, beginning with my cheeks and ending at my toes. I went to respond, but I was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"That's not true."

I looked to where Esme and my mom stood quietly. Esme took a step forward and looked between us, her eyes watery.

"You used to look at Lizzie like that. Any time you were in a room together, I would often catch you staring at her as she played. Of course, you would quickly look away if I ever caught you, but I knew. You loved her, just as you love Bella."

I looked at Edward. His knuckles were white as he clutched a boot in one hand. His other hand trembled at his side. He wouldn't look at me, or Esme, but the pain that was ripping through his body was evident to us all. I got up and walked towards him, ignoring Renee's suggestion that we should check out the gallery across the street. Obviously, she was trying to give Esme and Edward a moment alone.

As I approached, I could see out of the corner of my eye that Esme was watching us. Her tear-stained cheeks told me that more than anything she wanted to be the one comforting her son.

He was still staring at some random point over my head, his jaw clenched. I brought my hand up and cupped his face. After a moment, he looked down at me, and his expression softened. I could feel him trembling beneath my hand, and I could see the tears that threatened to spill over. I thought back to something Edward had said to me on the roof of the hotel our first day in Park City.

_There's a war going on inside my mind._

It's not that I didn't believe those words before, but now I could see them to be true. My beautifully broken boy indeed had a war raging inside of him. I took a deep breath, trying to stay strong for him. I knew that he could overcome this, accept the situation for what it really was.

"It's okay," I whispered.

He leaned into my hand, and I heard Esme take a few steps toward us and grasp Edward's hand. His eyes darted between the both of us as he nodded.

"She's right, baby; everything's okay. It was never your fault." Esme promised. I knew that she was trying her best to assure him that his sister's death would never be blamed on him. It was a moment to be cherished.

Although, I had a feeling that Esme had told him this time and time again but it'd never sunk in. Edward nodded and cleared his throat, signaling he wanted to change the topic. Esme and I exchanged worrisome looks, but let it go.

Edward decided he didn't like any of the boots in that particular shop shortly after, so we moved on. Renee did her best to try and distract Esme, and I did the same with Edward, but the damage was done. Neither of them could hold a smile unless encouraged, and their laughs were anything but genuine.

After lunch, Edward came around a bit more, finally finding a pair of boots that he liked. While he paid for his boots, I wandered into a jewelry store across the street. As I was looking down through the glass window at the beautifully handcrafted metals, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to find Esme smiling down at me.

"Do you mind?"

"No, of course not." I scooted over and waited for her to continue.

"I wanted to thank you, Bella."

"Thank me? For what?" I asked. "It's completely understandable. I'm sure you feel as if you lost both children, rather than just one."

She nodded.

"Do you mind if suggest something? Please don't make Edward leave the academy next month. Granted, he's made leaps and bounds since he arrived, but he's not ready. I'd hope that you saw that today in the boot shop." I began to nervously twirl the ring around my thumb as I awaited her answer.

Esme looked beyond me for a moment before returning her gaze back to mine, her eyes sad. "I did see it, and I will allow Edward to stay at the academy for however long he see's fit."

I smiled. "Thank you."

Esme brought her hand up and tucked my hair behind my ear before gently placing it back at her side.

"You're a beautiful girl, Bella, inside and out. Promise me something? Promise me that you'll take care of him. That no matter what happens between you in the future, that you'll always be there for him."

"Esme, I— "

She put her hand up to silence me. "He loves you, more so than he may even love me. It's fate, don't you think? Two broken souls finding each other when they needed one another the most. Please, promise me?"

I looked deeply into Esme's eyes as I tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. "I promise."

She brought me in for a hug, gripping me tight as she whispered, "Thank you."

When I pulled back, we both laughed, wiping the tears that had finally spilled over.

We left the jewelry store in search of the others. I smiled when I saw Edward on the sidewalk across the street, doubled over laughing at something funny my mom had said. I watched as I caught a glimpse of the real Edward; So carefree, young, and pure. He looked as if he hadn't a trouble in the world. No fear – just happiness.

They say the most beautiful sound in the world is a child's laughter, and I disagree. The most beautiful sound in the world is of laughter that has broken through pain and grief. To see someone you care for truly smile, when you know it took everything they fucking had inside of them to create that smile – that's priceless.

Edward caught my eye as we approached, and I couldn't help but notice a dim twinkle that had been missing for days. With him, the twinkle is never fully bright, but I hoped that one day it would be. He brought me to him squeezing me tightly. I wound my arms around his neck and looked up at him.

"I love you," I whispered.

Edward smiled and buried his face in my neck. "I love you too. Now, help me get rid of our moms. I want some alone time with you, and soon." I felt my face blush in embarrassment, but my body surged with excitement.

Edward had asked me earlier in the day to watch a movie with him tonight. Esme had gotten him his own room because she said that no eighteen year old man should have to share a room with his mother. Edward said it's because she thought boys stink, and that this was her vacation too. She shouldn't have to share a room with a boy when she has to share one with his father at home. It was totally something I could see her saying.

After a quiet birthday dinner in my room with Renee – at my request – I asked if I could go down to Edward's room to watch a movie.

"I suppose so, Bella. I'm going to assume that we don't need to have the talk about the consequences of having sex?" She looked at me seriously.

My cheeks reddened as I glared at her icily. "No, Mother. I think I have a pretty good idea what those consequences entail. Regardless, the nurse at the academy gave me another dose of the depo shot when I arrived."

Her expression softened as she sighed. "Just be careful, Bella."

"I will." I mumbled as I left the room. Definitely allowing the door to slam behind me for good measure.

Edward's room was two floors below mine, so I decided to take the stairs. I wanted some time to gather my thoughts before I faced him. I knew what going to his room alone meant.

Tonight, Edward and I would have sex.

Edward was my lighthouse in this storm I called life. He always had a way of guiding me home when I would get lost within myself. He grounded me. I knew he wouldn't pressure me into anything I didn't feel comfortable doing because he respected me.

But…

I was nervous.

Having never remembered the only sexual experience I've ever had, I was at a loss of how to make it even remotely good for either one of us. I don't know how to have sex, and given Edward's virginity status – neither did he.

_I mean, I know that you stick the pole in the hole and all that, but…_

_Will it hurt?_

I was scared of what would be triggered if Edward caused any pain during sex. After what had happened with Jamie, I had been sore and achy for days. It was a painful reminder that I didn't want to tarnish what was so special between us.

I wanted tonight to be perfect.

I appeared in front of Edward's door at last and drew in a deep breath before knocking. At last, I saw the handle begin to turn, and the door opened to reveal a shirtless Edward in basketball shorts. My voice caught in my throat, and I blinked a few times as I tried to not completely embarrass myself. I saw Edward smirk and I quickly sobered.

"Don't do that," I said, smacking him on his bare chest as I walked past him into the room. I sat on the end of the bed and glared at him as he walked toward me laughing.

"I didn't do anything."

"Yes, you did and you know it! If I'm not allowed to answer the door topless, then neither are you." I glanced up at him as he towered over me. I watched as he thought over my words, and a look of lust flashed in his eyes.

"No one said you couldn't open the door topless."

I smirked. "I'll remember that tomorrow morning when room service arrives with breakfast."

Edward growled as he picked me up and moved me to the head of the bed. He settled in next to me and I turned so that we were facing each other. He brought his hand up to lightly brush the hair out of my face. "No one's allowed to see you topless but me, Bella." His voice quiet, but firm. I felt my heart start to beat quickly and I blushed.

"I promise," I whispered. I began to trace the lines of his chest, as I always did when we were alone like this. He stilled my hand with his, and I flicked my eyes to meet his, wondering if I'd done something wrong. "What?" I asked.

Edward stared at me for a moment before answering. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

I paused for a moment and looked over at the TV and back at him before shaking my head no. I leaned in, lightly touching my lips to his. The kiss was slow at first, Edward holding back as he let me lead. I moved my body closer to his, and he gently grabbed my ass as he pulled me the rest of the way. I moaned as our bodies came in contact. I stopped the kiss for a moment as I looked deeply into Edward's questioning eyes. When I looked into his eyes, I saw everything that I could have ever wanted swimming in an emerald pool.

Love, fear, lust, trepidation, wonder, warmth, security… it was all there.

I was _home._

The fear had melted from within me, and I had the sudden urge to make Edward mine. I wanted all of him. I wanted Edward to have what was taken from me my first time.

_Love._

Edward had the power to destroy me more than any other person could. He knew the real me, the real Bella. I'd been stripped of all the walls I'd built around myself – I was completely raw. Edward utterly consumed me now. Without him, I'd be lonely and without warmth – still the cold and distant Bella of the past. Always pushing my problems – and others – away. In the comfort of Edward's arms, I had no reason to run anymore.

I pushed Edward onto his back, not entirely ready to let him have all the power yet. I crawled over to straddle him and reveled in the feeling as his hands found my hips. I bent down to kiss him, our tongues caressing each other as we lightly sucked and nibbled. I trailed kisses to his ear, and he moaned as I began to whisper.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. Always." My voice was gentle.

Edward tried to roll us over so he could be on top, but I stopped him. I began to lightly suck on his collar-bone before I trailed my kisses lower. I halted at his nipples, quietly questioning myself whether I should go for it. I took one in my mouth and twirled my tongue around before lightly biting. I heard Edward hiss, and I flicked my eyes to his face. His eyes were closed, but he looked pleased.

I did the same with his other nipple, which resulted in the same outcome. Pleased with myself, I moved lower, lightly biting between kisses. As I passed his navel, I licked a trail down to the waistband of his shorts where his erection stood firm. I tried to pull his shorts down, but he stopped me.

"Bella, stop," He said as he sat up.

"Why?"

"I've, um… never done that before." He blushed.

I sat back on my heels, exasperated. "Well, neither have I, Edward, but you don't see me stalling. I want to try…"

"Right. You don't have to, you know…"

The look in his eyes was so sincere. I crawled over to him, and lightly pushed him back down on the bed. I looked into his eyes as I gently grabbed his erection and lightly stroked it through his shorts.

"I want you to be mine. All of mine," I whispered.

Edward looked confused. "I am yours?"

"I want every part of you to be mine – every first that I can have, every touch, every kiss. Just let me try this. If I hate it, then I'll stop." I backed away as I settled back down between Edward's legs. I watched as he warred within himself, before he sighed. He lifted his hips so I could pull his shorts down, effectively freeing his cock.

I lightly grasped my hand around his base, as I stared. I'd never seen it, only felt it, and it definitely wasn't pretty or anything. I moved my hand from the base of his cock to lightly roll his balls in my hand.

_Thank God for Cosmo. _

I looked at Edward, who'd moved up onto his elbows to watch me. His eyes rolled back in his head, and his breathing was labored. I let go, and moved my hand back to grasp the base of his erection. I brought my mouth to the tip and licked in a circular motion before bringing it into suck, hard. Edward moaned and his hips twitched at the sensation, causing me to take his cock in further. I did this a few more times, in and out, as I sucked harder. I moved my other hand down to his balls again, but Edward came up off the bed and stopped me. I flinched away from him, wondering if I'd done something wrong.

"Oh, no. You're fine, Bella. I just won't last much longer if you keep doing that."

Edward pulled me back to him, and laid me on the bed. I giggled as I looked at his naked form hovering over me.

He quirked an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." I smiled.

He brought himself down to kiss me, and I felt his hand wonder underneath my shirt. He pulled away and looked in my eyes.

"Can I undress you?"

I nodded and sat up. His hands started at my hips and slowly inched upward, taking my shirt with him as he went. Once it was off, he leaned forward as he wrapped his arms around me. He put his mouth next to my ear, and I shivered.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

I felt him undo the clasp of my bra, and discard it, as he lightly sucked on the sensitive skin below my ear. I felt his hands cup my breasts, and I moaned. He bent down to take each one into his mouth, and I held on to each of his arms as I rode out each new sensation.

Edward eventually let go and moved lower to pull my yoga pants down but stopped. I looked at him confused, as he brought his head up to rest against my forehead. Nose to nose.

"Bella, I'll love you forever," he whispered. His voice was filled with emotion.

"Always." I smiled.

It was a promise I was more than willing to make. I knew, that no matter where we were in the world, I would always love Edward.

I helped him make quick work of removing the rest of my clothing, and we got underneath the blanket. Edward went to turn off the light, but I stopped him.

"I'd prefer they stay on, if that's alright. I don't exactly remember anything from my first time, and I want to remember this. All of it."

Edward kissed me hard, and I wound my hands up to grasp the back of his neck. He situated himself between my legs, and I moaned when I felt his erection graze my sex. He moved his hand down to lightly rub up and down my folds before he inserted two fingers, causing me to cry out at the sudden sensation. We were kissing frantically as he pumped his fingers in and out. I would arch my back every time his thumb would press my clit. I was going mad with want. I wanted to feel closer to him, I wanted all of him.

I grasped Edward's cock, and he stilled his hand. He looked at me asking for permission to move forward, and I nodded. He pulled his hand back, allowing me to guide his cock towards my entrance. He pushed his hips forward, and I hissed as I felt overwhelmingly full. I could see that he wasn't but half way in, so I took a deep breath to relax, and urged him to push in the rest of the way. He stilled as he allowed us both to acclimate to the feeling before he began to move slowly. His thrusts were long a deep, and I could feel every bit of him. I closed my eyes as I reveled in the feeling of Edward moving over me. We were joined as one as we gave each other everything that we had to offer.

_He was mine. _

"Bella, you feel so good – too good. I won't last much longer, I'm sorry." Edward gritted out.

I sucked on his collar-bone as he began to thrust harder – faster. I tried to stay quiet, but I couldn't keep myself from crying out – the feeling of him inside of me was exhilarating. The harder he thrusted, the deeper he went. I felt my body begin to tingle all over, and I welcomed the familiar coil in my stomach – excited for my pending orgasm. But, Edward's thrusts became more erratic and harder before he finally stilled, groaning. I could feel his cock as it pulsed inside of me and it caused my whole body to shiver. I gripped onto Edward's body like my life depended on it, not allowing him to move. He gripped me just as tight, and we held each other for a few minutes as we caught our breath. Finally, he tried to pull away, but I wouldn't allow it.

"Bella, let go." Edward laughed.

"Never." I joked.

Edward tickled me, effectively making me let go of him. "Are you alright?" He looked at me worried.

"I'm great. More than great, actually." I snuggled into him, but realized I desperately needed to run to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back." I was out of the bed in a flash, grabbing my clothes along the way.

Once in the bathroom, I surveyed my body in the mirror as I cleaned up. There were no bruises; only red splotches I assumed were from heated kisses or caresses. My skin glowed. I looked and felt more radiant than I'd ever seen. I felt worlds apart from the girl who stood bruised and broken in front of mirror a few years ago.

With a smile on my face, I left the bathroom in search of Edward. I'd heard that he'd switched on the TV, and I found him sitting on the bed fully clothed as well. I watched as he gave me a shy smile, which I returned with wide grin.

"I love you," I said as I bounced on the bed next to him.

"I love you, too." He laughed as I snuggled up next to him. "Guess what? I didn't get to tell you the great news before you jumped my bones."

I rolled my eyes. Because that's exactly how it went… oh, wait. That _was_ exactly how it went. I looked up at him with a look of innocence. Edward just smirked at my antics.

"My mom said I can stay at the academy." He beamed at me.

I crawled up him and gave him a big smooch, and I quickly decided I wouldn't tell him of my talk to with Esme.

"That's great! I told you everything would work out." I smiled up at him.

"You're right, you did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the trip went by quickly. I barely saw Edward the next day, as we had held up our agreement to hang out with our mother's alone. I did go over to his room after my day shopping with Renee, but we only watched a movie. Admittedly, I was a bit sore. Thankfully, each painful movement flooded my thoughts with loving memories of the night before. It kept a smile on my face throughout the day.

I hadn't heard from Charlie the entire weekend away, and it was slowly eating away at me. It was my eighteenth birthday. I was no longer a child. Why wouldn't he want to call and talk to me? It just didn't make sense.

Renee and I pulled up to the Academy at exactly nine AM and I gathered the few items I'd purchased in Park City that wouldn't be considered contraband. Lauren searched through my bags as we waited for Angela to check me in, commenting how this check in was much different than the last. She smiled as she congratulated me on my progress.

"I'll see you when you get upstairs, Bella. It was nice to see you again, Ms. Swan."

Lauren left Renee and me to wait on Angela. Fortunately, we didn't have to wait long until we heard her melodious voice.

"Bella, Renee! Why don't you come on back?"

We followed her back to her office and sat just as we did before we left for Park City. We discussed the great time we had together, and I truly meant it. Regardless of seeing Edward outside of the academy, I'd had a great time with my mom. We bonded while we worked towards mending a once fragile relationship.

"Bella, I got a letter in the mail from your father. As you know, I screen your mail for your protection. I thought it would be best if you received this information in front of your mom, so that maybe she may be able to help explain it to you better than I would." Angela said as she handed me a large manila envelop with my name on it.

I noticed the penmanship on the front was not the messy scrawl of my fathers, but the perfected cursive of Sue Swan. I opened it up, and what I found was something like a bank statement with my name on it and numbers.

Big numbers. As in… _Millions_.

On top of the paperwork, was a sticky note, also written in Sue's handwriting.

_Do us a favor, and don't come home. This will more than provide for you and your future. You're welcome._

I looked at Renee. "What the fuck is this?"

She took the papers from my hand and looked them once over. "It looks as if your trust from your Grandmother was entitled to you on your eighteenth birthday. I knew of the money, but I'd no idea when you were to receive it." She then took a look at the sticky note, and gasped. "I'm so sorry, Bella." She tried to take me in an embrace, but I shrugged her off.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't will the tears to come. I was anything but sad – I was fucking infuriated. Five million dollars is one fucked up way of being kicked out of your own home.

I looked up at my mom and Angela with eyes blazing.

"Charlie Swan can go fuck himself."

* * *

**A lot went down in this chapter. PLEASE, leave me your thoughts. If you hated it, tell me. If you loved it, tell me that too. And... Don't forget to tell me WHY you loved or hated it. That's the most important part ;-)**

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**LCx**


	12. Expectations

**Hello! I'm very sorry about the wait for this one. It was written weeks ago, but RL got in the way for pretty much everyone involved in this little story. I hope you'll forgive me...**

**First things first, I made it past 150 reviews! It wouldn't have been possible without _babylopez2008_, who took the time to review each chapter when she stumbled upon my fic. But, it wasn't just one person who made it possible, it was ALL OF YOU. Also, I was very excited to see reviews from readers that it was their first time reviewing. From the depths of my heart - thank you. **

**Chapter 13 is partially written, once you get to the end of this one, I'm sure you'll understand why its taking me a bit to get it written. The storm has arrived, my friends.**

**Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89**

**Beta'd by the lovely Nuttyginger**

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Chapter 12 Heavy

BPOV

I smiled wide as the wind whipped through my hair, freeing me as I urged my horse forward. This retired thoroughbred, Henry, was not as sweet as my old Mrs. Gray that I worked with in equine therapy, but he was fast. I'd missed the uninhibited feeling of just me and the horse, and the open land. I faintly heard the sound of my name, so I gently slowed Henry down.

"_Woah_, good boy." I purred.

I waited as Rose caught up to me. She was riding a beautiful Appaloosa mare that had a wild mind of her own, just like Rose.

I hadn't known that Rose rode until earlier this morning when she'd asked me to go to the ranch with her for a therapy session. Her therapist, Nahuel, was a gentle man; very kind and quiet. Much different from Rose herself, but she seemed to adore him.

"This is fun," I mused.

I turned my face toward the sun and closed my eyes. At that moment, everything was right in the world. Despite the fact that my father was a childish asshole, I had an amazing boyfriend, supportive friends, and I'd begun to piece together the puzzle that was my mind. I'd never felt more alive as the sun beamed down on my face, and the cool autumn breeze tousled my hair.

I opened my eyes and looked at Rose. She had dismounted from her horse and signaled that I should do the same. We walked over to where Nahuel was seated beneath a large juniper tree and sat down. I sat there expectantly, not knowing exactly why I was there. I watched as Rose fidgeted with her hands before she stuck them under her legs and began.

"I asked you here today, Bella, because I know you've been going through a lot."

I slowly nodded.

Rose blew out a breath, and continued. "I feel like it's unfair of you to share so much of your life with me, and I not do the same in return. I choose not to tell people my story, because it's none of their business. Alice and Emmett are the only ones at the academy who know about my past and what I've been through."

I glanced at Nahuel as he patted her leg, urging her to continue. It was a bit unnerving to see Rose so vulnerable, but I sat quietly as I waited for her to go on.

"My dad left mom and I when I was ten. He was a total fuck to my mom, but he was a pretty good dad to me. At first I was sad, like any normal child would be, but then I became angry. As I grew older I rebelled, got caught up in drugs, and even lived on the streets for months. Between my father and I, we destroyed my mom." Rose thought for a moment before she laughed darkly. "I've seen and done things you would never believe."

I shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say. I looked to Nahuel for guidance. He smiled softly at me before turning to Rose.

"You're doing great, Rosalie." His voice warm and full of encouragement.

Rose looked down at her hands, and I noticed she was trembling. "I had a heroin addiction. The worst addiction there is – completely horrific. I've had sex with disgusting men for a single hit. I've slept in alleyways where you could hear the rats rummaging through dumpsters – too strung out to even care."

My stomach rolled as I painted a picture in my mind of what Rose had described. I saw a single tear fall down her face and it broke the dam in my own eyes.

"I was considered a runaway, only being sixteen, and I was finally picked up one day by the police. I'd shoplifted a bagel at the grocery store. I'll never forget the look on my mother's face when she first saw me down at the police station."

Rose furiously wiped away the tears from her face, and I could tell it killed her to be seen like this. I scooted closer to her and held her hand as she finished her story.

"My mom asked if I wanted to get help, and I agreed. I went through an excruciating detox at the hospital before I was sent to the academy." Her voice became stronger, filled with pride. "I'll be leaving soon. I'm not sure when, but I can tell that it's almost time." She looked at Nahuel fondly.

"How do you know? How do you know that you're ready to face the outside world or that you won't relapse?"

Rose looked at me with fire in her eyes. "I don't know how I know, I just do. I feel ready to move on from this chapter in my life. As far my addiction goes, every time I have a craving I see my mother's face. I see her face from that day in the police station, when she saw me for the first time in months. Dirty, strung out, bruised, and broken. I never want to be the cause of that devastation ever again."

Nahuel cleared his throat and I looked to him. "I think Rosalie had a reason why she wanted to share this with you."

Rose nodded. "I know what your dad did was fucked up, B, and I know you have a fuck ton of money now. You're also eighteen, which means you can leave the academy whenever you damn well please. A lot of kids would have left by now, but you haven't. I want to urge you to stay until you're ready. Don't let Edward make that decision for you – don't let your mom or Angela make that decision. Only you will know when it's time."

I nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

"You've been given the opportunity to find out who you are, or at least begin that journey in a safe environment. Don't throw it away. Had I not been given a second chance, I'm fairly certain I'd be dead by now." Rose threw her arm around me and hugged me into her side. I squeezed back tightly.

"Thank you for sharing with me." I smiled and let go.

"Definitely. I worry about the path you could take, and I care about you too much to watch you make a horrible mistake."

"Thanks."

Rose lightly smacked Nahuel's knee. "I did a hell of a lot better that time, huh?" She looked at me. "Don't ask Alice how it went when I told her."

I pretended to lock my lips and throw away the key.

Nahuel laughed. "You did great Rosalie. Thank you, Bella, for coming with us today."

"Of course."

Rose and I mounted our horses as we promised to meet Nahuel back at the van in a half hour, after we un-tacked the horses and set them out to pasture.

After my session with Rose, I felt an almost sisterly bond with her. It was like she was looking out for me in a way. I'd never had a friend care for me like that, and it was heartwarming to say the least. Between things with Edward, my mom, and now Rose, I'd never felt more loved in my life. Had I known the shit storm that was about to rain down on me, I would have savored the moment a bit longer.

XXXXXXXXXX

EPOV

_My beautiful girl,_

_I've been thinking about you all day. Please come see me tonight?_

_Love,_

_E_

I folded up the short note to Bella and stuck it in my pocket for later. I didn't have time to write much more, but she'd understand.

I knew that she was at the ranch with Rose for a therapy session, which I thought was pretty bad ass. I'd never been involved in a joint therapy session like that, but that's most likely because my boys and I were tight enough to talk without our therapists around. Although, I knew that Rose has been through a fuck ton, and if it was easier for her to talk about things with the support of her therapist, I respected that.

I snuck up to the atrium, and pulled the note out of my pocket. I checked to make sure no one was around, and I slipped it under the table in Bella's spot. It was only a half-hour until dinner, and I figured it'd be safe until then. I made my way back to the boy's common room and sat down. Most of the guy's were in here watching the show 'Lost.' One of the male staff brought in all the seasons on DVD and practically everyone but me was obsessed. I truly didn't give a fuck about TV shows.

I pretended to pay attention, but my thoughts drifted back to Bella as they usually did. She'd written me a note telling me about the letter she'd received from her stepmom upon our return from Park City.

Her dad was a fucking douche.

Regardless of the money, who the fuck did he think he was? If Bella lived in my home, I could tell you right fucking now I would never tell her leave and never come back. Bella is…

_Perfect._

She's kind, caring, understanding, and witty as fuck. Her big brown doe eyes, soft chocolate curls, and her tiny little body were enough to bring me to my knees. She still looked young, but her mind and heart were that of a middle-aged woman.

Bella knew what she wanted and when she wanted it. She'd been through some shit, and she was still the strongest person I'd ever known. Without her, I'd have no reason to try. I watched her make leaps and bounds in her program each day, and it made me want to work twice as hard on myself. I want to be worthy of her, not some broken loser that she has to constantly piece together.

Bella deserved more.

I'd fielded questions from the guys about our weekend for days – everyone wanted to know every little personal detail. I'd refused to give anything up, which means I was labeled 'pussy whipped.' I was cool with that – proud of it.

Now, I'd told Bella I was a virgin – which was true, but the guys don't know that. They mostly think I was a 'playboy' of sorts back home. Which, I was I guess. It also didn't help that I may've made up a story about my last visit to Park City with my parents. I'd said I met some girl there who was also vacationing with her parents, and we boned. Truth was I spent the entire trip skiing with my Dad and arguing with my Mom about coming home. There was no girl, and I felt like a douche now for having even made the story up. If Bella found out…

_I'd be a dead man._

Honestly, I'd never been close enough to a girl to consider going that far. When you have sex with a chick, they get clingy. It's a fact. Or, I'd just never met a girl I didn't think would want more afterward. I avoided the inevitable, which in the long run, I'm so glad I did. Having Bella as my first was more than anything I could've ever expected.

Admittedly, I did ask Jasper for some advice. He told me to keep my expectations low – that the first time for every guy is embarrassing, as it's an entirely new feeling. Regardless of my _endurance_,I knew that Bella enjoyed it. I was nervous that she might've freaked out given her past, but she did so well. She trusted me and that was something I was proud of. Out of any guy she could have chosen, she chose me. That was something special.

Before I knew it, I'd made it through dinner in a daydream. Emmett was in therapy during dinner, which left Jasper and I at our usual table. Jasper didn't say much, but I'm sure he could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk either.

After dinner, Jasper went to therapy, and Emmett and I played a game of basketball while the girls were watching a movie in their common room. Although, Bella and Rose used every chance they could get to sneak out of the common room, just so they could catch a peek of us. They were hilarious trying to be sneaky and shit.

During the last round of bathroom breaks for the girls, I mouthed to Bella a silent "I love you" from across the room that didn't get past Emmett.

"It seems things with you and Bella have gotten pretty serious," Emmett mused.

I went around for a lay-up and scored as Emmett came in for the rebound. I put my hands on my hips as I caught my breath and nodded. "Yeah, I think they are. She's a great girl. Haven't you already asked me this?"

He ignored my question.

"Rose told me what her Dad did. He's a prick." He shot the ball, and missed.

"He's an idiot, that's what he is. She's not someone you just throw away, you know? She's special." I heard Emmett stop behind me. I grabbed the basketball and threw it back to him. He caught it, but just stood there staring at me. "Do you think you're ready to take on someone with problems like Bells? Dude, you've been here awhile, but… we both know you still got some shit to work out."

I scoffed. "Who are you to judge whether my relationship is healthy or not? I've never said a word about you and Rose – it's not my place."

Emmett held the ball to his hip and put one hand up in surrender. "I didn't mean it like that. You know we've all come to care about Bella, and you know I've always got your back. But, Bella just got here. She needs to focus on her own program, rather than trying to fix you. It's not fair."

I glared at him. "I'm fine."

It was his turn to scoff now. "I know we don't talk about shit much – that's you and Jasper's thing, but I see shit. I consider us best friends; I know you're not fine."

Not answering that, I motioned for him to throw me the ball. I walked to the three-point line and swooshed it. Emmett rebounded, but held onto the ball.

"All I'm trying to say is that you should deal with your shit, man. You want to be the best you can be for Bella, right?"

I nodded, slightly.

Emmett sighed. "If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it for her."

Nothing more was said between us as we continued on with our game. I'm sure he thought I'd ignored most of what he said, but I didn't. His words continued to eat at me well into the night, because he was right. He was so fucking right. My girl deserved a lot more than what I had to offer, and I was willing to go to the depths of my fears to be that guy for her.

_Angela will be so thrilled. _

I smirked. She's spent a whole year trying to get me to open up, and Bella comes here and does it in two months.

The guys and I got ready for bed and waited for the girls to sneak over after lights out. They were never quiet, so it was obvious when they would open the door that joined our dorms, and snuck in. It was cute watching them think they were so sneaky, and none of us had the heart to tell them they were loud as fuck.

Bella lifted the covers and climbed in, practically jumping on me. The first thing I noticed though, were her feet.

"You're feet are fucking freezing, Bella." I hissed.

She giggled. "Oops, sorry."

I knew she wasn't sorry because she continued to rub her feet in between my calves to warm them.

"You're lucky I love you."

Bella rolled over on top of me, her hair creating a curtain around our faces. "I know."

I brought my mouth up to claim hers, and she kissed me back with more force than usual. I could feel her desire in that kiss, and it only awakened my own desire, and my cock.

I wasn't sure what the protocol would be once we were back at the academy. Bella and I hadn't discussed whether we would repeat the night in my room in Park City, but by the way she was kissing me and grinding on me, I think it was safe to say Bella was more than willing to have sex again.

I grabbed her ass, and she moaned as she pressed her center right where I wanted it most. It was already much different than last time. The slow and sweet was left behind for the want and need, and she seemed more than willing to take what she wanted.

"I've missed you," she whispered trailing kisses down my neck. I quietly moaned as she stopped at my collar-bone to bite lightly. It drove me crazy, and she knew it. My little hellcat was so perceptive.

Bella may not have experience in the bedroom – neither did I – but she was sexy as fuck. She liked to take the lead, and I'd come to realize that had something to do with her need to be in control. I was cool with that. I wanted nothing more than for Bella to feel comfortable.

"I've missed you, too." I moved my hand to lightly graze over her pussy through her pants. She moaned, loudly. "You have to be quiet. We're not alone, remember?" I quietly reminded.

She nodded, and with the next pass, she bit down on my shoulder to silence her cries. I could feel how wet she was through her boy shorts.

I dipped my hand beneath her panties and circled around her clit before delving one finger knuckle deep inside her. Her breathing hitched, and she bit down on my shoulder, _again. _I had a feeling this was going to become a problem. I couldn't exactly walk around the showers, or play basketball, with bite marks all over me.

"Bella, baby, you can't bite me." I continued to finger fuck her, adding another finger as she rocked her pussy against my hand.

"I'm s-sorry… it feels good. Touch me here." She moved my thumb to press against her clit, and I felt her shiver on top of me. It took everything I had not to blow my load right then. I thought girls were shy about that shit?

I smirked.

_Not my girl._

Bella continued to practically fuck my hand. I did exactly as she asked, rubbing her clit until I heard her grind her teeth, a little moan escaping through, as her pussy clamped down around my fingers. She milked my hand, riding out each sensation, and I shivered as she put pressure on my dick with each movement.

I won't lie, my dick throbbed, and I couldn't believe that had just happened.

Bella was the sexiest fucking thing I'd ever encountered in my eighteen years of life.

I removed my hand from Bella's panties, and she scooted down quickly as she tried to release me from my shorts. I swear to all that is holy, my cock was _milliseconds _away from being in the comfort of her tiny little hands, when the light to our dorm suddenly turned on. Bella jumped so fast, that she nailed her head on the top of the bunk. Like an idiot, I reached to comfort her, but she practically hissed at me as she kicked my hand away.

"Rose, put some fucking clothes on, and get back to your dorm! Bella and Alice – you too." Lauren yelled at them.

I sat up and grabbed Bella's hand before she could leave.

"It'll be ok. I love you," I promised.

Bella looked terrified as I saw the tears already streaming down her face. She whispered, "I love you," before she scurried off the bed and back to her dorm.

Lauren stormed through our dorm, after the girls, and slammed the door that joined our rooms behind them. I looked back to where Demetri, our male staff, stood.

"Sorry, man. One of the girls tipped her off about your arrangement, and Lauren stayed late to see if was true. There wasn't anything I could do." He genuinely looked sorry.

I ran my hand through my hair and nodded. He gave me a sad smile and shut our door.

Before I could even begin to process the cluster fuck that was the last three minutes, I felt a pillow smack me in the head.

"Ow. What the fuck?" I turned to look at Emmett, who glared at me from across the room in his bunk.

"You do realize that we're all going to be on standing order now – most likely for the duration of our time at the academy. That means new roommates, and no girlfriends. Great job, fucktard."

I scoffed. "How the fuck was I supposed to know that would happen? You guys were just as much involved as I was."

"Yeah, well, it was your plan. So, it's your fault." He growled.

I ignored him as I watched Jasper climb off his bunk and walk over to turn off the lights. He showed no emotion and that made me nervous.

"Both of you shut the fuck up and go to sleep," He shut the light off and no one said another word.

I didn't sleep at all, and judging from the sounds of the other guys tossing and turning all night, neither did they. I spent most of the fucking night trembling, as I wondered how the fuck Bella and I would make it without being allowed contact. We could pass notes, but that was it. No more art club, definitely no more sneaking to each others dorms, and I was sure the visit to Park City would be the only trip away we would get.

My world had come crashing down, and I didn't know which way was up or down. Without Bella, I was nothing. On top of all that…

_Angela was going to fucking kill me._

I've pulled stunts before, and I knew that this would be the last straw with her. I'd sealed our fate with a kiss.

_Literally._

But, sometime in the early morning, I had an idea.

Bella and I were legally adults. Which meant we could leave the academy any fucking time we wanted.

_Bella had all that money…_

We could leave. Start somewhere new on our own, together. I knew if I asked Bella to leave, she would do it. She loved me, and I was sure she wouldn't want to stay here if we had the option to be together, _really together_, out in the real world.

I got up that morning with a smile on my face and ignored the questioning looks from Jasper and Emmett. I knew that we would be pulled into our therapists offices first thing, and I even began packing up my shit, just to make it easier later.

Sure enough, as we waited for the girls to finish breakfast, I heard Angela call my name.

"I'm not happy with you, Edward," She scolded.

I followed her into her office where Bella sat. She had bags under eyes, and her hair was a mess on top of her head. I wanted to comfort her, tell her everything would be fine, but I didn't want Angela to rip my fucking balls off either. I sat next to Bella, but Angela moved me to sit in her chair, and she sat next to Bella. I rolled my eyes at the dramatics.

"You both have got to be kidding me. The disrespect of your actions is appalling." Angela fumed. "I allowed the joint visit to Park City, because I believed in you two. I wanted you to get to know each other outside of here, in the real world as you all call it. It's obvious you have a connection, I won't deny it, but my hands are tied here. I could lose my job if I didn't issue a standing order."

I watched as Bella hiccupped, and tears streamed down her face, her hands a trembling mess.

"There won't be a need for a standing order," I said firmly.

Angela quirked an eyebrow at me, but I ignored her. I stood from my chair and kneeled before Bella, and grasped her trembling hands with my own.

"Leave with me, Bella. We don't have to stay here, we can start a new life – together." I whispered.

I heard Angela gasp. "Edward! You have no right to put her in that position. Are you out of your damn mind?"

I ignored her as I held firm at Bella's feet. She stared into my eyes, tears falling uncontrollably, when she finally shook her head.

_No._

_She's saying no._

I became frantic as I wiped her tears from her face, and I could feel my own threatening to spill over. "Bella, please," I begged.

"I'm not ready, Edward," She whispered.

I grabbed both sides of her face, and ignored that she flinched away from me, just barely. "You're so strong, baby. You're more ready than I am. We'll figure it out together, but we can't stay here. I can't be here and not be allowed to talk to you. I can't."

"It won't be that bad, we'll be—"

"NO!" I yelled.

Bella cringed away from me and started to sob.

I felt Angela's hand on my arm, but I yanked it away.

"Edward, it's not right of you to put Bella in this position," She said softly.

I stood up as anger ripped through me. "If you loved me, you'd leave." I pointed at her and it broke my heart to watch her fall apart. I knew it was a shitty move, but it was true. If she loved me as much as she said she did, she would leave.

"I do love you! I do! So much… please don't do this," Bella screamed at me.

I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't. Her betrayal was too much for me in that moment.

"I'm leaving with or without you," I said firmly.

"Edward, calm down," Angela said softly.

"No!" I growled. "Are you coming or not?" I stared at Bella, who wouldn't meet my gaze. Finally, she shook her head no, and I felt as if my heart had literally exploded in my chest.

I left Angela's office so fast that I didn't hear Bella's heart-wrenching sobs and pleas for me to come back.

I ran out the front door of the Academy into the late September sunshine. I kept running, nowhere in particular, just wherever my feet took me. I constantly wiped my face, erasing the emotions that had escaped my traitorous eyes.

Bella didn't give a fuck about me. To be honest, I didn't give a fuck about me, either.

I made my decision quickly, and turned for the grocery store on the corner. I went up to customer service, who looked at me like I'd grown five fucking heads when I asked to use the phone, but she handed it over anyway. I dialed the number from memory, and it took everything I had not to fall a part as soon as heard her voice.

"Esme Cullen, speaking."

"Mom, I need a plane ticket home."

* * *

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